“I’m sorry I encouraged you to eat more.”
He whimpered and dragged his legs up to his belly, and his knees nudged against my side as he tried to shuffle in closer, which I didn’t think was possible. “It hurts.”
I smoothed my hand down his arm comfortingly and thought about what I should’ve done differently. The old me never cared about any of the men I hooked up with. The only people important in my life had been family. I wasn’t that man anymore, though, and I wasn’t hooking up with Phoenix, even if we had that moment in the confessional. It was one thing todoit, but it was another thing entirely to have it happen in the house of God. I’d messed up, and I wasn’t sure if God would forgive me for it. I’d already confessed to Malachi, but I had no plans to put space between me and Phoenix the way I probably should.
Either way, I should’ve stopped Phoenix earlier. I’d worried about him, though, and how his ex had treated him. I didn’t want to become that man to him. There was no chance I’d ever hit him or starve him, but maybe I should set boundaries.
I wasn’t his Daddy, but he needed someone. Holding in a groan, I squeezed the bridge of my nose. I’d have to talk to Jericho about this, and I wouldn’t like it one bit. Jericho, though? He’d love every second.
After about fifteen minutes, Phoenix sighed but didn’t move. “I’m feeling better.”
“Good,” I whispered soothingly. “We won’t let that happen again, will we?”
“No, Daddy.” He buried his face against my chest and inhaled deeply. “You smell nice. I’m tired now.”
My body flushed warm, and I cuddled in closer to him. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had someone snuggled up to me like this, and I hated how completely I enjoyed it. As much as I didn’t like what I was about to do, it needed to happen. “Do you want to talk about the meeting? I know we let it go while we were at the church, but if you have something on your mind, it would be good to share.”
He immediately tensed and didn’t look at me. “No.”
“Did you like it?” I pushed a little harder by making my words firmer.
“I don’t know.” He tried to bury his face farther against my chest, but I gently grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back, so he had to look at me. He pursed his lips and wrapped his arms around himself. “The people seemed nice. Except Baker, he was kind of mean, but I think he was really hurt by his Dom.”
“You were, too, boy.” The word slipped out before I could stop it—I’d always been great at sabotaging myself. He flicked his gaze up at me, eyes wide and shining with excitement. I sucked in a deep breath and thought about backtracking, but it was out in the open now. I’d just have to make sure I never said it again. “Come on, tell me. Did you find that the session helped you to understand your situation?”
He blinked up at me slowly, and for a moment it appeared he was going to mention what I’d called him, but finally he shook his head. “I don’t know.... I really don’t want to talk about it, Daddy. Can we go to bed? I’m tired.” As if to make a point, he yawned widely and scrunched his eyes closed. He reminded me of a puppy, innocent and adorable, which also made him irresistible. He could ask for anything and I’d probably allow it.
I decided not to push him this time and nodded. I picked up my glass and took his plate to the sink, placing them in there. We could wash up tomorrow. Once I made sure the fridge was closed properly—with all the containers from Mamma cooking I was worried maybe they’d pushed out against the door—I went around the kitchen counter, and he met me there, covering his mouth to yawn again.
“I want to learn how to cook like your mom,” he said with a slow, tired blink. “Can I?”
“She’d love to teach you.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and led him toward the bedroom.
We each took a separate shower, and when we were both in our pajamas and ready for bed, Phoenix began to head for the neat pile of blankets and pillows he’d used to make a fluffy nest on the floor last night. I grabbed his arm. Bobby couldn’t get the futon here until tomorrow, but I hated seeing him on the floor, especially after he’d had such a long day.
He cocked his head at me in confusion.
Uncertainty had me hesitating for a moment before I shook away the doubts and smiled at him. “Sleep in my bed tonight.” His mismatched eyes brightened again. “Only for tonight. Your futon will come tomorrow, but I don’t want you to sleep on the floor anymore.”
“Really, Daddy? I can sleep with you?” He rushed at me and threw his arms around my waist, and I smiled, unable to resist bringing him in for the hug he wanted.
“Just for tonight. Until we get your futon.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
“Come on.” I led him to my bed and pulled back the blankets, and he slipped under them and settled, snuggling against the pillow as I took my spot on my usual side. He touched my hand when I laid it on the bed between us, and I didn’t yank it away. Jesus talked about taking care of others, but I didn’t think this was what he meant. Or maybe he did.... What did I know?
“Good night, Daddy.” His sweet whisper made warmth sizzle in my stomach.
“Good night, Phoenix.”
* * *
Over the nextweek we followed a strange routine that made me feel like Phoenix fit into my world as though he’d been a missing piece of the puzzle. His futon arrived the day after we went to the store together, and Bobby helped me assemble it. Phoenix and I went to the church to help out nearly every day, and we also made progress getting Phoenix’s classes arranged. We had plenty of time to get him ready since he wouldn’t be starting until September.
Malachi hadn’t said much to me, but I felt his disapproving gaze on me every time I came into the church with Phoenix. Thankfully the Sisters of Mercy adored Phoenix, and although they were godly women, it was clear they might do something dire if Malachi suggested that Phoenix stop volunteering, and I thought he knew it, too. Jericho, on the other hand, was over the moon about all the time I was spending with Phoenix. Three nights after Mamma cooked food she came over to do it again, and this time Jericho was there to witness it. Mamma also taught Phoenix some skills.
The days flew by with Phoenix in my life, and before I was ready it was finally late afternoon on Friday and time to leave for Nic’s birthday. I hated the nerves that had taken root in me. Anxiety needled my insides, and I couldn’t stop fidgeting once we got into the car Mamma had insisted on sending. I’d told her we’d take the bus, but she wasn’t going to allow that.
