“I need to show you something,” I muttered.
Paz stopped mid-bite. He furrowed his brows. “Okay. Why do you sound really serious all of a sudden?”
“Because this is serious.”
Paz blinked, then glanced at Haz’rull and Arr’tow. But they had nothing to offer him.
This wasn’t their battle. It was mine.
“Come,” I said solemnly. “If we leave now, we can be there and back by dark.”
Paz sounded unsure. “Okay.” He narrowed his eyes. “Are you okay, Kur’tok?”
I wasn’t sure anymore. Because if Paz knew the truth and he no longer wished to be my filum, then I would very muchnotbe okay.
“I will be,” I promised, although I couldn’t be certain.
The journey was rough on my healing body, but I’d been through worse. With Paz clinging to my back, I ran hard and fast across the wilds. Every step jolted my memories, stirring them up like a disturbed riverbed. I tried to ignore it, but the closer we got, the more difficult it became.
Paz felt tense as he clung to me. Was he reacting to my own tension? I hated worrying him, but I couldn’t pretend that it was all okay. If he knew what happened in the past, he might leave me. If he did, I doubted I’d ever be okay again.
My stomach felt sick by the time we approached the hill overlooking the location of the incident. I slowed to a halt and allowed Paz to dismount onto the grass.
“Phew,” he said, brushing himself off. “That was fun, wasn’t it?”
He flashed a grin, trying to lift my mood, but I couldn’t return it. I was too anxious. When I didn’t smile, Paz rubbed my shoulder.
“Kur’tok, what’s bothering you? Please tell me. You’ll feel better if you do.”
I grimaced. “Never made me feel better before. It’s only made things worse.”
“What are you talking about?” Paz asked, sounding frustrated.
“That.”
I pointed aggressively over the edge of the hill.
Paz frowned, then followed my lead. He peered over the ledge. When he saw what was below, he gasped.
The charred remains of what was once my home stood stark and gray compared to the surrounding greenery. Every den had crumbled to ash. All the communal gardens, every outdoor space, burnt to a crisp. Everything was gone.
Memories of the acrid scent flooded to my nose. I clenched my eyes and shook my head, but it didn’t vanish. It was so strong, I could still taste the burnt air on my tongue.
My feelers trembled. They flashed violent and terrified shades of red.
I didn’t want to be here. I never wanted to return. But Paz had to know.
“What... what happened here?” he asked, staring in horror at the ruined village.
“Me,” I said in a low rasp.
Paz turned slowly to face me. His eyes brimmed with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I wanted to wrench my gaze away from the ruins, yet I forced myself to stay steady. But as anxiety coursed through my blood, my knees trembled. I sat down on the grassy hill beside Paz.
“When I was a youngling, I made a terrible mistake,” I murmured.
Paz put his hand on my arm. Even now, he offered me comfort.
