Jake
My voice broke. “He’s gone.”
Skylar was at my side on the couch as I stared at the door. The wistful part of me hoped that maybe Griffin would come back through it any moment now and apologize. But he didn’t.
“Jake, what happened?” Skylar asked me desperately. “I only caught the tail end of the fight before he ran out.”
He rubbed my back in soothing circles, and brought a box of tissues closer in case I needed to cry. But I wasn’t crying. I wasn’tsad. I felt something else, something worse than sadness.
“It’s my fault,” I mumbled. “I should have gotten rid of them.” I barked a laugh. “It’s my fault for fucking him in the first place. Both times. Mostly the second time. I’m so stupid.”
“You arenotstupid!” Skylar cried. “He’s the one who acted like an idiot, okay? It’s like you’re always saying. Alphas aren’t worth the effort.”
“No. He’s right. This doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “We - we were supposed to be nothing more than a one night stand. It’s my fault for ruining it. I shouldn’t have asked him to come over, or to stay.”
“Stop it.” Skylar took hold of my shoulders and shook me. “Cut it out right now. You’re not being fair to yourself.”
“Nothing about this isfair,” I snapped to Skylar. “Okay? I could be pregnant, and the semen donor over there just ran the fuck out of the apartment. And you know what? Itismy fault. BecauseI’mthe one who didn’t take the goddamn morning-after pill.”
Skylar’s eyes widened. The anger on his face turned to doubt and confusion. “You - Jake, what?”
“I didn’t take it. On purpose.” I held my head in my hand. “That’s why it’s my fault.”
Skylar made a few sputtering noises before he finally said, “But why, Jake? The entire time I’ve known you, you never wanted to have kids. You always hated the idea of getting pregnant.”
“I know,” I mumbled.
“Then why would you purposely forgo the pill? And the condom?” Skylar asked.
“That's just it. I don’t know, Sky. The condom I just forgot about because in the moment, it didn’t feel like I needed one. Like I wanted to bewithGriffin physically more than anything. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s how I felt.” I shook my head. “But the pill… I can’t explain it. I couldn’t swallow one.”
Skylar’s brows furrowed in sympathy. “And the pregnancy test?”
“I thought I might as well have one on hand,” I murmured. “Just in case.”
Skylar fell silent, taking in all the information. He held my hand and continued stroking my back. I was so glad for his presence, because I might have fallen apart without it.
Eventually, Skylar asked, “So what are you going to do?”
When I turned to face him, I could tell we both already knew the answer. “I guess we’re gonna wait and see if Iampregnant.”
“And if you are?” he asked hesitantly.
I swallowed. The question hung over me like a charged cloud.
WhatwasI going to do? I truthfully didn’t know. None of this even felt real. How was I supposed to make such a huge decision by myself - especially when it involved an alpha who just ran out on me?
“I’ll see when the time comes,” I replied simply.
Skylar hugged me, and that was when I lost it. I began crying into his shoulder and he held me the entire time.
* * *
The day passedin a long daze. Thank god I had the next day off work, and so did Skylar. He was always by my side, which I appreciated. I felt too vulnerable to be alone.
“I have an idea,” Skylar said gently at the table while we had breakfast.
I glanced up from a bowl of self-indulgent kids’ cereal. Even the abundant sugar wasn’t enticing enough for me to want to eat the whole thing with my low appetite.
