“You should have,” I said with a hardness to my voice that had River edging in closer to me. I forced myself to smile anyway. If this guy was the owner, I had to at least show some respect, even though I hated how well these men knew River. “I make it obvious for a reason. I know how beautiful my boy is.”
Vic laughed, and it was easy to hear over the pumping club music, which had dulled in the background before another song came on. “I like you. You’re the kind of guy I think could keep River in check.”
“My name is Jayce.” I held out my hand and he took it.
“Pleasure. I’m Zack Vicar, owner of Triple X. People around here call me Vic.”
“I know. My boy already told me who you are.” I squeezed his hand with enough pressure to make it turn white before I released it. “This is the first time I’ve been here, but my boy recommends it.”
“I’m glad to hear that. River is an important member. He’s never mentioned you, and we regularly stay in contact. May I talk to your boy?” Vic raised his eyebrows like he was testing me, and I smiled as kindly as I could.
“You can.” I touched the middle of River’s back, and his heated gaze slid to me. There was something in his eyes that made my gut twist in excitement, as though he’d like nothing more than to get on his knees and service me right here. I never expected River Demchenko to be a man who enjoyed losing control, but it made sense. The man was a veritable image of coolness, so of course he wanted to give it up when he could. I expected him to be more of a brat, the kind who liked to get spankings for opening his mouth and sprouting a smartarse comment. Would some attitude come when he was more comfortable, or did he really enjoy letting me be the big man?
He tilted his head toward me and then turned his attention to Vic. “You’ve met my Sir.”
Vic laughed again and he nodded. “I have. He’s quite the Dom. He’s a good match for you, River. I’m impressed you finally found someone who meets your needs, after that last fiasco of a man.”
River winced and piqued my curiosity.
Someone called Vic’s name, and he glanced over toward the bar, raising his hand. “I’m needed. We should talk later. I’d really like to get to know this new Sir of yours. Gentlemen.” With a nod of his head, he was gone, stalking toward a member who’d obviously gotten a little touchy with one of the half-naked men walking around the room with a tray of drinks.
River leaned in closer to me, his breath fluttering against my ear as he whispered, “You’re doing well. You have them believing you’re actually my Dom.”
“What happened to your last one?” I asked, unable to stop myself.
River tensed and went to move away, but I wrapped my arm around his waist, hand pressed against his hip to stop him from going.
“I think this is something I need to know. What if he causes problems while we’re trying to find answers?”
“Won’t happen.” He didn’t sound as confident as he usually did. Sighing, he continued, “He had a boyfriend I didn’t know about. He wanted me to be part of their relationship. I have no problems with polyamory, but it’s not for me. I was angry that he hadn’t disclosed that he had a partner when we started playing.”
“Arsehole.” I shook my head and released my hold on him, but he didn’t move away like I expected him to.
“Yeah, so I decided to stop looking for something permanent. It’s easier to play with men I don’t know.” His eyes dimmed as his stare roamed the room. My heart ached for him. It wasn’t hard to see the loneliness in his gaze, especially for someone like me, who felt it just as much. I’d gone out and had one-night stands since Alex’s death, but it came with a coldness that left me feeling guilty and more alone than I’d felt before. Being with someone physically would never be the same as when there were emotions too.
“I know what you mean.”
River turned toward me, head cocked curiously. “Your husband?”
I nodded, my throat growing tight. “I loved him. We argued, but I did love him a lot. After he died I felt nothing. No grief. No loss. Nothing. I felt like I’d failed him as a husband.” I hooked my fingers around River’s arm and guided him to a table that was just vacated. We took a seat. “I thought if I had sex with other men I’d feel something, and I guess I did feel guilty, but no grief. Even now I’m numb when I think about him, and I wonder why. Is there something wrong with me?”
River shook his head. “Grief is a strange emotion. People react differently.”
“Maybe, but I should have felt something. I should have cried. I did nothing. The night you found me at the hospital, I wanted to see his body so I could feel that grief, see that he was actually dead. Staring at his body didn’t help. It was Alex, but not my husband. Thatbodywasn’t the Alex I knew and loved.”
I didn’t know why I was telling him this. He was the first person I’d talked to about Alex since his death. Slater had tried to bring up the subject but I’d changed it to a different topic, and a man like Slater understood, choosing to go along with whatever I wanted to talk about. Madden, on the other hand, was a little pushier, and it took Slater to misdirect him to get him to change the subject.
An MC’s voice sounded throughout the room over the sound system. “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Club Triple X. Who’s ready for some entertainment tonight?”
The crowd cheered, some of the men louder than others. A few blokes closer to the stage stood up from their chairs, clapping and hooting.
“We have some amazing dancers for you tonight, from our favorite, Phoenix—”
The crowd went wild. River clapped, so I joined in as well.
“—to a few fresh bodies.” The announcer dragged out thes, which seemed to rev the audience up even more. “But let’s start with one of our well-known dancers. Handsome, long-legged, and smooth all over, he’s as naughty as they come. Put your hands together and get your money ready for Sugar.” Again he dragged the name out, and the crowd screamed louder.
The lights around the room flickered and then went dark around the outside of the stage. Music thumped from the speakers on the side walls and a spotlight danced around the stage in the middle. I couldn’t tell what was louder, the men and women surrounding the stage or the actual thumping club music.
