“Yeah.” He hooked a thumb toward the men coming back through the front door. “It’s covered.”
How ungrateful was I if I left while they worked? I should at least try to help. In the end, I kept getting in the way of the men who were doing their job. Merit was nice enough and didn’t make me feel bad for how Casey and I had fought in front of him, but awkwardness still swelled my tongue in my mouth. I played with my tongue piercing, biting at it, and stood near Merit for a while. With my hand in a cast there wasn’t much I could do.
I left.
At the bus stop, I stared at my ruined cast. I kept glancing back in the direction of Dad’s house until the bus came. The old man who I sort of knew was driving again, and he gave me a wide smile that made me feel a bit better.
“Where you off to, son?”
“Downtown.”
He huffed out a gusty laugh. “Hop on board.”
I took the seat up front and had to switch busses twice to get to the office. The idea of going back to my apartment sucked. I’d had a bit to think, and while Casey had never done anything to worry me at his house, he’d sure as hell confused me last night. The office seemed safe. He’d yelled at me there, too, but with people around it didn’t worry me as much. I wanted to talk to him where he wouldn’t be able to hurt me… maybe. Was I actually concerned he’d hit me? Casey wouldn’t hurt me. When he was my Casey bear I felt so safe.
I wanted my Big Brother.
Confusion ate at me and messed with my mind. He wasn’talwaysmy Casey bear.
But I felt protected in his arms. It was when hedidn’thold me that I got scared. If he’d held me last night instead of yelling, I would have been fine.
Inside the office building, I did a good job of pretending to be invisible and went to the elevators. One of the ladies from HR in a plum suit-type dress caught my eye after I pushed the Call button. I couldn’t remember her name, but she was always kind of snooty to me. Her hair was shellacked in place so well that it didn’t move as she swiveled her head in my direction.
“You are inappropriately dressed for the workplace,” she snapped. I cringed and ignored her, jabbing the Call button a second and then third time. She didn’t stop me, simply notched her hands on her hips and stared. The golden elevator doors finally opened, and I jumped into the car, but they didn’t slide closed fast enough. I let out a breath of relief as the world was shut out and I rode upward.
When the doors opened on Casey’s floor, I was surprised to find Raven wasn’t here. The room smelled piney and lemony, as if maybe someone had recently sprayed down all the glass blocks on the wall behind the curved desk to clean them. Everything in the room gleamed with perfection. I crept around until I could see Casey through the glass on the top half of the wall. He was in his office hard at work.
I wanted to go to him.
My feet wouldn’t move.
My body shook and my wrist hurt. I realized I had my fingers clenched on my bad hand and tried to force myself to relax and stop the pain, but couldn’t. I watched Casey poke at his keyboard with one finger, and he lowered his dark eyebrows until it seemed like the computer had offended him. He didn’t look like himself. Nothing much was different about him. If I had to guess, he hadn’t shaved this morning, yet something was off.
He looked like my Casey bear and not the asshole who’d yelled last night with his neck muscles bulging and spit flying. My vision went all shiny and starry, and I swiped at a bunch of stupid tears that wouldn’t stop. I edged toward the door to his inner office and stood there for a few seconds before I worked up the nerve to whisper, “Big Brother.”
My heart jumped as Casey whipped his head around in my direction. He stood, and I stumbled back a step at the awful expression that twisted his features, caught somewhere between a snarl and a grimace.
“Are you afraid of me now?”
“I’m more scared that the man who’s been so nice to me is gone. Not… not scared to be hurt by you.” I made myself go into the office with him.
“Gone?” He stepped toward me, and I trembled. For a while we stared at each other and eventually his eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned down in the corners. “I’m right here.”
“Did I make Casey bear go away because I broke your rules?”Pretend he can’t see you.I closed my eyes, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to keep talking. “I like everything we’ve been doing. I don’t want it to be gone. I didn’t want to go deal with that stuff at Dad’s last night. I don’t want to make my problems your problems. I don’t know what I should do.Ever.” I wiped at my eyes with the heel of my hand. “I don’t want you to just… hate me now.”
“Shit, is that what you’ve been thinking?” Casey’s voice was closer. Softer. Nicer.
I shrugged. “You were yelling and yelling, and I couldn’tsayanything. You wouldn’t listen.”
“Look at me.” I cracked my eyes open. Casey was a breath away. He clenched and unclenched his hands. “I couldn’t stop. I was just so fucking worried about you. You kept telling me you didn’t want me to fix it. I’m sorry.”
I closed my eyes as a rush of warmth from his simple apology washed over me. Sickness rapidly replaced my relief. “Did I mess it all up? Is my Big Brother gone now? Do you still want to do that with me?” Never in my life had I needed something as much as I needed to still be his little brother, his… boyfriend?
Casey closed the distance between us. I stumbled backward, but his arms wrapped around me in a gentle hug that smooshed us together. I sagged in his embrace and burrowed against his warmth. I pulled in deep whiffs of his scent and buried my face against his shirt.
“I’m right here, cutie. It would take a hell of a lot more than that to chase me off.” He dropped a kiss on top of my head.
“You scared me,” I mumbled against his chest.
