“They sure are,” I agreed with a slight wheeze. The combined weight of three furry youngins was making it harder to breathe. Lupa seemed to take the hint and slipped off, but Starry and Zak were too young to notice or care.
Leveret came little closer with a serious expression. Realizing that he wanted to talk, I finally sat upright. The two little ones slid off into the grass, where they were quickly distracted by a shiny bug whizzing by. They proceeded to chase it in a circle nearby.
“It’s not fair,” Leveret said. “You should have a mate too.”
I smiled sympathetically at him. How was I supposed to explain this to a kid? Like his sister, Leveret was too young to understand the complications that held me back from being a ‘normal’ member of the pack like everyone else.
I shrugged. “Some adults just don’t have mates.”
“Why?” both he and Lupa asked at the same time.
That really was the eternal child question. Why? Honestly, that was the same thing I wanted to ask of the universe. Why was I the way I was? Why had I done so much crap that I regretted? Why had I lucked out in being accepted by this pack although I didn’t deserve it?
I realized both of them were still staring at me, waiting for an answer. For once, my smart mouth had nothing smart to say. The truth was, I didn’t have a clue. Foxes were supposed to be clever problem solvers but I was stumped on this one.
“It’s one of the many mysteries of the universe,” I said with a smile, hoping it was mysterious and awe-inspiring enough to sate their curiosity.
“That’s stupid,” Lupa said.
There goes my attempt to dodge their interrogation.
“I have an idea,” Ashe said, perking up. “We should find a mate for Uncle Red!”
Lupa and Leveret were both enamored with this idea immediately.
“Yeah!” Lupa said, bounding up on all four paws.
I chuckled at their enthusiasm. Even though I appreciated their attempt to play matchmaker, this was a more complicated issue, one I knew a gaggle of well-meaning kids wouldn’t be able to solve.
“Let’s go look right now,” Ashe suggested.
In the time that it took me to open my mouth, he and Lupa were already gone, bounding through the grove as if some mysterious and handsome stranger had suddenly appeared out of thin air to be my perfect match. The idea made me snort in amusement. I may as well sit down to read one of Len’s numerous fairy tale books.
Speaking of Len, he’d arrived to see what all the fuss was about. He quirked a brow as he watched his daughter race off in determination. I shifted to human form to talk with him and brushed the stray hairs and dirt off myself.
Len picked up Leveret, who remained in hare form. I got the feeling he wanted to hold his son as much as possible before he got too big or started objecting. Len was always very parental, which I admired about him. I was also a teensy tiny bit jealous. Okay, maybe a lot jealous. But I never had an inkling of ill will towards Len. The guy was too damn lovable.
“Need a break from babysitting?” Len asked.
“No,” I said. “You know I’m good all day and night. Well, maybe not night. A guy does need his beauty sleep once in a while.”
Len smiled. “Don’t I know it? When the twins were young, you were a total lifesaver when it came to beauty sleep. I don’t know how people raise kids without help.”
“You know that human saying? It takes a village? Turns out that’s true. Except we should say it takes a pack.”
Len’s eyes were warm with fondness. “Or just one very dedicated fox shifter. Thanks, Red. I’ll take it from here. Why don’t you go take some time for yourself?”
I was a little tired from babysitting to be honest, but I didn’t want to admit that to Len. I couldn’t seem weak. If I lost my usefulness, I didn’t know what I would do. That was basically the only thing going for me at this point.
As the feelings of guilt crept back in, I had to look away from Len. Sometimes I thought too hard about the fact that I had tried to hurt him when we first met. That was a period in my life I hated, but it had happened and there was no erasing the past, much as I want to do it. I could only pray to the gods that Len had forgiven me.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, forcing a smile that would pass as genuine to almost anyone. “I should go make sure Lupa and Ashe don’t wander too far.”
Before I could go, Len put his hand on my shoulder. “Red. I’m serious. You need a break as much as anyone else. I know you like watching the kids, but that can’t be the only thing you do with your life.”
I tried not to wince. He said it gently, the way he said everything, but for some reason the words stung. He couldn’t know that this was the only thing I had left. I wasn’t like him or anyone else in the pack. I didn’t have a mate or child. I wasn’t fated to anyone, and I would never be. I was just too messed up.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to keep up my expression.
