As the questions barraged my mind, Poppy let out a gentle sigh of contentment. It was like his tranquility was inversely related to my anxiety.
How is Poppy, the most anxious person I know, chilled out right now!?
I shut my eyes and breathed.
Fucking relax, asshole. Poppy’s just leaning his head on you, dipshit. It’s not even a big deal.
But it was a big deal to me. Because I’d missed him so fucking much. Because this was all I’d wanted for long, wasted years. The pressure in my chest fizzed and bubbled up until I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Poppy,” I rasped. “I really missed you.”
He angled his face up so that when he blinked, his eyelashes fluttered against my jawline. The feather-soft sensation rocketed through me, ricocheting around my body like a stray billiard ball.
“I missed you, too,” Poppy murmured.
My heart clenched as those four words stabbed me. Fuck, he had no idea how much that meant to me.
Encouraged by his reply, I opened my mouth. “Can I...”
But I didn’t have the courage to finish my sentence. I shut my mouth, feeling embarrassed.
“Go on,” Poppy urged gently.
I gritted my teeth. Now I couldn’t refuse.
Just spit it out!
“Can I hug you?” I barked.
Poppy lifted his head off my shoulder just enough to flash me a slightly bewildered expression. Then he broke into an airy laugh. “Of course you can. Why would you even ask?”
As his permission washed over me, so did a new sense of confidence. I didn’t waste a second. I threw my arms aroundPoppy and pulled him against my chest like I’d die if I let go. My heart thudded, hard and fast. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Poppy,” I rasped. “I missed you real bad. Every fucking day of my life.”
His back tensed for a split second before it started to tremble. I could tell he was struggling not to cry. He nodded, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
“I know,” he whispered. “I did, too.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I croaked.
He slowly shook his head, his hair rustling against my leather jacket. “I don’t know... You didn’t seem to care.”
Fuck, that hurt.
“You never came to say hi to me,” Poppy went on, his voice small and frail. “You never seemed interested in reconnecting... You ignored me six times while I was here. So, I figured you wanted to move on and forget about me.”
I laughed, but it was bitter and self-loathing. “Gods, Poppy, I’m so sorry. I’m just a fucking moron.”
Poppy’s eyes glistened with tears as he faced me. His expression was even and serious. Something shifted in his body, as if gearing up to wriggle out of my grasp.
“I don’t... I don’t want to do this if you’re going to ignore me again tomorrow,” Poppy said, trembling. “I really can’t handle it...”
Fuck. I was despicable.
Poppy was right. Six seasons of the Dragonfate Games came and went, and I totally ignored him. I tried to pretend he didn’t exist.
But he misunderstood why. It wasn’t that he was unwanted. The truth was that I didn’t think I deserved him. At all.
