“Fucking say it while you come, Katarina.Say it.”
“Jake,” I whine as his finger sinks inside me and everything coalesces and the bit of me that was left to take has beentaken.
After a painful split second of tension, so intense it actually hurts, I go boneless. Spine liquid. Flesh a hot, sweet syrup.
My eyes shut and I go somewhere. Warm and soft. Easy. Nothing hurts.
If I could, I’d stay like this forever. Goddamn, let me stay here forever.
31
Jake
Kit slumps over me and I help her slide down my body so she’s covering me, heavy and boneless and warm as a big kitten. My arms automatically wrap around her and I bend and put my lips to the top of her head, start to kiss her soft, dark hair, and freeze.
No kissing.
Something inside me tightens up and it’s a fucking shiv to my gut because it’s two things, twisting two different ways.
Part of me wants to obey her wishes. Do what she says, be the good man. The just man. The man my dad expected me to be. That man knows that none of this is about me, it’s about Kit and the family she’s trying to make. I’m a handy tool being offered at just the right place, right time.
The other part, the fucked-up part, is a gnawing ache she set off deep inside me, urging me to take more than she’s wanting to give. Every time we do this, I figure the ache will fade.
Every time, it gets so much fucking worse.
When I think about what she’s really asking for—that family. Her and any kid she has—and how badly that roof of hers needsfixing, how the front walkway’s gonna be a menace when she’s hauling a kid and it’s icy out and she’s wearing those goddamn shoes with the tiny heels that make her look like pure sex. If nobody fixes the walkway, she’ll get a heel stuck one night coming home and twist her ankle and?—
I’m up and out from under her, swiping an arm across my face, so goddamn resentful and at the same time, what the hell is wrong with me?
I’m not the guy you end up with. I’m not forever.
Jesus, who even fucking wants forever?
I’m halfway across the room by the time she makes a little noise. It’s a kitten waking up noise and it’s the sweetest sound and she’s so beautifully messy there on the sofa, panties hanging off one foot and her entire ass out.
“Jake?” She squints up at me, clearly sees something in my expression that tells her things are off, and awkwardly gets up. That leads to her stepping on her panties and falling back onto the couch and struggling to get both legs on.
I force my insides to harden against all this awkward cuteness from a woman who’s usually so put together, so dignified. I should send her home. Tell her the whole fucking thing’s cancelled.
But the ache in my balls tells me that isn’t happening.
Instead, I say, “Let’s do this,” in the same way I look at the water and take a big breath before an underwater welding dive.
“Oh. Right, how do you want to?—”
“You ready to fuck?” I interrupt, voice hard as steel, while my chest cavity feels filled with razor wire.
I know I sound like a dick. Iama goddamn dick. Even in prison, I was known as someone not to mess with. A young brawler with a death wish. Only got worse after Mom died. Couldn’t see the fucking point anymore.
Frank was there. Thank fuck for Frank.
Ah, hell.Frank.
He’d never be okay with this—fucking her bare, giving her a kid. None of this would fly.
Fuck, he’d kill me.
“Oh, you’re ready to?—”
