19
Maxwell
After about a week of going on with our lives--and having sex almost every night with Theo--the reality of the situation finally seemed to hit me.
We’d been having unprotected sex for the purpose of having a baby, and the decision had been mine to make.
I could have been pregnant by now.
With a sudden anxious lurch in my stomach, I ran to the lounge, where sounds of videogames echoed, and I knew I would find Benji and Caleb there. The girls were hanging out on the floor and playing with dolls and toy cars.
When Benji saw me out of the corner of his eye, he hit pause and looked to me with a concerned frown.
“Maxwell? What’s up?” he asked.
“I--I don’t know,” I said.
Caleb made space on the couch and patted the seat. Shakily, I approached and sat in between them. Their human warmth felt almost strange after spending so much time with Theo and his mildly colder skin, but it was still comforting.
“Are you feeling okay?” Caleb asked. “You look worried.”
I rubbed my arms. “I am worried, I guess. I’m kind of freaking out.”
Benji touched my back. “What’s bothering you?”
I inhaled a trembling breath, held it for a moment, then exhaled. It was a method I learned at my anxiety meetings that was supposed to help calm me down, but right now, it wasn’t doing much.
“I don’t know if you guys know this already, but Theo and I are trying for a baby,” I murmured.
The brothers gasped.
“Dude, that’s so exciting!” Caleb cried.
“You guys are gonna be great parents,” Benji agreed with a wide smile.
“That’s the thing,” I said, facing him. “What if we’re not? More like, what ifI’mnot? I made the decision to have a baby with Theo, but now that I could actually have one growing inside me, I--I don’t know. I’m panicking.”
“I promise you, everybody who's ever been pregnant feels like that at least once,” Benji reassured me. “It’s completely normal to think you’re not prepared.”
His words made sense but my brain refused to be convinced. I stared at the floor.
“Think back to how you felt when you agreed to try for a baby in the first place,” Caleb suggested. “What were you experiencing?”
I tried to remember. “Hope and excitement, mostly.”
“Then hang on to those feelings now.” Caleb took my hand and affectionately squeezed it. “Don’t let yourself get lost in the bad stuff. Remember all the good in your decision.”
I nodded, appreciating his words even though my brain still felt like mush.
“Have you talked to Theo about this?” Benji asked.
“No,” I said, my stomach sinking at the thought. “I don’t want him to know how afraid I am.”
The brothers exchanged glances. Then Benji rubbed my back. “I really think you should talk to him, Maxwell. This isn’t ayouproblem. It’s one that involves both of you. Right?”
My heart pounded like a prisoner trying to escape a cell. The idea of telling Theo how scared I was was almost more terrifying than the thing I was actually afraid of.
“Is Uncle Max gonna have a baby?” a bright voice asked.
