“Fuck.” JP grunted again, stilled, and I knew it was all over. To my surprise I wished he was bare, that I could feel his hot release inside me. It was an odd desire—wanting his cum—that made me slightly uncomfortable the longer I thought about it, but still… it lingered. In the months I’d worked with him, I’d grown to know him, though. He wouldn’t have gone condomless unless we were both tested.
JP pulled himself out, slid off the rubber, and threw it into the trash can next to the bed before he left the room to get a wet cloth, I assumed. When he came back, he tentatively cleaned me up. I watched him, unable to look away or tell him I’d need a shower to be satisfied. He really did like caring for people. That’s what I wanted in a man.
“How was it?” he asked when he was done cleaning me.
I cleared my throat, that familiar heat back in my cheeks as I sat up. Smiling, I nodded awkwardly. “Fine. Great. Thanks.”
“Wait—”
I was already on my feet and striding out of the room before he could say anything else. Shame made me wince as I closed the door to the guest room. I was too embarrassed to stay with JP because I knew myself too well. I’d beg him to have a relationship with me, to rethink his position, and I couldn’t do that. This job was important to me, to my family. For all the good the little bit of success I’d had did with them, I couldn’t imagine the hell if I lost it.
He’d said I could stay at his house, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, either. Maybe it was time I looked for an apartment. I hated the thought of needing a roommate, the thought of how filthy other people could be, and in my fantasy world, JP would walk through that door and tell me he wanted me. We’d have sex again and again until I was sore but still wanted more. Then I’d top him.
That didn’t happen. He didn’t come into my room to confess his secret need for me. The door stayed very closed.
I fell on the bed face-first and thumped it with my fist. I’d off-loaded my virginity, I should have felt good about it, but instead I hated myself for not having more confidence to tell JP I thought we could make this work. Instead I lay here like the loser I was. Mom always said I didn’t have the drive to go for what I wanted, and she was right.
And besides, he didn’t trust me.
A lump formed in my throat, and I punched the bed over and over again until my fist was sore. Fuck him and his stupid morals. Mr. Elwood didn’t care about sleeping with an employee, why did JP? I knew why, of course. He wasn’t as fucked-up as Mr. Elwood.
Finding a place wouldn’t be easy. It would take time, and until I found something, I was stuck here. I’d need to be strong, push past these stupid teenage-crush feelings. That’s all they were. Childish infatuation with the first guy to truly pay attention to me. Come Friday, I’d have another man interested in being my Daddy.
With that thought, I decided to start looking for apartments tomorrow. We’d go back to work and act like he hadn’t taken my virginity, and I’d pretend these emotions didn’t exist, and I’d move on from him.
Simple.
9
JP
Oranges that I’d sliced in two were piled on a navy blue plate beside me on the counter, and water droplets on the rinds glistened in the bright light shining over the sink. I ground the orange half in my hand onto the top of an antique glass reamer that fit in a green glass carafe I’d bought specifically to go with everything else in the Victorian.
Because that’s the type of person I was—detail-oriented. Deep inside I empathized with that finicky urge that had driven Max to get up in the middle of the night, come downstairs—when, I didn’t know, since I felt like I’d lain awake for most of it—and rearrange everything in my pantry. Not only were all the boxes sorted by size, color, and contents, they were in alphabetical order where possible. It had taken me a few minutes to work his organizational parameters out while I stood there first thing with a box of pancake mix in my hand, staring stupid and coffeeless, trying to decide what the order could possibly be. His choices were a bizarre puzzle, and I was satisfied when I unraveled the riddle and knew I wouldn’t need to ask him how I would have to place things to keep this tic of his from acting up. Or at least I wouldn’t need to ask him where I should putnewthings, though a little discussion about his wanton reorganization of my entire house was in our future. I didn’t hate it, but I wanted to be prepared.
He could at least let me know what was bothering him.
Outside, the morning was dark and cold, and small puffs of snow from the roof swirled in front of the window behind the sink, which made the house seem even more comfortable by comparison, and soured me on the idea of getting into my Rover to drive into New Gothenburg. The bright tang of citrus bit my nose as I worked, wonderful on the chilly winter morning, but I couldn’t appreciate it. While I’d spent most of the night lying awake, I’d mentally turned over the idiocy that had overtaken me. Unfortunately there was even less rhyme and reason to my stupidity than there was to Max’s arrangement of the pantry.
I’d enjoyed Max far too much, and hadn’t really wanted him to go back to his own room when I pulled my cock from his tight body, though at leasthe’dhad the common sense to go. What had I been thinking? Part of me had hoped he’d beg to stay. There was no way this could end well. I couldn’t have him in my bed again.
What a clusterfuck.I gave the orange half one last squeeze and tossed it into the garbage can beside me with a grunt before I picked up another one and ground it on the top of the reamer. The pulp gathered and plugged the holes as the juice splashed down into the glass carafe below.
Anger thudded through me, coiling slowly, the same rage I’d had last night when Max was on the phone with Vic. From the beginning I’d known better than to let myself become entangled with Max, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d been steadily working my way into the position of Max’s… not his Daddy, exactly, but definitely his Sir. My slow slide into a Dom position with him had started the first week he’d received his illustrious self-promotion to our office.
And now I wanted to be his Daddy—and I couldn’t.
There was no way it would work out.
I tossed the orange half after the last of the pulp was destroyed on the reamer and grabbed another one. As I slammed the fresh fruit onto the juicer, an acidic drop splashed my eye, and I hissed at the pain but didn’t do anything except stand there while my eye teared, then continued on. The pain seemed a justifiable punishment for my stupidity. Bacon and pancakes warmed in the oven because I’d been up since 5:00 a.m., unable to stay in bed any longer.
After the orange juice was squeezed, and I berated myself as an idiot for doing that, too—even though the Vitamin C would do Max good with all the crap going around the offices at city hall—I went upstairs and tapped on Max’s door until I got a vague “I’m awake” in response. I thought about going in there and making sure he really was blinking those deep brown eyes of his open, but that would require me to be close to his sleep-rumpled warmth, and I’d just want to get right under the blankets beside him.
Which I shouldn’t.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t have sex with him again. He’d probably welcome me if I went in there—roll onto his back or belly and let me slide into his sweet ass while he made those delicious sounds I’d fucked out of him last night. But what would that get either of us? I was able to control myself. That wasn’t an issue. To be a Daddy, I had to have control of my own body. But the fact I didn’t want to hold back had me on edge.
I headed downstairs, my open robe flapping against my legs, and trailed my hand along the smooth bannister, still lost in thought. Max’s shyness last night had gotten me. He’d been so adorably embarrassed over the entire process of getting ready for sex. With someone else I might have chanced it and just taken him to bed, but IknewMax already. He’d want everything as clean as possible. There was no way I’d wanted to turn his first experience into a bad one when a little patience would make everything better.
