“I don’t know. I hope you didn’t used to jerk off to the thought of me making you hurt,” I grumbled.
He held on tighter, and his warm breath tickled my ear. “I would go into the bathroom, lean against the door, shove my pants down to my knees, and think about you holding me down. You would trap my hands over my head because you were so tall. You would kiss me and hump your hard cock against mine. And I always imagined as I was coming that… I would be like this when we were done.” He leaned back a bit and touched the belly.
“That was what you used to jerk off to? Even if you had the equipment, you know it takes more than that to get knocked up, right?” I asked on a laugh. “We don’t need to have the birds-and-bees talk, do we?”
“I was sheltered,” he said, then snickered in my ear, a happy, masculine sound that had me tightening my arms around him as I gave him a squeeze. “I was seventeen before my parents let me have my own phone or computer. Mom was terrified someone was going to talk me into meeting them somewhere and they’d never see me again. She watched too manyUnsolved Mysteriesreruns. She still listens to all thosehow to be a serial killerpodcasts.”
“Catch a serial killer,” I murmured.
“Same thing, especially if you’ve ever listened to them. They’re like how-to instructions.” He gusted out a husky laugh again and pressed his face against my neck. My cock kicked in my pants and I let out a shaky breath.
“So, your wildest fantasy was you. Pregnant. With my baby. From kissing.”
“And frotting. Don’t forget that,” he said and brushed his lips over my ear. “It was very—” He nibbled my earlobe. “—important.” Lips grazed my throat. “To the process.” He sucked just above the collar of my shirt and the heat and silky fire of his mouth had me closing my eyes tight. Trembles rocked my body. “As I got older the fantasy became more involved. And after a while… I stopped obsessing on you. Well… I started jerking off to the idea of a Daddy. Sometimes my Daddy was still you, but I tried not to do that because you’re straight.”
“I always liked having you around. Spending time with you,” I gasped out, eyes closed tight.
“You never dated.”
“I went out with Raina Gibson freshman year of college. Sort of.”
Z grunted and sucked on a different spot. I let out a long breath when he sat back. I blinked my eyes open. The world had fuzzy edges, and his messy curls coaxed me into burying a hand in his soft hair. He didn’t stop me, and I scratched at his scalp. His smile softened.
“Love doing this,” I whispered. “You don’t like it when I screw up your hair.”
He hummed. “That girl dumped you. You said she was too stuck-up. I hated her the whole time you dated her.”
Shame heated my face. That wasn’t the nicest lie I’d ever told.
“What?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“She said we spent too much time together, and it was you or her.”
He sat back. “You never told me.”
I shrugged.
“Did you sleep with her?”
I nodded slowly.
His mouth twisted into a frown.
“You slept with plenty of people.” A flash of hurt took me by surprise.
He waved me off. “It’s not that. Did you like it? Were there other girls I didn’t know about?”
“There were a couple of times after the bars closed. It was always okay. I came. But clearly I’m not out there hunting it down. I don’t know. You date.” The last few years sharpened and became clearer to me. “I spend all my time waiting for you to be between guys.”
A small furrow formed on Z’s brow. “Okay. Nicky says, not that he’s an authority or anything, but he says that sexuality is fluid. Flexible. Which I always thought was right, to some degree.” A thinking frown settled onto his lips, and he raised his head against my fingers. Carefully, I extracted my hand from the soft pile of hair and promised myself if we were going to do… whatever this was, I’d be playing with it again soon.
“Maybe some people just don’t know everything they like all at once. I do like you, Z. The past couple of days aren’t the first time I’ve thought about you. It’s just the first time I’ve thought seriously about doing something with you. You’ve always been there for me.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, and he let out a pleased little hum. “You took the first step. It might’ve taken me another twenty years to do it. But you were brave, and now… I need to know.”
Z nodded, and for a while we were quiet, holding each other. My knees began to hurt but I didn’t move. We were both scared, or at least, I thought so, because if we went forward and it didn’t work, what then?
I couldn’t stand the waiting anymore as he studied me, almost begging me to make this better. I leaned toward him, and for the first time in my life I sealed my mouth over his. His lips had always been beautiful, and they were soft and giving under mine. I sucked at his bottom lip until he gasped, and I surged forward and came to an awkward half stand just because I wanted to be able to push his head back and get more of my tongue in his mouth. Somehow, my strange maneuver made Z tug me closer. With some scrabbling from both of us, we ended up lying side by side, sharing a pillow. The small bump of his belly pressed tight between us and kept me from grinding my firm cock against him. I was glad because I had a rushing feeling like I was driving too fast on ice.
Blissful heat built between us as we explored each other’s mouths with a carefulness I’d never used with anyone else. I wanted to map each crevice, learn how he liked to swirl his tongue. Soon I had both arms around him, holding him close. He moved and rolled on top of me, and I groaned as he settled his weight onto my front with his groin lined up to mine. The pressure on my cock had me digging my toes in against the bed. He rocked his hips and his mouth fell open in pleasure while his eyes slid shut. Lightning slammed my stomach.
