River
“Paxton—”
“Jayce,” he corrected as he held the front door of his ridiculously cozy house open to invite me inside. It had been a long time since I’d been under the control of someone who actually sorta kinda knew me.
I took a deep breath and smiled at him as I passed over the threshold. My stomach did a stupid little fluttery barrel roll that it had no business getting itself worked up into. My body was already getting confused. This wasn’t my Sir. Jayce was a guy pretending to be a Dom.
The relief from the cool night air had me relaxing a little all on its own, and I let out a long breath. Jayce clomped inside behind me and closed the door. The lock sounded loud in the room. Hair on my arms stood on end and I held my breath. The house wasn’t truly dark. I walked down the short hallway into the living room, and in the corner a nightlight burned. Jayce easily slid around me to a lamp that he flipped on, and I took in the familiar space. Couch. The detritus of a simple, sweet life.
Fuck, I don’t belong here. Goddamn it.
If he wanted to play with me, I was done moderating. He’d either take me as I am, or not at all.
“Sir,” I said, brash and too loud. He stilled and turned on his heel toward me, his eyebrows dancing high. “I wanted to say, I’ve been… fuck. I’m nowhere near sure about my status. Anything you do with me should be wrapped up or is at your own risk.” I shrugged. “I got stabbed by a needle. I tested negative once.”
He let out a long breath. His blue eyes were a trap. I stared, and he stared right back, and pretty soon my face was hot and I couldn’t look away. “It’s obviously weighing on your mind. You can talk to a doc. Maybe even a shrink. You’re likely fine. Shite like this happens on the force. People get all sorts of injuries. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not overly worried.”
“I do have work, you know. I can’t waste time on quacks.”
“We’ll both find the time to go. I mean, if we intend to do this—” He pointed a finger at himself and then me, like I was too dumb to catch his drift otherwise. “—might as well go together.” His smile was kind, so maybe I was just being a prickly asshole, but that wasn’t anything new. He was good, I wasn’t. What was I doing here? I felt myself going into a tailspin and couldn’t pull out of the dive. I was about to smash into the ground at Mach one.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here,” I mumbled. “You’re not going totameme.” My voice grew louder even though I didn’t want to yell at him. “Or whatever naïve fresh-faced Dom fantasy you have going on under that thick skull. I’m not the cute little twinkie brat sub who likes to stick his ass out and giggles when it’s popped with a padded paddle. That’s not me, Sir, and if you think it is, you’re already fucking up. This is me. It doesn’t get better than this. There’s nothing you can do to turn me into someone….” I shook my head, no longer sure where my rant was headed.
He eased toward me, eyebrows dipping low. “You make a lot of noise about how I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m onto you.” He brushed a thumb over my cheek, and I stumbled back from him.
“Oh please. This should be good. Enlighten me about myself. Share your insight into my inner workings.” I clenched my hands into tight fists until my nails cut into my palms. Even that pain wasn’t enough to get me to stop, to bring me back around to where I should be. Maybe I never giggled, but I should be on my knees, playing the part. I should be nuzzling his crotch. I should already have my throat stuffed with his huge cock. I should be choking on him. That’s what he wanted me here for. Why was I doing this to ruin it for myself?
My chest heaved and I shook, no matter how rigid I tried to stand.
“You’re just a little lost lamb. A soft lamb waiting for someone to come along and lead him where he should be, lock him away for safekeeping. Pet him. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want someone who is willing to invest in you a bit? You’re tired of being the one-and-done.”
How the fuck does he know that?He couldn’t. He was taking stupid fucking guesses about me. I held my breath. That infuriating… okay, slightly addicting nickname he’d tossed at me made a shocking amount of sense now. He thought I was squishy and fluffy on the inside. Sweet. No one in their right mind would say that if they knew me for more than five minutes, so obviously he was off his rocker. My guts squirmed and I flushed hot in a rolling wave from the bottom of my toes to the tips of my ears. My gaze dropped to his chest, and then I squeezed my eyes shut, struggling to breathe evenly.
“There it is,” he whispered and ran a soft hand down my cheek. “There’s my good boy. My lamb.”
“Stop it, Jayce,” I hissed and snapped my eyes open to glare at him.
He smirked and small lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes that had me wanting to lick him all over. “Let’s chat.”
“Fuck me and send me home. I have nothing I need to talk about with you.” He flinched.Good.“We’re all caught up for the night. You can park the Mystery Machine.”
He snorted and it sounded more amused than pissed off. Maybe I needed to try harder if I wanted him to just fuck me and get this over with. We were here. It was going to happen, but sex was all this was. Why was he still looking at me like I was being fuckingcute? “Your psychoanalysis is wasted. Do they teach you this elementary reading-people ridiculousness on the force? Do they hand out a copy ofThe Ellipsis Manualthe last day of training before they give you your jackboots? Did you read it?Canyou read? Because you’re bad at it.” I took a deep breath to keep going, but his eyes narrowed away from that pleasant sparkle they’d had. My gut twisted badly. I’d liked the way he’d been looking at me, but who cared. It wasn’t real.
He cleared his throat. “You feel that way about it?”
“Yes.”
He stepped forward until his face was in mine. I could smell mint and my mouth watered. I held my breath as I realized I had to look up into his eyes. Not much. Normally I might not have noticed he was taller than me, but he was larger than me in all the ways that counted physically, plus I was generally no good in a fight. I didn’t want to be. Call me a needy sub, but I wanted a Dom to take care of me. I eyed up his hard chest and the rounded muscles of his biceps, the way his T-shirt skimmed his tight abs, and I shivered.
Jayce waited until my gaze was back on his to move. He slid half a step closer and his body heat radiated against my front, but he didn’t touch me. I swallowed so hard it hurt. “Listen, with both ears.”
“Okay, Jayce.” I tried to be flippant and failed miserably as my voice wavered on his name.
“So, this is how it is? I have to earn it, huh?” He rested his hand on the back of my head, a featherlight touch, but I flinched anyway. He stroked his fingers softly into my hair, and I trembled, not sure if I should lean into his touch or not, not clear if it was allowed to do such a thing. I was so confused, but what he was doing was nice.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Why?” There was some real anger in his voice and his eyes practically glowed with it. “You hand it out to strangers.” He snagged my chin between his fingers and squeezed, his other hand still firmly on the back of my head, but it seemed the move was more to get my attention than hurt me.
