Quietly, quickly, I pry his heavy arm off me, roll out of bed and root around for my shirt. The bra’s a lost cause. In the hallway, I find my skirt, struggle to get my underwear up, and snag my shoes and keys, walking barefoot to the door.
Out, down the cold metal steps, breathing hard and fast through my nose, but somehow keeping the tears in check. They hurt, trying to force their way out, but I know better than to let them.
It’s okay. It’s good, even. The hurt’s focusing me, keeping my steps quiet, careful.
I get to the big metal outer door and unlock it, then swing it open and jump with a startled scream when something separates from the shadows.
“Shit. Shit, lady. Stop. Stop. Sorry.” I’m about to slam the door shut, but I pause. “Sorry, is Ricky here?”
“Ricky?”
“Or Jake. He here?”
“What?” I peer at the kid in front of me. He’s tall, but can’t be more than twelve or thirteen years old. He’s got the nasal voice of a boy in full-blown puberty and the hunched shoulders of a young man not yet used to his long, lanky body.
“Jake lets me crash here sometimes. On the mats over there, see? In the corner.”
I turn and blink through the dark at a pile of those thick, soft-looking mats. There’s what might be a towel or a blanket folded up beside it.
“Jake does that? He lets you stay here?”
The kid shrugs. “Just on days I’m not allowed home.”
“Not allowed?” I lower my volume at the last minute. The last thing I need is Jake coming down and dragging me back up to his room. I could handle sleeping together every night as long as I woke up on my own. But waking up groggy beside sweet, sleepy, bed-Jake? I don’t think my shields would stay up. I don’t have that kind of stamina.
“Dad’s an asshole,” the kid says, his voice thick.
“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry.” I squint back at him in the dark. “Look, I don’t know what to do here. It’s not my gym and I don’t feel like it’s my place to?—”
From upstairs, a door slams. Crap. Jake.
He’s coming down here, fast, no doubt, trying to catch me. I can’t face him right now, not with the way I’m feeling. Like I’ve just ripped myself open and now I’m bare and if he takes one more piece of what’s inside me, I’ll break again.
“Listen, that’s him, okay? Ask him…”
The door at the top of the stairs flies open and I don’t want to see him. I can’t. How can I when I’ve made the biggest, worst mistake of all?
Like an absolute fool, I’ve gone and fallen in love with the man. And nothing,nothingI’ve lived through could have prepared me for how much I know this is going to hurt.
I take off.
Jake
By the time I make it down the stairs, I expect her crappy old Rav 4 engine to turn over. I figure she’ll be gone, pulled out of the lot with a squeal of tires and one last goodbye that tells me I pushed things way too far last night. I get to the door and tense up when Travis waves at me like some black and white scarecrow from a Tim Burton movie.
“D’you see her?” I’m out of breath and out of control. Like I had her one minute, in my arms, warm and soft and everything and now she’s gone and that was it. My one fucking chance to?—
What? Fuck, I don’t know.
He nods, sniffing back what sounds like a cold’s worth of snot. “Yeah. She’s out there.”
“Where’d she go?” I’m all business. “She tell you?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, man. Just…took off.”
“How’d she seem?”
“I don’t know.”
