“No,” River snarled, surprising me at his intensity. “Whether he helps me or not, if Triple X is raided and somehow ends up closed, that’s an attack on my community. I won’t allow that.”
I nodded. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
His eyes widened, and I laughed.
“You’re a good man, River. A good sub. Any Dom would be lucky to have you to call theirs. Your last Dom was a dumbarse.”
A deep magenta flush worked its way onto his cheeks, and he glanced away quickly, out the window and to the passing cars. He crossed his ankles and leaned back, and I took it as a cue that this conversation was over. River Demchenko was a hard nut to crack, and after hearing about his ex, I could see why he protected himself. I didn’t blame him.
“I enjoyed our night at Triple X,” I said, keeping my gaze on the road. I took an exit off the motorway and headed across the toll bridge into the suburb of Lily Hills on the east side of Vert Island. I never understood why they called it that because there weren’t any hills.
“Every guy likes to get off.” His voice was tight and his shoulders stiffened.
“Yeah, we do, but it was more than that. I told you about my… Alex, about how I’ve not felt anything about his death. I didn’t just mean grief, either. I hadn’t felt anything but numbness since he went missing. Not a thing. It was bloody frustrating. After I did my last stint in the marines, I got out just before Alex. I suffered PTSD.”
He turned to me, mouth twisted in curiosity. “I know a few people who had that after they got out of the forces.”
I hummed in acknowledgement and smiled at him. “It wasn’t pretty. I had the flashbacks, the nightmares, the anger issues. When Alex got out, he suffered too, but not as bad as I did. I thought there was something wrong with me. At one point, we were in a mall in Miami and this dog started barking. I think it was a guide dog, but I had the worst flashback. When we were in Afghanistan, the other side used to sic their dogs onto us and we had to shoot them. Would you believe me if I told you that shooting those animals was as bad as shooting humans?”
“Yes.” River laid a hand on my thigh and it was a welcoming weight.
“So, I had a flashback, and I lost all control of my senses. I thought I was back there, fighting to survive. Alex brought me out of it. He was always my rock. Over the years I got better, I went to counseling, I worked with other vets. You learn to cope with PTSD, find things to keep you in reality. When they told me he was gone, I thought I’d relapse. The night you found me at the hospital, I’d been drinking. I expected to fall down that fucking rabbit hole again. Lose myself in my head. I’m not supposed to touch alcohol often. They call it a depressant, gives you the blues. It could’ve triggered an attack.”
He gripped my thigh tighter.
“Then I saw your hookup, and I was curious about the BDSM scene. I researched. I watched porn. I liked what I saw.” Smiling at him, I continued, “I imagined what you would look like as a sub.”
“Me?” River squinted my way and it made him look delectable. Everything he did made me want to kiss him.
“Yeah, you. While I stand by the fact that pretending to be lovers is a good idea to get information from these clubs, it wasn’t an act I found difficult.” I winked at him. “Anyway, what happened last week made mefeelsomething. I don’t know what. Excitement. Lust. Need. Something I hadn’t felt since before Alex died. So you can hate me, but it wasn’t just about getting off for me. It felt bloody amazing.”
River didn’t have time to answer, and maybe in a way I’d planned for that because I wanted him to seriously think about what I’d said. I pulled the car over to the side of the road and waved my hand at Slater, who was already waiting for us outside Sebastian’s house.
“Come on, let’s see what information we can get out of this kid.”
10
River
It was difficult to keep my mouth shut as we walked along the inlaid-brick front path dotted with yellow maple leaves that ended at a house so spectacular I wasn’t sure I’d ever stepped foot in one quite like it. The architecture was medieval castle meets French chateau, and it was almost worth the toll we paid to get over the bridge to Vert Island simply to see it.
The longer this went on, however, the more leads we chased down, and the more people we talked to, I was beginning to wonder if maybe I shouldn’t just stop worrying. Whoever had my pics already had plenty of time to do whatever the hell they wanted with them by now.
Groaning to myself, I ran a hand over my face, and Jayce smoothly lifted an eyebrow my direction.
“This is stupid. You heard that Seb kid the other night, losing his fucking mind. He loves this guy, Xander. I wouldn’t trust him as far as… well, maybe not you.” I eyed up Jayce’s impressive physique and my stomach warmed, but I was on too much of a roll to enjoy it. “But I wouldn’t trust him as far as Madden could throw him.”
Ahead of us, Slater laughed. He was almost as jacked as Jayce, but I wasn’t into tall, dark, and broody. That was my spot in any relationship, thank you very much. He said over his shoulder, “We thought having Sebastian face-to-face with you might make him more likely to talk. Own up to some of his responsibility in this mess.”
“Or he might clam up tighter than a virgin’s asshole.”
Jayce snorted. “Slater would know all about that.”
Slater spun right around to shove Jayce, and they stopped to wrestle each other back and forth like kids. Rolling my eyes, I stepped around them.
Eventually, we all reached the front stoop, which was big enough to comfortably fit a brass band and didn’t have a speck of autumn debris on it, then stared at one another. As if he’d lost some sort of bet, Jayce huffed and reached forward. He pounded his fist on the door of the big fancy house Seb’s parents apparently owned.
His jawline’s nice.I made myself break off from staring at Jayce. My gut twisted and tangled with a bad feeling that wouldn’t quite settle into anything. Was I furious? Was I embarrassed? Heat seeped up my neck and into my ears. I wasn’t quite sure. What the fuck was I supposed to do with the information that Jayce liked what we’d done together? Did that even matter? I exhaled a shaky breath, shocked that I might want him to consider me as…. Fuck, this was confusing.
