“His name was Andrew, and he was a stupid fucking asshole,” Jake spat. “An alpha, of course. The one who ruined them all for me, until I met you.”
I felt a bloom of pride, despite the bitterness in Jake’s voice.
“He…” Jake stared at the far wall with a frown. “He said he loved me. All the time. But he didn’t show it. He was rude, obnoxious, and callous. He didn’t take photos of us together, like you and I did. He didn’t hold my hand or bring me chocolate, or roses. None of that.”
Jake’s eyes settled on the roses in front of us, like they were helping to anchor him in reality instead of falling into the foul pit of his memories.
“But there was one thing he loved doing together,” Jake said with a grim, humorless smile. “Fucking.”
I winced.
“It’s not a secret that we had a lot of sex,” Jake continued somberly. “But Andrew always made it a point to make sure no babies would ever come out of it.”
When Jake paused, I hesitated. “You used contraception?”
He nodded, but his expression was distant. “Yeah. Condoms, birth control, morning-after pills… Basically anything you can think of. He never wanted to do anything other than penetration, so it became necessary.”
I felt a wave of irritation towards Jake’s ex, but didn’t interrupt.
“I don’t know when the change in him started, but at one point, he became worse. It was clear that he didn’t actually care about me anymore, but he wanted the sex. Every night.” Jake shut his eyes. “One day, I was tired. I didn’t want to have sex. He hit me.”
My eyes widened as shock pulsed through my blood. “Jake…”
“It’s fine,” he said coldly. “Anyway, I knew at that point it was fucking over. I didn’t want anything to do with him ever again and I left.” Jake’s lips turned into a snarl. “But he kept calling and texting, begging for me to come back, even though all he wanted was a hole to put his dick in.”
“Bastard,” I muttered.
“That’s putting it nicely. Even when I blocked him, he’d find ways to contact me. Finally, I got sick of it. Do you know what I told him?”
My stomach twisted. “What?”
“I told him I was pregnant, and that the baby was his,” Jake said. “I never heard from him again. Ever.”
I struggled to take in what Jake told me. Anger bubbled in my chest. “That asshole. I can’t believe him!” With some hesitation, I asked, “Was it true?”
Jake laughed. “No, of course not. I lied and said the condom broke, and that I wasn’t on birth control. But I knew it would make him fuck off, and it did.”
“Does he still think you have a child together?” I asked.
“No.” Jake rubbed his arm. “Skylar and some other friends intervened, and basically told him I was lying, but that I never wanted to see him again. He’d given up at that point. Maybe he moved on to someone else.” He shrugged. “But at that point, it didn’t matter. The damage had been done.”
“Damage?” I echoed.
“It changed something in my brain.” Jake fiddled with his fingers. “It made me believeIwas the one who didn’t want kids. It made me think that I was evil or something for even thinking about having a baby.”
My heart broke for him. I reached out to pull Jake into my arms, and he leaned his weight against my chest.
“For a long time, I couldn’t tell what I really wanted,” Jake said sadly. “My head was full of Andrew’s poison. I guess it took me until now - until meeting you - to suck the poison out.” He looked up. “So I totally get it. Your anxiety about me and Heath and all that. We both have our issues.”
I smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “Thank you for sharing that.”
“I mean, wearedating now. I figured I had to tell you at some point.” Jake tilted his head. “Does it make you feel better, at least?”
“Yes,” I said honestly. “It does. I promise I’ll battle off those thoughts if they ever return. I won’t let them win.”
“Good.”
We lost track of time as we cuddled against each other, our embraces warm and comforting.
