I knocked on his door, but he didn’t answer. Laughter filled the room. Smiling, I twisted the knob and stepped inside. Dare lay on the bed on his stomach, his iPad clutched in his hands with his back to the door. He didn’t see me come in, and he had his noise-canceling headphones on.
More laughter sent a blanket of warmth through me as I shifted closer. I went to touch his back but stopped when my gaze landed on the screen he was watching. Was that a cartoon? It looked like horses or something.
My eyes widened. Dare chose that instant to glance over his shoulder and yell out in surprise. He threw the headphones off, hitting me square in the forehead. I stumbled backward, landing on my ass. Hard. It hurt.A lot.
I groaned as Dare lurched to his feet from the bed, falling on the blue carpet beside me.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Z. Are you okay?” He cupped my cheeks, wincing in apology. “I didn’t see you, and you scared the shit out of me.”
“Ow.” Chuckling, I shoved him playfully, and he fell backward onto his ass. “That hurt.”
A grin broke out on his face and it was the happiest I’d seen him in so long. He knocked his knee against mine. “That’s whatyouget for walking into my room unannounced.”
“Like you did to me last night?” I bit back teasingly.
He laughed, and I squirmed. “Yeah, I guess we know each other’s secrets now.”
“Whatwereyou watching?” I waggled my eyebrows at him. “Was that a kids’ show? Were you watching a kids’ cartoon?”
“Shut up,” he grumbled, shoving my knee.
I laughed until my chest and stomach hurt, and he watched me, smiling. Everything felt right in the world again, like what happened last night was forgotten. But I wasn’t going to let this go, even if it felt like everything was back to normal. I’d read too many romance books about miscommunication; I wasn’t doing that shit.Nope.I wasn’t losing Dare over something stupid like that.
“Can we talk?” I whispered, when I’d finally calmed down enough.
“Sure. Here?” He glanced around the room.
I nodded. “I like it here. It’s… relaxing. Calm. You?”
His eyes twinkled and he slid backward to rest against the bed. He opened his arms, and I crawled over to sit beside him, letting him wrap me up in his strong embrace. Dare was truly the teddy bear that everyone dreamed of having. Cuddly, warm, the perfect size. I snuggled into his heat and sighed.
“Let’s talk,” he murmured into my ear, his breath sweeping across my skin and making me shiver. “I’m sorry about walking in on you last night.”
I shook my head. “I forgive you for that, but I feel like we need to talk about it.”
His breath caught. “We don’t have to. What I saw was none of my business.”
“I know.” My cheeks burned, and I took a deep breath in, then let it out again, gathering myself.Courage.I could do this. How many times had I explained to my boyfriends what I was into? Too many. Yet, Dare was different. He meant a lot more to me than a guy I was dating. In my wildest fantasies, he was my one true love. In reality… he was my best friend, my forever person who’d always be at my side, fighting my battles with me. “But I want to explain anyway.”
“Okay.” He brushed his hand up my arm and down it again, curling his fingers around my elbow. “I’m listening.”
“Don’t you have questions first?”
His eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he bit the corner of his mouth. Finally he shook his head. “I’m not here to judge you or question what you’re into, Z. You’re my best friend.”
I smiled and my heart leaped in my chest. Why was he so damned amazing? Why couldn’t I have him? “I can’t explain it, just so you know. Not fully. But I’ll try my best?”
He nodded.
I ordered my thoughts as much as I could. Recollections rushed through my head, all the events that led me to this. “The earliest thing I remember was Mom buying me a Baby Born. One of those dolls. They were for girls, and Father… mybiologicalfather, was furious about it. I didn’t know it was wrong to want a baby, I was just so happy to have one. I put it under my shirt and pretended to be pregnant with it. When Father saw me, I told him I was giving birth. He was so mad he ripped the doll’s head off. He hit me.” I shuddered at the memory. “I’d never been more scared of him than I was then. You know I never talk about him. That’s why. Mom packed our stuff. That’s the day we left.”
I rubbed a hand over my thigh, a nervous habit whenever I talked about my “real” father. He was still a scary thought in my head. Even though he’d made no attempt to follow us, he was a nightmare I sometimes still had.
“Anyway, Mom met Dad and they married. You know I love him. He’s the best dad anyone could want, so that sorted out my daddy issues. Mostly.” I laughed nervously. “The first time I saw a baby belly… it was in a sex shop. It was mostly as a joke for girls’-night parties and things, but I couldn’t stop looking at it. And it was in my skin tone, so it wouldn’t look weird on me. It was almost like fate. Iwantedit so bad, so I bought it. I laughed it off with the cashier, said it was for my sister.” Only, I didn’t have a sister. “Not that I think they would have cared. If you work in a sex shop, you see all kinds of stuff, right?”
“Yeah, you do,” he murmured, dragging me in closer.
I hooked my leg over his and sighed. “I took it home, got naked, and slipped it on. Ilovedit, Dare. I loved the weight of it, the feel. I even loved the thought that I was pregnant, that my imaginary boyfriend had fucked me so hard he’d impregnated me.” A thrill of lust swept through me and I shivered. I tried to pull away from him, but Dare tightened his grip on me, not letting me leave. “And that’s how it really began. I can’t explain why or how, but I knew what I liked. My belly became a comfort for me. Sometimes I like sleeping in it, but Ilovefucking myself with it on, and…. One day I want to find someone who’ll want to fuck me while I have it on, too. I want a Daddy.”
