For once in my life I felt a little dirty, standing here in his nice living room. My stomach flipped as I caught sight of his dead husband’s photograph still on the mantelpiece. My heart hammered. Was I going to hell if a dead man watched me fuck his husband? The thought spun out and careened into the abyss of growing humiliation that boiled up and washed through my body in a scalding wave, which left me confused as to whether I was turned on or wanted to die.
“You were fast enough to bust a nut rubbing on my ass last week,” I said, making sure the words sounded as nasty as possible.
“Not that. Sex I get. I’ve fucked my fair share.Respect.You give it to anyone, anywhere, who you play these games with, yet you want to hold it back from me.” He leaned forward, and I ducked my head before he could touch his lips to mine.
My heart raced wildly. “No, I don’t,” I whispered.
“What? I’ve seen it. I saw how you acted at Triple X. Saw how you acted all soft toward Vic.”
Snorting, I met his gaze again. “That’s not respect, that’s the price of admission. I have to play the role to get what I want. I would fucking love to have someone….”
“Tell me,” he growled.
That humiliation was at a boiling point and was going to drown me, but he only glowered. Finally, I freaked the fuck out. My heart thudded so fast my head spun, and I grabbed at his shoulders.
“The last time I gave a man control of me that way, he didn’t keep his end of the deal,” I muttered miserably. “I gave it my everything. I did things I would have never done in a million fucking years for anyone else. Said things. Promised things. In public… I wasn’t shy before, but he liked that.” I ripped my chin away from Jayce’s grip and stumbled back a step, smoothing down the lapels on my suit coat. The familiar cloth grounded me a little and I was able to draw a real breath and feel less like I was dying.
“You think I’m the same way?” He actually had the balls to sound hurt.
“It doesn’t matter.” I pointed at the picture of his husband that was still out, and he blanched for a moment but quickly swung his attention back on me. “We barely know each other. If you just want to cuff me and fuck me over the couch or something, I’m fine with it. Let’s just get this over with.” I shrugged out of my suit coat and let it fall to the floor.
He stood there and crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw ticking as he watched me. Embarrassment and a bizarre desire to fuck with him until he hurt me for real tangled in me. I wanted this to be more than it was so badly. I wanted that gleam in his eyes to mean something, and I wanted the way he watched me as I unbuttoned my shirt to be more than lust. My strip tease didn’t have much finesse. I flung my shirt, kicked off my shoes, scuffing the five-hundred-dollar leather in the process. I peeled off my socks and then dropped my trousers and slipped my boxer briefs off, all at the same time. I stood there naked and spread my arms wide.
“Here. Is it what you expected?” I spat at him. Anger had a hold of me and I wasn’t sure why or when that had happened. “Is this what you think you want? Trust me, it’s not.”
“On your knees,” he said, and his tone was cold.
My stomach dropped until it felt like it hit the center of the earth. I’d managed to do it, to piss him off, and now that he sounded that way, like he maybe hated me a little and was upset too, I regretted what I’d done. The feeling was swift, and I had no way of knowing how to repair my mistake, and that had me trembling in a whole new way. I was stuck now, on this track I’d picked, with no way off.
“Yes, Sir,” I whispered and went to the floor. I rested my hands on my knees, and when I glanced up his body, I was disappointed to see he wasn’t pulling his cock out to feed it to me. Of course he wasn’t. I’d just acted like an asshole. I drew in a sharp breath.
“You presume a lot. Do you know that? The rest of the world may be your windup toy, but I’m not.” He walked out of the room, his boots loud in the hallway, and I curled in on myself. “Don’t move,” he barked loud enough to be heard where I was, and I flinched and nodded even though he couldn’t see me. My anxiety only twisted higher while he was gone.What would he bring back with him? How bad would it hurt?I thought about throwing myself to the floor and begging, but that didn’t seem smart. Not after everything I’d said. I’d worked hard to make him mad at me, maybe hate me, and we would be done with this tonight now, one way or another.
He was back in no time at all, and he tossed something on the couch that I couldn’t quite see from where I was hunched in on myself. I didn’t have the nerve to sit up and look, either.
“I’m taking your glasses. That okay?” He stopped in front of me again.
Flinching, I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“Limits?”
“Now you’re asking about them?” I grumped as he lifted my glasses from my face. I didn’t like that much, not knowing where they were going. I let out a long breath when he set them carefully on the end table underneath the lamp.
“Yes. And you’ll answer.”
I shrugged. “Do whatever you want with me.”
“You’re not going to tell me a single thing you won’t let me do to you?” He sounded wary and maybe a little disappointed in me, and that had me feeling stupid and small, something I hated.
“I’m not sure you’d have the ingenuity to land on anything worth mentioning,” I said and finally looked up at him. I couldn’t see him very well, but I smirked in his general blurry direction. “Why give you ideas you’re not capable of coming up with on your own, Sir?”
He studied me and held up a simple black blindfold. Even half blind I could tell what it was. I snorted. “Yeah, sure. Were you reading tales of ribaldry to jerk off to last night? This exoticblindfoldidea the best you can do?”
He didn’t say anything at all, didn’t scowl, didn’t flinch. I half expected him to kick me or hit me or a thousand other painful things, but he only waited.
“What?”
“Are you finished?”
