We sat in silence for a moment. My mind immediately went to anxiety once more - morning sickness couldn’t happenthisearly into a pregnancy, could it? No, that was stupid to even imagine. Of course he wouldn’t experiencesymptomsyet.
“Do you want to watch TV?” Iasked.
John shruggedweakly. “Sure.”
I couldn’t tell if his responses meant he reallydidn’twant to watch TV, or if he was too sick to be anything other than apathetic. I grabbed the remote and flipped through channels, checking for a reaction from John out of the corner of my eye. He didn’t seem to care about any of them in particular so I left it on a home-based channel. People were redecorating their livingrooms.
“Do you think that’s gonna be us some day?” I askedgently.
John didn’t reply right away, and that made me even moreanxious.
“I hope so,” he finallymurmured.
I squeezed his shoulder. “Of course it will be. We can get any kind of houseyoulike.”
John sighed. He buried his face in my chest like a baby bird. “I don’t care what kind of house it is, as long as itswithyou.”
My heart bloomed. Hedidwant to live together. I didn’t know why I was so anxious about everything. IlovedJohn.
I paused. I did love him, but I hadn’t told him that yet. My mind immediately went to the worst scenarios possible - did he think I was only using him for sex? Did he think I didn’tlovehim?
I shifted a bit so that John and I were face to face. His puffy red eyes looked exactly like they did when we first met at the adoption centre. I kissed each one of his cheeks, thenhislips.
“Don’t,” he mumbled. “I’m grossrightnow.”
“I don’t care.” I kissed his forehead next. “You’re my omega. Nothing you do isgross.”
“Ugh. Sappyalpha.”
Grinning a little, I pulled away to look into his eyes again. “Speaking of sappy…” I picked up one of his hands, rubbing my thumbs over his palm. “You do know I love you,right?”
Something flashed across John’s blue eyes. His jaw tightened. “Youdo?”
I almost laughed. “Of course. It feels stupid of me that I haven’t told you thatuntilnow.”
“No, not at all,” he said, still gazing at me with a glassy expression. “I mean. I loveyoutoo.”
I pulled him into a soft embrace, smelling his hair and neck and taking in all of hisscent.
“Vincent,” he murmured into my chest. He pulled away, avoiding myeyesnow.
But I couldn’t stop spilling my feelings now that I’d started. “I want to live with you, John. I want to raise a family with you. I want to do all the domestic things possible.” I chuckled nervously when I realized how corny that sounded, but I meanteveryword.
“Vincent,” John said again. The way he said it this time made me pause. His brow was furrowed slightly and he stared at mychest.
“What is it?” I asked,concernednow.
Every word came out slowly, like it was painful for John to say. “Do you know why I was at the adoption centrethatday?”
My heart raced. What was hegettingat?
“You’re there a lot, right?” I said. “That’s what thereceptionistsaid.”
John nodded. “I am. But do youknowwhy?”
A chill ran down my spine. I held mybreath. “No.”
He gazed up, his blue eyes piercing mine, holding me with his sorrowfulelectricgaze.
“Because I can’t havechildren.”
