I froze and panic began to eat at me. Was he here to hurt me on Black’s orders? Had I fucked up and trusted the wrong person again? I tried to pull my hand away, but he shushed me and pressed another one of those gentle kisses to my knuckles.
“You do know who he is,” he murmured, then cleared his throat. His eyes glittered in the glow of the flashlight, and they were both pleading and frightening as my pulse climbed and battered at the back of my throat. “I became a different person when I was under the influence of his organization. I did some awful things. One of the worst… I slapped my sister for asking if I liked men when she found my porn stash. Acted all offended. It was… stupid and mean.”
He rested his chin on our joined hands, and I recognized that thousand-yard stare from the mirror. “I hurt her. Chipped her tooth because she fell against my nightstand. I paid to have a cap put on, but I had to live with that. She never talked to me again. Not really. And that’s her right.” He glanced at me, and all I could do was nod as a sinking feeling hit my gut. There was regret written across his face. “I had ideas about the world that were twisted and wrong, puffed up with my own self-importance, and the men around Tatum were strong. To the kid I was then, they seemed like they had everything figured out.”
Recoiling a little, I tugged at my hand, and he let it go. I wanted to run away, but I was trapped. “You were in the AS?”
Drew sat there with his hands in the air, stunned into stillness by something I’d said or done. He sat up straight and dropped his chin toward his chest. “It’s not something I tell just anyone. I was in it for over a year before I saw anything questionable. Before Black murdered a woman in front of me and my squad. My friend… he finally had enough. He, fuck, I shouldn’t tell you this.” Drew bit his lip, but I’d eased back toward him and groped for his hand. He gave me a smile and entwined his fingers together with mine. “My friend tipped off the police about some things Black had done. Then… we hid. We were scared. He didn’t go down for the murder.”
“Your friend was stupid. Brave, though,” I mumbled. “Why are you telling me this, if you don’t talk about it?”
He brought my wrist up and rested his lips against it, and I wanted to sink into the feeling and forget this terrible fucking conversation, but my heart rattled in my chest, and shivers had my back hurting. “The AS is the only way I can figure you knew him. Black, that is. Did you get out? Wake up?” He looked pained. “If you still believe all the… the dogma, I’d like to talk to you. Help you see that it isn’t right.”
I closed my eyes and fought down a hysterical laugh.
“I wasn’t the brave one.” The desperation in his words had me rattled into looking at him again. “But I try to make up for my willful ignorance. My… my fucking self-righteous meanness. Back in the day, I told anyone who would listen that the AS was just a bunch of good old boys blowing off steam. Hell, my first decent job came from an AS member.” He shook his head and gave me a self-deprecating smile. “Stupid, right?”
My vision went watery and I struggled against it. “And then you found out how things really were.” I couldn’t help but feel a bit better. He wasn’t one of Tatum’s lapdogs. “What was your friend’s name?”
“For his safety and mine, I don’t think I can tell you that… yet.” He shrugged. “I’m sure you understand why.”
“I’m trusting you,” I hissed out.
He nodded carefully. “He’d probably tell you this himself if he was here. Okay, fine. Tom Rowdy.”
Stunned, I blinked at him. I hadn’t heard the name Rowdy in forever. “Oh, he knew how Tatum Black was from the beginning.” I glanced away. Another violent shiver had him running a hand along my arm.
“How do you know?” He sounded shocked, and I didn’t like that. I squeezed my fingers on his.
“We were inducted the same night.” A tremble went through my body, and the hand that wasn’t attached to Drew shook on the bed beside me. “I don’t think I can talk about this.” Tears spilled from my eyes and I hated it. I sniffed and wiped the dampness away with the back of my hand, but as fast as it was gone, more scalded down my cheeks.
“Can I?” He moved his hands to my shoulders.
I wasn’t sure what he was asking, but I nodded anyway. The next thing I knew, he was on the bed with me. He climbed over me, between the wall and my right side, and carefully eased his arms around me. I slid down against his chest and inhaled his light, manly musk, tinged with what lingered of a crisp cologne. Strong arms held me tight. A fleeting worry of what might happen to him if someone came to check on me pinged around in my thick skull, but this felt too good to stop. The happy hum that rumbled under my ear where I was pressed against his front made me think we were on the same page.
“Why does Black have it out for you? Did he have an interest in you while you were in the AS?”
A sob tore free from my throat, and I nodded. “I can’t. I can’t right now. He’s here and….” I shook my head.
Drew held me tighter. His thick arms were so fucking amazing, and as bad as I felt, I wallowed in the feeling of their strength around me. “You joined on purpose?” I choked out.
“It was not my finest hour. I’ve been making up for it any way I can ever since.”
For a long while I trembled against him, but he didn’t make fun of me about it. He held me close, and even ran a gentle hand along my side. He nuzzled his lips against my temple. After a while, it sank in that he wasn’t hurting me and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave, either. I shuddered and leaned my weight against him. “I’ve been hiding from Tatum for half my life, and now he found me.”
He pressed a kiss to my hair. “Why were you hiding?”
Shaking my head, I turned and buried my face against his neck. It was warm and his skin was soft against my cheeks, except for a light scrape of stubble that I loved.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t be doing this right now,” he murmured, but he didn’t let go, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it if he did. I felt like I was ready to shake apart.
“I see good in you,” he whispered in my ear.
“You don’t fucking know me.” I clutched at his shirt, not sure if I wanted to push him away or drag him closer—as impossible as that would have been. “You’re seeing what you want to see.”
“Maybe. You wanna show it to me? The good parts? That means it’s in there.”
My stomach went into freefall, and I shoved back to stare up at his face. My back hurt from the fast way I shifted, but I had to see him. The corner of his mouth curled upward.
