But it didn’t matter.
I covered my face with a hand when the divider between the front and back lowered and Levi glanced in the rearview mirror. Lemonade lifted her head from her paws on the floor. “We’re ten outside of New Gothenburg, sir. Where to?”
“The Courtesan,” Brooks said.
My gut roiled. He’d mentioned his house, but we weren’t going there. I had well and truly made him angry and gotten my way.
I reached across the seat but drew my hand back before I could touch him. It was for the best. I’d told him I had to go home. I tried to think of something to say or a way to ask if he was satisfied now. Did he realize this wouldn’t ever be able to happen? Before I knew it we’d arrived at the Courtesan, and my chest squeezed as we pulled up adjacent to the front door. I glanced at Brooks and his jaw was still hard enough to crack rocks. This had all ended too soon. Even if we couldn’t be together, I hadn’t actually wanted him to hate me.
He opened his door.
“What are you doing?”
He stopped and turned to purse his lips in my direction. “Walking you in.”
“Aren’t you mad at me?” I didn’t even care that Levi’s gaze shot to me in the rearview mirror.
Brooks sighed. “I’m more upset at myself. The last thing I wanted to do was stress you. You need someone to take care of you.”
Fury zapped me like a righteous lightning bolt from on high. “No, I don’t,” I hissed out, and carefully stepped over Lemonade to almost fall out of that side of the car. I wanted to slam the door behind myself but carefully closed it so I wouldn’t hurt her. I spun and shot up the front steps to the door and rushed inside, head tall. I strode to the front desk where Romeo was painfully out of his element as he stood talking to one of our usual caterers, who had a large box in her hands that was likely a cake. I barely had time to be disgusted at the less than perfect state of the hotel.
“Romeo, escort her to the ballroom,” I called to him. He whirled around and gave me such a large smile that anyone watching would have thought I’d offered to lend him one of my more important organs. Sheila Hobson, a perky brunette with apple cheeks and a pleasantly rounded middle, laughed as she followed after him to the small elevator tucked to the left of the grand staircase. Fen spotted me from the bar, and after he handed out one last drink, he made his way determinedly across the lobby toward me. I sighed, and the weight of this hotel and it’s never-ending demands all dropped on my head at once. Barely through the door and I was right back to work.
Why the fuck had I been in such a rush to get here? My heart squeezed. Longing to be back with Brooks, even though I’d been so sure I wanted to be home to deal with any issues, smacked me. It was difficult to take a deep breath and fill myself with air the way the yoga instructor had told us to do today. Did I ever actually breathe properly here? I caught Levi out of the corner of my eye unceremoniously dumping my luggage on the floor. I snapped my fingers at one of the men by the door and jerked my head in the direction of the stairs. He would know to take the bags to my suite—I hoped.
Fen grasped my wrist and widened his deep brown eyes at me. “Darcy, we’re out of whiskey.”
“I thought this was sorted out!”
He winced. “I don’t know what’s going on. I think our supplier lost their delivery driver.”
I growled and nodded. “I’ll get someone out to the store.” Fen was only the first of a steady rush of people, both clients and workers, who demanded my attention. I never even got up to my room to change into a suit, and before I knew it, the time had slipped away from me, and it was past two o’clock in the morning. My eyes burned with the need for sleep. I managed to steal away after dealing with a client who wanted to add an extra man to her night, thankfully Everest agreed, and then I was able to slink to my suite. It was dark inside, and I remembered Mother had actually taken a client, but the lack of light fit my mood.
When I got into my bedroom, I was overwhelmed to see the spot where I’d first been with Brooks. I went over and dropped onto the white comforter, staring at the floor. He’d been inside me this afternoon. My body ached with the memory of him. He’d treated me like I was royalty. He’d tied me up, spanked my ass, and taken every decision away from me for a brief time.
And it had been wonderful. I wriggled my toes, then kicked off my shoes.
All I could do was feel and exist in the moment with him while he had me tied up and blindfolded.
I hung my head. I’d only ever imagined, in the most distant way, having a man do everything for me the way he had today. He truly had taken care of me, even though I’d complained about it from the first second all the way to the last. The bed reminded me of the way Brooks kept insisting I deserved someone to take care of me, do things for me. No one else had ever said those kinds of things. I slid off the bed until my tender ass bumped on the floor and rested my head back on the mattress.
My room was missing something. I’d felt so safe and secure earlier with Brooks. Hot—too hot for words, and overwhelmed, but I hadn’t worried about anything. My breath caught.
I’d wanted to come home so much that my belly was miserable with the need after I’d talked to Romeo. Why did it suck now?
A pillow was half hanging off the edge of the bed. I tugged it down and rested it on my knees, bent forward, and buried my face in it. The dark reminded me of what Brooks had done to me—the blindfold. I shuddered and sniffled and let a few tears fall.
I’d wanted something, anything, to change. I’d needed a ray of hope that I might be able to have something for myself in my life. And when something had finally happened, I’d fought like hell to get right back here, alone. Why did I do that? What was wrong with me? I’d never felt so fucking miserable in my life.
Sometime later the door opened, and there was a gasp. “Darcy, what’s wrong?”
Mother sat down on the floor at my side in a cloud of sweet perfume she didn’t normally wear. She must have chosen the scent for her client. Usually she went for something more subtle. Her soft arms wrapped around me. I wanted to at least tell her hello, but I couldn’t catch a breath, and the fucking tears wouldn’t stop gushing out of my eyes. The pillow I was pressed against was soaked.
“Everyone would laugh to see this, huh?” I finally gasped out as I lifted my face, and she raised my chin with a finger. “The Ice Prince, as miserable as he makes everyone else.”
“What happened?” she asked, and a coolness settled over her features. She wasn’t so different from me, not at all, she just hid it better.
“Nothing.” I shrugged out of her hold. “I’m going to bed.” But when I glanced up it seemed too far away, which was stupid, since I was sitting right beside it.
But I didn’t move, and neither did she. She drew my head down to her chest and held me, and I let out an embarrassing sob as the tears kept coming. I’d missed home while I was gone, and now I missed Brooks.
“He told me he was going to take care of you,” she said softly. “Man like that, who came from nothing and has money now, I thought he’d understand you, sugar. I thought he’d know how to take care of you.”
I buried my face in the pillow again as another rush of awful emotions hit me. I’d never felt this way and I hated it… but I didn’t hate Brooks. Just the opposite. I wished I hadn’t made him bring me home.
