“You know I like sucking,” he whispered, almost like he was afraid someone would hear us. “I happily sucked Cillian’s soft dick last night, didn’t I? All night.” He grinned.Wicked angel.
“Ye did,” I purred, leaning forward again. I reached for his hand and slid my fingers into his, then brought his knuckles to my lips. “Ye naughty boy.”
“So, why wouldn’t I like feasting on your breasts?” His gaze dipped down to my white dress shirt, which hid the body parts he clearly wanted to suck.
My cock fattened up, and it took all my effort not to abandon dinner now and take him upstairs. I wasn’t Cillian. I wanted this to work out, and that meant getting to know him. “Tell me about ye. Who are ye, Dr. Mifflin? What’s it like living in yer brain?”
“Messy.” His answer was immediate and he heaved out a long breath. “I can never explain it to anyone else. It’s a race with my own mind. It’s constantly running. Even now while we talk about me, all I can think about is my research and what order I should put my book in. I get caught up in my own head, which makes me forget about everything else.” He sucked his lips into his mouth and focused on our interconnected fingers. “When I get excited about something, I hyperfocus on it. That means someone can talk straight to my face, but I might nothearthem. It’s very frustrating for everyone involved. I forget things easily, too. I can think about something I need to do, and then a second later forget about it because I remembered something else. Then that thing I forgot? I remember it the next day, only to do it all over again.”
I cocked my head and squeezed his hand, listening. I couldn’t comprehend it, but it sounded painful for him.
He gave me those sad eyes and my heart ached. “I don’t mean to forget. I don’t. It just happens. I try hard to keep myself organized. I have a coach now to help me figure it all out. My phone has so many alarms set, even for everyday chores like eating and sleeping. I used to take meds, but they made me forget to eat, which made me feel worse, so I stopped with them. I still take PrEP, and sometimes I forget that, but I haven’t had a reason to worry about it. I have to try twice as hard to keep it together. I get so caught up in my head, I forget about the real world.”
“And that’s lost ye some friends,” I surmised. It was easy to see he’d been hurt by other people. Hell, I’d seen men and women leave their friends and partners behind for a lot less.
“Yes.” He sighed. “And a boyfriend. I had one in high school. I just keptforgettingabout our dates. The nail in the coffin was his birthday. I swear I wanted to remember. I even got his birthday present and placed it on the table so I would.” He ripped his hand out of mine so he could act out putting that present in front of him, his focus on the imaginary gift in his hands. His face crumpled. “But I forgot again, and he moved on to someone else.” His shoulders shook, and I grabbed my chair, moving it around closer so he could lean into me and bury his face against my neck. “No one can be madder at me than myself. I don’tenjoynot remembering this stuff. I don’t like having a mind that won’t stop. I hate it. So much.”
“I know,” I soothed gently, kissing his forehead. “It’s okay, angel. I promise. Cillian and I won’t leave ye because of that. Never. We’ll help ye remember if ye want. We’ll take care of ye.”
“Promise?” He blinked wet eyes at me, but no tears had fallen. There was hope in his expression, though, and my stomach clenched. I wanted to give him the world. I’d keep him safe any way possible, and I’d be there for him, no matter what.
“Promise.”
I just had to figure out a way to make himstopwriting that book.
He smiled so tenderly that my heart nearly leaped out of my chest.
Fuck, I was in trouble.
14
VAIL
It wasdifficult to finish my food because I kept stopping to smile at Rowen, and every time I did he would chuckle and knock his shoulder against mine. He had dragged his plate over to the spot directly beside me so we could sit close together. I rested my hand on his knee as I ate, simply because I liked touching him. It felt completely hedonistic to be sharing a meal with him. This ability to casually be in another person’s space was so new.
“Did I tell you the food is good? It’s fantastic. Thank you. No one cooks for me.” I nudged his leg with mine, and he laid down his fork. I was afraid I’d said the wrong thing because he shook his head and his nostrils flared.
“I’ve known ye a few days and ye can say it, tell me thanks. The rest of the heathens in this house can’t be arsed.”
Laughing, I set my fork down, then drained my glass of water and sat back. “Yeah, I can’t honestly see Cillian thanking you for anything, but Fallon? I’m shocked about him. Aspen doesn’t seem like he talks much at all.”
“Nah, he don’t, ye’re right at that.”
I tried not to stare at Rowen’s hard, flat chest, but a spark of lust had ignited when he’d talked aboutbreastsearlier, and it had sounded so funny in his cute accent. But breasts had made me think about his pink nipples—and how if you were nice to nipples they generally got hard like a dick. Which made me want to crawl under the table and suck him off. I cleared my throat and forced myself to glance up into his face, but his red eyebrows were already marching steadily toward his hairline.
“Okay, you caught me checking out your chest.”
He laughed. “Hmm. I did.”
“You know, before today I don’t think that’s ever happened to me. I don’t usually get caught staring at people. I know it’s not socially acceptable. But you’ve got that red hair, and this beard”—I dragged a finger along his jaw, and he leaned into my touch—“and you make me feel good,” I murmured.
He laughed as he caught my finger and gave the tip a kiss. There was a moment where we stared too long, and my face scalded. He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, and at the same time stood. He was smiling as he began to clear away the plates, and I was so happy with him and what he’d promised that I didn’t want to let him out of my sight, not for even a minute. I picked up our empty glasses and followed him out to the kitchen. As he began to fill the sink with water, I studied him. He was so handsome with his wide shoulders and the way his lips looked soft against his beard. His hands were solid and strong. Everything about him made me want to ask him to touch me.
Plus, no one had ever offered me a real relationship as an adult and I was blown away by it. He’d even said Cillian wanted to be with me the same way. While I didn’t think he could actually commit someone else to me, he seemed to think he could, and that made me hopeful that Cillian really would want to try to be with me, too.
It was like all my dreams were coming true at once. I had an amazing job that was mostly working out, even though I’d had some trouble. Yeah, I was missing my book research right now, but it would probably turn up. I had a book I was behind on, but at least I had a contract for it, and people were interested in my work. The students asked about it constantly. All I would need to do is beg the publisher for an extension on my deadline. I went up behind Rowen and wrapped my arms around his solid waist, giving him a hug.
“What’s that for?” he asked, leaning his head back to grin at me.
