The memory of the words Toma had flung at me before Phoenix came into my office echoed in my head.
“You haven’t changed, you knucklefuck. You’re the same old Gian you’ve always been, you’re just in some weird, fucked-up Jesus fantasyland. Do you get your rocks off having people confess their sins to you?”
I’d raised my chin as he drove me against the wall at my back again.“I am not gonna give you what you want, Toma. I won’t stoop to your level.”
He’d laughed and punched the wall beside my head, and to my surprise, the drywall had crumbled under the force of his hit. He’d bared his teeth at me, the same expression he used on men he wanted to scare. I’d seen it enough times.“You’re a coward. You’re hiding because you’re afraid, nothing fucking more.”
Was I? Other than God, what did I have to fear?
I shook the thoughts from my head and focused on Phoenix again when he closed the menu with a flourish and flashed a large grin at me. “I’d like an alligator po’boy with the works and remoulade, not mayo. Yuck. Oh, and Louisiana hot sauce.”
“Now you’re talking!” I laughed and clapped my hands. “I’ll be right back.”
I went up to order, and there was only one man in front of me. When it was my turn I winked at Preston, the young man behind the counter—I’d been here enough times that I knew the names of all the workers, and I liked to make small talk.
Preston was putting himself through college, which wasn’t an easy task because his dad worked three jobs, meaning Preston regularly had to take care of his younger sister—their mom died on the job at a seafood factory, and Preston worked to help his dad financially, as well. He also happened to be incredibly smart, but when someone grew up in a poor neighborhood, it was always hard to find time to study while working and taking care of family.
Preston was nineteen, if I recalled correctly, and the type of guy who would’ve caught my eye once upon a time, with shiny black curls and a sepia complexion. I usually wasn’t a fan of piercings, but the thick silver ring that hung from his ear and the one through his septum fit his quirky personality. The fact that I’d noticed his good looks multiple times in the past made me think about Toma’s words again. How right was he? Was I a bad person for preaching about God while appreciating a man’s beauty?
I glanced at Phoenix, whose smile lit up the entire area, and I couldn’t help but return it. No, I was onlyhelpinghim for now. It was temporary.
I looked back at Preston. “Good afternoon, Preston. You know my order.”
Preston was already typing on the screen in front of him. “I certainly do. A fried shrimp po’boy with the works and Louisiana-style hot sauce and remoulade, fries on the side. Does your friend want anything?”
After I gave him Phoenix’s order and paid, I went back to the table and took my seat. Phoenix hadn’t taken his eyes off me since I went to the register, and the adoration in his gaze had me shifting uncomfortably.
“I should’ve gone to order for us, Daddy.”
A lady I vaguely recognized, who sat at the table beside us, frowned, and my cheeks burned. Clearing my throat, I lowered my voice. “Phoenix, we need to talk about this Daddy thing. I’m not your Daddy, am I? The man you left was. I’m trying to help you.”
“But you said you’d protect me. I....” He laid his hands flat on the table and stared down at them. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m trying to help. Tell me something about your life before your Daddy. Who are you, Phoenix?”
He chewed on his bottom lip, and by the indent there, I thought it was a habit. I was tempted to lean over and pull it from his teeth, but I couldn’t. That wasn’t who I was anymore. “I’m Phoenix, a boy to my Daddy.”
“Beforethat,” I tried again. “Where’s your mother? Your father? Do you have any siblings?”
He turned his head to stare at the brown brick wall beside us, and it was obvious he was shutting down because he didn’t want to have this conversation. His eyes were dull, like my questions had blown out the candle that made him glow.
“Phoenix, I am here to help you, but to do that I need to know information.”
“Would you tell me about your cousin?” he asked, so quietly I barely heard him. “Why he had you against the wall?”
I sucked in a deep breath.
When he glanced at me, hurt filled his eyes. “Would you tell me what he wanted? Why he was in there?” His voice grew more confident before he spun to stare at the wall again, retreating into his shell. Phoenix was a fighter and his spirit had me smiling. I just had to learn how to bring his fire out in a way that didn’t involve telling him the truth about my cousins. Half-truths couldn’t hurt, though, right?
“I wasn’t always a good man.” I clasped my hands together on the table and stared at him. A few discolored scars marred my knuckles, remnants from terrible things I’d done for Ric, things I didn’t want to remember. “And I changed, I found God. My cousin Toma is an atheist, and not all nonbelievers are like that, Phoenix, but he’s mad at me. He believes I betrayed him by choosing religion over our business. The only way he knows how to deal with that anger is through violence.”
“Why would you let him treat you like that, Daddy?” He’d turned his body fully toward me again, more open than moments before, trust returned.
“Why would you let your Daddy hurt you, Phoenix?” I asked gently. “Can you answer that?”
He gasped.
“Tell me.” I pushed a little more. “Tell me what he did to you.”
