JP
Exhaustion cranked up the intensity on the headache settling in somewhere behind my eyeballs as I massaged my temples and stared at the kitchen table. How had things gone to hell when he’d howled like a wolf while he came on my cock? I’d never been with someone so responsive… and I’dbrokenhim.
“I’m sorry it took us so long to get here.” Vic leaned against the counter by the sink, but my head was beginning to feel like a gremlin was ripping it apart from the inside. I didn’t turn to look at him but nodded.
“You didn’t have to come at all. I’m in your debt.”
The light over the sink wasn’t exceptionally bright, yet somehow it managed to jab at my vision like daggers. I rubbed the heels of my palms over my eyes until it felt like I was pushing them back into my skull, and still the pain sliced at me.
Boots thudded loudly on the floor as Vic walked to the table, and then came the skull-shattering noise of the chair he pulled out and dragged beside me. I flinched as his knee knocked against mine and the chair creaked a tad with his weight as he settled onto it.
Light hands knocked mine down from my eyes and Vic took over. He massaged my head gently along the sides until I stared into his concerned gaze. “How you doin’?”
“Don’t. Don’t talk to me like I’m some scared sub,” I murmured, though I didn’t exactly chase him away. I couldn’t. The gentle contact was exactly what I needed… what I’d wanted from Max. My stomach clenched. He’d been so angry.
“I’m being nice here, Jean-Paul. Don’t you want that? You deserve it as much as the next person.Are you okay?”
Wearily, I shrugged. “No. I’ve never had anyone drop that way. And knowing it was a drop didn’t make it easier to handle. He was out of it for hours. Not really all home. I thought he was just tired, but now I’m not sure that was it. When he came back to himself, he was so furious. He barely understood what was going on. He looked… drugged, for lack of a better word. I was worried he would try to leave. That’s why I wanted you here, so he would have a safe place to go if he decided he couldn’t… couldn’t stay.” Vic’s touch softened and he removed his hands from me.
He tilted his head and gave me an encouraging smile. “You wanted someone else to calm him down if you couldn’t? That shows caring. Thoughtfulness. I know you’re feeling like you fucked up right now, but you did what a lot of men would be too embarrassed to do and called someone for help. That’s guts.” He puffed up his chest and grinned, but I didn’t have it in me to really chuckle at him, only wheezed out an amused noise.
“I don’t know about all that. I was scared for him. If he chose to leave, I wanted him somewhere safe. With someone who knew what the fuck was going on and wouldn’t take advantage of him.” I narrowed my eyes on Vic and tried to tell myself it was because my head chose that moment to give another vicious throb. I closed my eyes against a surge inside me, anxious and unpleasant. My heart clamored in my ears and fluttered with such strength in my throat that it was like a small, trapped animal hid in there.
Strong arms wrapped around me, and I jostled Vic, but he didn’t let go. We’d never been particularly close friends, though we’d known each other for a while; however, he was acting like a real hero tonight. Had Max made such an impression on Vic while he lived there that Vic thought better of me now? I was both uncomfortable and grateful.
“Stop this bullshit. You did nothing wrong. You’ve told me twice what happened, and I can’t think of a single thing I’d have done differently myself, except maybe you shouldn’t play hard after a psych meeting.”
“No shit. And you can’t order me to do anything. I’ll feel like a guilty asshole if I want to,” I grumbled.
Vic’s laugh rumbled through me because he still had me clasped tight to his chest. “He’s going to be fine. It’s okay if you were scared, Jean-Paul. I sure don’t think less of you for that.”
The comforting smells of my house—wood polish, coffee lingering from the pot I’d made earlier, dish soap—all combined to make me strangely miss Max, even though he was only in the other room. I’d never wanted him with me more in my life. I shoved feebly at Vic, and still, he held on tight. He patted my back, and I growled. That only got me another huff of laughter.
“I’ve just never had this happen quite this way. I… what if it happens every time? Is it even worth it to play so hard? I don’t want to cause him more pain than I give him pleasure.” The idea of not playing to the limits with Max had my stomach shrinking into a stone. I would keep him safe. I would do what was right.
Vic grunted. “Probably won’t? You’ll have to be careful. Feel it out. You were in the thick of things tonight. Give yourself time to sleep on it.”
“What if he’s done? What if I scared him away from playing? From me?” The real terror I’d been trying to tamp down clawed at my throat, and that rabid animal trapped in there tried to escape from my body. My breath hitched and I couldn’t snag it back. I sucked air.
Vic dropped his arms from me and sat back. He thudded a hand to my chest. “Breathe. Now.” I nodded, and we sat that way for a few minutes. Vic finally smiled at me after a bit. “At the club when you were there with him? He centered on you. Your boy was lost at my house. Safe, but adrift. When you came to help him pick up his things, you were all he watched, the only one he looked to for guidance. No way he’s done. But I’m not the person you need to talk to about this.” His mouth twisted into a crooked grin.
“I know.”
Vic grasped my shoulders and kneaded. The pain there shocked me. How tightly had I been holding myself while I waited for Vic to show up?
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“He’s going to be fine. It’s okay if you were scared. People struggle to be rational, but we’re all driven by passions and hungers, and none of us really are any better than the worst of those base urges that drive us.”
With a shiver I turned away to rest my elbows on the table and dropped my face in my hands again. “I don’t want to hurt him in any way that lasts. If it takes longer than two days to heal, I’ve fucked up.”
Vic rested a hand on the back of my neck and rubbed, and I wanted to say something else scathing about him treating me like I was a sub, but his fingers were golden magic, and the way his firm massage unclenched some of my muscles was too good. I let out a sigh and lifted my head a little until I was meeting his gaze again.
Vic lowered his chin until he was level with me where I was hunched forward. “Dom drop is real, too. People don’t talk about it much. You just spent a long time riding a sex high, and then on top of that worried about Maxie for a couple of hours afterward. It’s okay to need help. If he’s always like this, you’re going to have to set up something responsible to take care of yourself. Maybe have a friend who will swing by to put you back together.”
“Who gives a shit about me?He’smy responsibility. I have to be here for him. Ican’tfall apart.”
Vic nodded. “And it might not be like this most times. That’s why I came. Right now you can do whatever you need to because he’ll be just fine. Do you need anything?”
