Laken groaned and dropped his head to the table so hard I winced. “My ma is gonna kill me. She hasn’t heard about any of this.” He morosely waved a hand around.
“She’d have to get through a lot of guards to do it,” I snapped, not entirely comfortable with being his support. On the other hand, I was here, and no one else was gonna do it. I sighed and reached over to pat his shoulder.
“Hands to yourself, Gaffin! I’m not going to say it again!” a guard called from the back of the room, and I jerked my palm away.
Laken grumbled an affirmative and sat up.
I eyed the phone and shook my head. The only number I knew by heart was Angel’s. I wanted to talk to him. My hand shook as I lifted the handset to my ear. “Enter your Inmate Telephone Service account number or press two to make a collect call.”
This mechanical lady was pushy. My hand shook. I didn’t know what that first thing was, so I hit two, then followed the instructions to dial Angel’s number. I said my name when prompted. I waited and waited, and finally, “Your call was declined. Goodbye.”
Laken was happily jabbering to someone when I placed the handset in the cradle. I glanced at him and huffed out a long breath but didn’t go anywhere. I waited while he had a nice conversation, and I thought about all the ways I’d like to apologize to Angel.
But anything I had to say would never be enough. How could it be? I wanted to take back a lot of the awful shit I’d said and done. The image from the courtroom of the cast on his wrist was burned into my brain. The way I’d tried to scare him out of being with a man once or twice ate at me in a horrific way. But no good had ever come of it for me. I’d wanted to save him the pain. Rubbing my hands over my eyes, I sat there in the darkness of my own making. Someone touched my shoulder.
“Bad call?”
“Yeah. Didn’t want to talk to me.”
Laken looked about ready to bust with his thin pink lip drawn between his teeth and his brows furrowed.
“Your ma gonna take out a hit on you?”
“What? Oh.” He laughed. “She’s mad, no doubt, but she’s in Florida. There ain’t much she can do.” He shrugged. “She’s gonna send me some money for the commissary and stuff.”
I nodded and wondered vaguely who would be helping me out. No one. I could probably beg Drew to toss a few bucks in for soap and toothpaste, but that rankled. My gut sank. I would survive two months of smelling weird. It wasn’t like I’d been taking very good care of myself before this.
Laken was nice enough to wheel me to a bathroom and wait for me, which was humiliating, but he wouldn’t go, since I’d told him someone was after me. He tried to talk me into going back to class for the couple of hours this afternoon that Brandon had set aside for extra help on reading, but I kept telling him no. He went without me about two minutes before he would’ve been late.
My mood was firmly in the pits as I wheeled myself to the library and sat at a table, staring at it, not even pretending I was doing anything. No one bothered me, which was nice, and I made sure I stayed in sight of the guard near the door and the librarian, not that it would do me much good. Black’s men would only grab me once I was somewhere no one was watching. Cold fear slithered through me as memories of being on the floor of my cell with Black on top of me hammered at the front of my mind. I clutched the wheels of the chair hard and forced myself not to think about it.
The second I tore myself from the replay of Black’s hands on me, all I could think about was the shit I knew I’d done to Angel. I’d been drunk a lot. That cast hadn’t hidden the only pain I’d ever caused him. What the hell else was I forgetting I’d done? I sighed and curled in on myself, gut tight and roiling. Usually I needed a bottle of alcohol to kill these whirlpools of thought I got trapped in, but there wasn’t anything like that here. My chest tightened.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I snapped upright and stared into Drew’s brown eyes. Normally they were sweet and friendly, but right now they were snapping with fire. I gasped and clutched at his arm to anchor myself in the present and his lips softened just a touch.
“I went out of my way to keep you safe. Now you’re here alone?” He glanced at the man by the door, but when I followed Drew’s gaze, the guard who’d been there was gone. Maybe that wasn’t a permanent station for him?
I shuddered.
“What happened? Why did you skip out on Brandon? He’s worried.” Drew shoved back the bill of the cap he had on and studied me. I’d liked him better last night, soft and sweet as he’d cuddled me close.
“I didn’t ask him to be worried or you to help,” I snapped back. Guilt immediately washed over me when he scowled. “But thank you. I know I’m fucking up.” I shrugged.
As fast as Drew’s anger came on it seemed to fizzle out, and he went to a knee beside my chair. “Why are you here instead of safe in class?”
“My son hates me. And he should.”
Drew stared at me. Waiting. Maybe wanting more. But that shitty truth was all I had.
“Aren’t you going to tell me it can’t be that bad?” I drawled sarcastically.
Silence stretched between us, and after a bit he shook his head. “No, I’m sure it is, by the way you’re acting.”
“I was a drunk and a pillhead, and shit never got better. I ruined him,” I whispered.
Drew merely waited for me to keep talking and settled a friendly hand on my knee. “Do you want a hug, which will have to wait, a pep talk, or for me to listen?”
