Fallon mumbled in his sleep, and I turned to him, but he didn’t open his eyes.
Rowen let out a thinking hum like he disagreed, and anger thumped in my chest along with the guilt that had been churning there almost from the beginning. “I’m happy right now. Happier than I’ve ever been. You said you were fine with... this.”
“I did,” he murmured and glanced away, but he laced his fingers with mine, so I didn’t worry too much. “I know.”
“Rowen?” My mind churned up all the times in the last little while I’d thought maybe he wasn’t happy. I didn’t always notice things, but sometimes I thought he wished we were alone together, and that hadn’t happened much lately. Was that my fault? His? My gut twisted. I didn’t want to make him miserable or lose him. But now.... I glanced over my shoulder at Fallon. I didn’t want to lose him, either. Or any of the men I was getting so attached to.
“I’m jealous, all right? I didn’t think I would be, but I am.” Rowen’s mouth thinned to a harsh line that had me sucking in a deep breath.
“I assumed it would be Cillian to do this, if anyone did,” I whispered.
Rowen shrugged and his eyes darkened with an emotion I thought might be anger. “I want to be with ye, but there’s only so much time in a day. And there’s none of it set aside for us as a couple.”
“I’ll make time for you.”
“Ye say that.”
My chest squeezed. This was as close as we’d ever come to having a real argument and I hated it. “Iamsaying that. Why are you doing this right now?”
He glanced across me to stare at Fallon. “Because I saw ye out there. Ye were ready to have blood over his treatment. Ye did have some.” I couldn’t fathom what had put the hurt on his face, and I sat, stunned. I knew I’d taken too long to say anything because his mouth slipped into a full-fledged frown before my mind clicked all the pieces of the conversation together.
“I would have been furious if that had happened to you, too.” I squeezed his hand in mine.
He stared at me.
I jutted my chin at him, refusing to back down. “You can’t call me a liar over something that hasn’t happened yet. I would defend you, too, Rowen.”
“I didn’t call ye anythin’, angel.”
“Your face did.”
His expression softened. “I know ye would’ve. I’ve never seen that side of ye.”
Shrugging, I shifted to stare at Fallon with Rowen. “I’ve never had a reason to act that way in the past. I’ve never been connected like this to anyone, let alone multiple people.” My chest tightened and I glanced at him.
Maybe I couldn’t be enough for four men. I didn’t want to lose Rowen if I could help it, selfish or not. Leaning over, I tilted my chin up. He didn’t disappoint and settled his lips on mine, but I couldn’t help but feel this conversation wasn’t over yet. Tired and scared of what we’d find when we landed, I sagged against Rowen’s side. I was exhausted but hadn’t been able to close my eyes at all in the hotel room with Fallon.
Cillian came from the front of the plane. There was something that reminded me of a conference room in that direction. I’d peeked in before he and Aspen had disappeared behind a locked door to talk to Mr. Killough on speaker. He flopped onto the couch—which was still odd to me every time I thought about its existence on a plane—next to Rowen.
Cillian ruffled Rowen’s hair, and Rowen punched him hard on the thigh. Cillian laughed and punched him back, and they only settled when they’d managed to knock around the cushions enough that a whimper escaped Fallon.
“Anything new?” Rowen asked.
Cillian shook his head, jaw tightening. “Nothing we didn’t already know. There have been two more hits around the city. A logistics company and a restaurant, both owned by the Follieros. Sloan is madder than a bull in a red-paint factory. He’s furious Fallon is out of commission. He’s got work for us as soon as we land.” He glanced significantly at me, and I might not have noticed him and Rowen sharing looks except they weren’t even pretending to be sly about it. How often did that happen? I’d been out of it for a while, worse than usual since my father passed. I sighed, in a strange way feeling like I was beginning to surface again after months of swimming on the bottom of the ocean.
“The kind of work you don’t want me writing about?” I asked dryly.
Cillian jerked his attention to me, nodded, and kept talking to Rowen about what Mr. Killough was thinking would happen in the coming days. I drifted, turning to brush Fallon’s hair behind his ear. Rowen and Cillian went off toward the rear of the plane and stepped through a doorway to lean against a counter beside a sink in a galley kitchen. They whispered to each other there.
“You look wrecked,” Aspen said, voice low as he took their spot. I groaned happily as he wrapped a strong arm around me. He smelled good. I wasn’t sure what brand he used for his cologne, but it was a more potent, brighter scent than any of the others wore. I buried my nose against his collar and closed my eyes.
“I am.”
“There’s a bed in the back. Why don’t you go lie on it?”
“I feel like I could twitch right out of my skin.” I shook my head and stood quickly, but then realized I had no idea what I was doing. I paced over to stare out one of the windows at a breathtaking, starry sky. I couldn’t even enjoy the moonlight silvering the clouds the plane skimmed above. Turbulence struck, not much, but I shot out a hand to steady myself against the wall and my breath hitched until the plane’s course smoothed again. “I hate what happened tonight.”
Aspen wasn’t a huge talker normally, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when he stood and came over to wrap his arms around me. He also wasn’t usually a cuddler for no reason, but he didn’t do anything except provide comfort as we both watched the world pass by. “Go get in the bed,” he whispered.
