“You’ve never told me that.” I glanced around. It was a desolate view, but I could see the beauty in it, stark lines and a ribbon of glittery water all carved out by shadows and time. It felt like an ancient temple in the middle of our brutal city life.
“I wasn’t the nicest guy in prison.” He pitched a rock out and it bounced off the stone wall across from us and down into the water.
I shrugged. “You couldn’t afford to be. You were okay.” I nudged him again with my shoulder, and he laughed.
“Yeah?”
“You were good for me.” My cheeks heated. If Colton hadn’t taken an interest in me, I might still be alone while trying to figure out how to be myself and being jealous of Travis and his cupcake, Mackenzie.
Colton turned and cupped my cheek with his hand. We stared at each other for a few seconds, and my stomach heated as he bent down and brushed his lips to mine. “I’m scared that one of these days you’re going to wake up, realize how beautiful you are, and that you accidentally hitched yourself to a washed-up fucking con. Then you’ll leave.”
I sucked in a deep breath and coughed as his words jolted through my system. “What?”
He shrugged, mouth twisted down in a scowl as he looked away.
We stayed there for ages as the shadows grew longer and the gully became murkier and more unsettling. The bottom slowly disappeared from view with the deepening dark.
“Me fucking you or not fucking you isn’t going to make me leave or stay. I stay for one reason only.”
“What’s that?” he asked, whip fast, and I was surprised to hear some emotion in his tone—maybe fear, not that he would ever admit it.
“I love you,” I said simply. “You make me feel peaceful. Safe. I’m happy most of the time with you. All the good shit is bigger and better than the stuff that annoys me.”
His chest puffed up and he smirked as he peeked at me out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah?”
I nodded and glanced away. “So… like I said before, we can let it go. I was good where we were.”
His fingers tightened on mine. “I don’t want to. I… fuck, Charley.” He sighed and shook his head.
“You don’t—”
“I love you, too, and you know it. I want you happy.” He shook my hand around.
“I already was.”
“But will you be forever?” He stared at the sky. “Especially if I’m too much of a chickenshit to give you what you hand over to me every day?”
“Is that what you are?” My heart clenched in my chest and a pang had me rubbing at it. “Scared?”
His jaw hardened and he shook his head, and then he seemed to change his mind and nodded.
“I’m fine with you leading the show most of the time and you know it. This doesn’t have to be any different. Like when I ride you, but you still like to grab my hips and fuck me hard? You can have a say in this. I’m not going to suddenly be a different person because my dick is in you.”
He let out a little growl and brought my hand up to his lips, which were soft as he pressed them to my palm, then bit at my pulse point.
“You’d just be using my dick to get off rather than my ass. You can still set the pace. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I like that you take charge. I like that you know what you want and enjoy the hell out of it and ride the wheels off every moment we’re together. That’s what burned about this last fight. We weren’t fucking enjoying anything. Life isn’t about sitting around hating shit. It’s about living, or you’re doing it wrong.”
I felt like I’d talked all the words I needed to say for a thousand years, and my mouth snapped shut. We sat there for a while and the stars began to pop out overhead.
“I don’t want to disappoint you, Charley. I’ve done enough of that. Getting shot. Going back to prison. This is just something else I didn’t do right with you.”
I slid closer to him, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You wanna know a secret?”
He grunted.
I laid my head on his solid chest. “Even if you did go back to prison? I’d wait. Not like for twenty years or anything,” I said fast, so he wouldn’t do anything too fucking stupid. “But if you got picked up for another six months, you’d come back to me waiting.”
He turned and wrapped both of his arms around me, pulling me into a hug that was so strong it almost stole my breath. “Charley, let’s go home. I trust you, okay? I want to try new shit and live our life together.”
