“Come here, sweet boy.” He patted the couch at his side, and I padded my way over obediently, taking a seat. I laid my hands in my lap and pulled my legs up underneath me. He curled his arm around me, and I leaned against him. It was a strange thing to trust a man so quickly, but nothing about Wayne scared me. He’d been kind and polite since I arrived.
“Tell me about your best friend that you love?” I asked quietly, because I saw it in his eyes. He was reliving something and it hurt.
He laughed and the sound was warm and inviting. “You’re clever.”
“I am a paralegal,” I said with a grin. “I have two jobs. Take shit from my boss and fix problems.”
Sighing, he leaned his head back against the couch. “Not even Nicky knows about this. You’re the first person in New Gothenburg I’ve told.”
“But don’t you have friends on the kickball team?” I asked. They all seemed very close on the team, and if I joined, it would be for that reason alone. I liked Brad, Kwan, and Harley. They had completely different personalities, but they were fun and open. I’d even thought about inviting Dare to join with me until I’d remembered it was an LGBTQ team and he was straight. The talk I’d had with him on Sunday had been nice, and I’dfelthis dick press against me, but I’d brushed it off as an unconscious reaction. Any man with a warm body on top of him would get hard.
“Yeah, but this is different.” He cringed and smiled sadly. “This is my past.”
“Tell me?” I hated seeing him so sad, but at the same time I had someone who could relate to me. It was fine talking to Nicky about it, but no one understood unless they went through it.
Wayne sighed. “He was my best friend back in Pleasant Beach in Cali. That’s where I grew up. He never outright said he was straight, but he married a woman. On the night before his wedding, I decided I couldn’t keep my secret anymore, so I told him I was in love with him, that I wanted him to be my boy.”
I sucked in a breath. “What happened?” My voice was low, shaky.
His laughter sliced through my chest and made a direct hit to my heart. Hurt threaded through the sound. “He was mad that I hadn’t told him earlier. Said it was too late and now he was stuck.” His eyes slipped closed and he took a deep breath. “I told him to leave with me. Tomorrow we’d get on a plane and leave for New Gothenburg. I had an aunt here who could help us set up for a new life. He didn’t need to marry his father’s best friend’s daughter. His father… he was a mean son of a bitch. A drunk. He would never have accepted a gay son, and back in the eighties, homophobia was everywhere.” He ran his hand over his mouth and his jaw clenched. “More so than it is now. You have to realize, back in those days there was fierce anger over gay men. The AIDS epidemic was happening, and everyone blamed us, didn’t want to help us. My best friend’s family would never have accepted him as gay, so I knew the only choice we had was to run.”
My heart hammered so hard I felt it in my throat. I gasped. “What happened?”
He chuckled bitterly. “I told him I’d wait for him at the airport the next morning. I’d buy us tickets. I did, and I waited. He never came.” He turned and leaned his forehead against my temple, and I hugged him, because if anyone needed comfort right now, it was him. “He was married to her until three years ago. My mom told me they divorced. He came out as gay.”
“And?” I asked urgently. “Did you reach out to him?”
He shook his head against me. “No, it’s too late for us, but it’s not for you.” Sliding a hand on my cheek, he turned my face. His smile was sad. “Go home, Zayden, and tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t return those feelings and wants to stop being friends with you, then he didn’t deserve you in the first place. And if he does feel something for you, then you can have him.”
“What if we date and it doesn’t work out? I can’t lose him. He’s my rock.”
“Trust in your relationship. If he’s your best friend, then he knows you, and you know him.” He laughed, this time happier. “Fuck, boy, listen to me. Giving advice like this. I should have become a psychiatrist.”
I grinned. “You would have made a good shrink.”
He shook his head and ran a hand through his wet silvery hair. “No, I’m a Daddy. I like taking care of boys, even boys who aren’t mine.”
“You’re a good Daddy, then,” I said truthfully, leaning into his warmth.
He kissed my forehead. “Thank you, sweet boy.”
By the time Wayne dropped me off at home, I’d gathered the courage to tell Dare the truth.
I’m in love with you.It was easy. Five words. Except, when he came barreling down the stairs to check if I was all right the moment I got home, guilt overtook the courage. I didn’t have it in me to confess.
Dare led me over to the patched-up kitchen table that smelled strongly of whatever he’d used to mostly repair the damage and seal it. I hated the sweet, chemical stench. But he’d fixed my mess, and I didn’t complain when he pushed me into a chair. “Do you want coffee?” he asked as he strode into the open-plan kitchen, fussing around with some mugs and the Keurig.
I scratched my finger over the weirdly smooth scar on the table and sighed. I’d beensoclose to telling him. So very close. I thought tonight was going to be it, but I’d chickened out—again.
“Z?” Dare cocked his head at me, and I stared at him in all his softness, which had my entire body warm.
“He was a good man,” I said, instead of answering his question. “Wayne. I like him.”
His face grew serious as he came back around the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining/living room. He crossed his arms, something like irritation crinkling his brow. I’d seen that look more than once this week and hated it. Dare was kind and smart and sweet—not annoyed.
“You don’t know him after one night. You liked Serge, too, and he cheated on you.”
I winced, and bitterness coated my tongue at the mention of my ex. “You don’t need to remind me.”
