“Damn it, Z. Why can’t you ever just follow simple requests? Let me in!”
There was another pitiful sob, and I couldn’t stand around negotiating when he was in there in pain. Thinking fast, I went back into my room and grabbed my wallet from the top of my dresser. I ran back to the door, took out my debit card, and slid it between the side of the door near the knob and the jamb, wriggling it around. I groaned when my debit card broke in half, knocking my forehead against the door. Not about to quit, because another heartbreaking sound carried out to me, I grabbed out my credit card and ran it along the crack between the door, paying more attention. I wriggled the card until it was down near the strike plate and felt it catch on the latch. I pressed the card forward and jiggled the door. Relief nearly knocked my knees out from under me when the door pushed open, and I was glad I hadn’t destroyed the credit card, too, or I’d have been writing checks for the next two weeks. I tossed the card onto the floor with my wallet and rushed into the room.
Zayden’s curls gleamed in the soft lamplight, and his face was buried in his hands. His bowed back was a question mark, and if he stayed huddled that way much longer, he would hurt, especially with how tense his shoulders seemed to be. I hit my knees in front of him.
He glanced up and reared back, but I grabbed his legs so he couldn’t run away from me again.
“How?” He stared at the door with his pretty pink lips parted in astonishment.
“Remember in the tenth grade when the doorknob kept jamming on the front door, and Mom was having fits about it, and I had to learn how to break into the house?” I flashed him a smile.
“Yeah,” he mumbled, wiping at his cheeks with the back of his hand. They still glistened with tears, and new ones trickled in lines down his face. My heart squeezed, and I would rip it out and give it to him if he would just stop being so damned sad. “But why did you break in here?”
Opening my mouth, I froze. What the hell should I say? Where should I start? “Because I needed to tell you why you’re wrong.” I grasped his thighs, and he whimpered, which made me rub at the spots where I’d held on too tight. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to tell me I’m being stupid. I get it.” He glanced down toward the floor, and I actually wanted to yell. I hated when he did this—talked all around a topic.
“Stop, that’s not what I meant. You haven’t given me a chance to say anything.” I clenched my teeth. “You can’t have a conversation alone.”
Z curled forward, holding his rounded stomach… the baby belly. Christ, it was easy to forget it wasn’t real. It was so cute on him. I had no idea how this had driven off other men… unless it wasn’t only the belly that had done it. That left me apprehensive about the other parts of what he wanted, the Daddy stuff. I let out a long breath.
“I can’t lose you over sex,” he mumbled. “I’ll take what I can get.”
Drawing in deep breaths to steady myself, I caught a whiff of him. This room smelled like his cologne and soft notes of vanilla. I spied another candle he had in here, and the flame wavered on the dresser. I bit the tip of my tongue. The damned table wasn’t that long ago. “I feel the same way. I spent all evening hoping you were okay. I hated not knowing where you were, worrying that you were out getting fucked by a stranger without taking much thought for your own needs. I don’t care if Nicky knows someone, that’s… that’s not good enough for me to count on for your safety. I don’t like you out with strangers.”
“I’m sorry I said those things in the bedroom.” Zayden still wouldn’t look at me.
I couldn’t stand it. My stomach plummeted, and the hurt that stabbed into me made my breath catch.
Z let out another sad whimper and frowned up at me.
“I hate watching you go, over and over again.” I rubbed his legs harder and worried I might hurt him, so I made myself stop. “I hate worrying about the next fucker who might break your heart. You know I love you, too. I do. You have to know that.”
“I know, but you don’t mean it like I do.”
I took a deep breath and traced my hands along the outside of his thighs in a way I’d never touched him. His muscles were firm and his body was warm through the fabric of his pants. I ended my caress by cupping his hips, and he stared down at me, his pretty brown eyes wider than I’d ever seen them.
“You know you’re cute.” I leaned up and kissed the tip of his nose. When I sat back, I’d earned myself a tiny smile.
“Fern, straight guys don’t tell other men they’re cute.”
Even though I hated doing it, I couldn’t hold back an eye roll. “Everyone can tell when someone else is attractive.”
“Did you like it when I kissed you?” Z used two fingers to tap my lips, and my stomach zinged with warmth.
“Yeah. I like all of your kisses. They always feel good.”
He rested his hands on top of mine, tear-glossed eyes gleaming in the lamplight. “Were you… okay, no. We’re talking for real, right? You were hard the other night when I was on your lap.”
Clearing my throat, I tried not to blush and lost the battle completely as my body heated. I scooted near the bed, and he spread his legs so I could be closer to him. My breath rushed out of me when I sat up straighter on my knees and the insides of his thighs brushed against my sides. “I was hard twenty minutes ago while I was holding you. You’re warm, and I like you. And you fit just right in my arms. Doesn’t that happen to anyone in those circumstances?” I was so lost with this.
“And you apparently find me cute.” His eyelashes fluttered in his version of an eye roll, but he smiled. “I can’t help but think we’re still talking about different things.”
“I’ve never been with a man, not like some straight guys, you know what I mean?”
He lifted his eyebrows and sat up taller, a snicker bubbling out of him. “Okay, so… what the hell areyoutalking about?”
My face felt like it was on fire, and he studied me too intently. “Well… you know….”
