“Fuck you,” I said without heat. “There’s not a single good fucking thing left in me anymore.”
He leaned down and teased his lips across mine, and I melted against him. For a long time he sucked kisses onto my lips. I licked at the tip of his tongue, and he growled, deepened the kiss—invaded. The feel of him fucking into my body had me heating up, even if it was only my mouth. I tried to slide down the bed and drag him on top of me, and he chuckled. With another lingering kiss to my lips, he brushed his hand through my hair and leaned back. I was cradled in his arms somehow, and as unusual as the position was, it was also damned comfortable.
“I don’t feel like you can really tell me yes in here.” For a few seconds his words didn’t make sense. And then he rocked against me and his hard-on nudged my hip. Electric need sizzled in my groin and danced on my cockhead. I moaned.
“You want… me to tell you yes?”
His eyes narrowed for a moment, and then he traced his pointer finger around my lips. “Absolutely. I want anenthusiasticyes from you whenever we do this, especially when we go further.”
“When?”
“When. Not now, though.”
He kissed me again. Some of the heat died down, maybe because we both knew this wasn’t going to end in an explosion, but I fell into the addicting sensation of demanding lips on mine and warm arms treating me like it mattered if I hurt or not.
He broke away and kissed my cheek. “I have to go in a few minutes.”
I nodded and hated the way I clung to his shoulders.
He knocked his forehead against mine, and we stared into each other. “Will you tell me about your time? I… I’ve never talked to anyone in depth about the AS, except Rowdy.”
Turning, I nuzzled into his neck before I found the courage to speak again. “I don’t know if I can. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t join. I was drafted.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Stop being nice.”
His laughter rocked us both. “No.”
Neither one of us wanted him to go, that much was obvious. His lips were back on mine even as he was crawling over me to hop off the other side of the bed. He stopped and drew the blankets up, smoothing them out, and then he leaned down to drop a kiss on my forehead that had warmth racing around in my stomach and skittering along my spine. “I’m going to try to get you into the medical dorms, even though they told me that wasn’t possible. Until then, I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe. When is your time up?”
“Two months.”
He let out a shaky breath and picked up his phone. “Okay. We can keep you in one piece for two months.”
He sounded damned hopeful, and it was contagious. I actually felt happy when he bent to give me one last, gentle kiss, all flicking tongue and soft sucks on my lips. As he left and the room was sunk into darkness, confusion and fear closed in around me. Memories of the AS pushed to the forefront of my mind. When was the last time someone wanted to keep me safe from the things that could hurt me? Could he even do that? The lock on the other side of the door clicked and my heart dropped out of my throat and back where it belonged.
If I had to trust someone to keep me safe from the devil, who better to do it than someone who knew him as well as I did?
7
Drew
Glancingat the dark window over the kitchen sink, I sighed. It was too fucking early for this shit, and I’d only had a few hours of sleep before Rowdy dragged my ass out of bed. The cheerful pink walls covered in stencils of gray kittens as a border near the ceiling didn’t improve my mood. The creak of uneasy shifting in the chair across the solid oak table from me focused my attention back to Zihan Hara. At only twenty-two, his cute round face gave me heartburn. How had he gotten tangled up in this type of mess already?
Of course, it was easier to snag impressionable people, and kids like Zihan were some of the easiest to prey on. Most folks who joined cults were between the ages of sixteen and thirty-two. There were outliers on the other end of life—I’d once talked to a woman in her fifties—but no matter who the person happened to be, there was always something missing from their life.
As a general rule, happy and fulfilled people didn’t get sucked into cults.
What hole in his heart was Zihan trying to fill? I contemplated him, and he nervously fluttered his fingers along the edge of the table, then tugged at the collar of his green cable-knit sweater. He let out a long breath, and his fingers skittered up to comb at his black hair while he flicked his hyperalert gaze between Rowdy and me. The way he twitched, anyone would have thought we were sitting in a room with a bomb.
“Thank you for coming, Mr. Greene and Mr. Rowdy.” Zihan’s sister, Hua, poured mugs of coffee at the wooden counter, then carried them over one by one to set them in front of us. She was comfy in pink sweats, and her long black hair was bed-ruffled. The hopeful look she gave me nearly broke my heart.
“ ’Course,” Rowdy said and smiled up at her as he took his coffee. “Maybe you could give us a minute or two? Guy talk, you know?” She sent Rowdy that same smile she’d hit me with, then nodded. She walked on soft feet toward the archway of the kitchen. I had the feeling she didn’t go far because she slid to the side of the doorway rather than trucking forward out into the living room, but it was good enough. Out of sight, out of Zihan’s mind.
“I know why you’re here,” Zihan blurted, rocketing to his feet. He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, forehead wrinkling. “I know Hua called you. And I know why. I love my sister, but she needs to stay out of this part of my life. Do you have sisters?” he asked and hunched toward me. The way he tugged at his sweater reminded me of a cat I’d seen once with a collar hooked in some bushes. He seemed like he was trying to get away from his entire being without actually moving. My heart gave a pang.
“One,” I murmured and warmed my hands around the coffee mug. My family was difficult to talk about with people I knew, let alone strangers. But, as usual, Rowdy had been right. For whatever reason, Zihan had focused on me more than him, and all we’d done was introduce ourselves. Was there something about me that just screamedfollower? I hated that idea. “She’s a pain in the butt, too,” I offered. “She always worried about me when she knew I was into stuff that wasn’t healthy for me. Sisters are like that. They care.”
