It’s a relief to have someone tell me what to do. After what happened in that room tonight, I’ve lost my moorings completely.
I collapse onto the stool and accept water from Max, along with a bag of chips, which I gobble down so fast, she hands me a second. A while later, someone shows up to take her place behind the bar and we head outside together.
When she immediately turns right instead of left, I pull up to a stop. “Where are we going?”
“To a friend’s.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn this into a big deal. I just need to go to my car and change and—”
“Listen for a sec, okay? First of all, is there any chance tonight was your first experience with kink?”
“Well, no. I had a boyfriend once who… One. So, kind of, I guess.”
“You’ve never attended a party or a munch or anything?”
I shake my head.
“That’s a big deal. Was it maybe also your first time having sex in a dark room with a stranger?”
“Definitely.”
“One night stand?”
“That’s never been my thing.”
“How about, I don’t know, having accidental sex with your superstar spouse?”
“We’ve never even had sex. We’re not a real—” I meet Max’s wide-eyed look and go still.
What am I doing? And why’d I just divulge that to a stranger? I’m not thinking straight. Not thinking at all. I sag against the side of the building like an old balloon. “This is bad.”
A few people come up to the door, yelling out hellos to Max, who gives them a quick smile, and nudges me away from the entrance. “You need aftercare, Twilight. It exists for a reason. Beyond that, you need to process what you did in there. Listen, I’m a therapist in my other life. And I really don’t want you to go anywhere after two drinks and an experience like the one you just had. Okay? Will you trust me on this?”
“I feel… I just really don’t want to…” I wave my hands, finding it hard to communicate with my stomach all twisted up and my mind in such a tailspin. I want Zion. I do. I can admit it, though I feel like a fool.You shouldn’t be here.His words were a bucket of ice water, a painful wake-up call. I shouldn’t be here. He’s right, and yet… “I didn’t know it was him. I had no idea and I’m…”
A mess. A huge, hurt, confused wreck. Part of me wants to run away and hide or turn back time.
But mostly, I want to do it all over again. What kind of person does that make me?
“I know. I’m sorry Benji partnered you two. I didn’t realize Zed was even here. At camp.”
“It was…” The orgasms that he gave me come swooping back into my brain and my head thunks back against the clubhouse’s rough wood siding. “It was so…good, Max.”
“I know,” she says, with a grimace. A kind grimace, but an admission all the same.
Heat washes through me—and not in a good way. “You… Oh. Right. So, you and he have…”
She nods, looking a little sheepish. “We’ve played. A few times. Never in the Hole, but…I’m sorry. I thought you should know, given… Hell. I don’t know. The nature of your relationship, or something. Do you want me to—”
This is good. A dose of reality. Or two different realities: my life versus Zion’s. “Has he played with everyone here?”
She shrugs, head tilted, features scrunched up. “Well, noteveryone, but…”
“Oh my god.” I shut my eyes and blow out a long breath, working hard to shove back the stomach curdling jealousy that’s trying to take over. Jealousy I have no right to feel. No claim at all.
I have to face it. It’s a fact. Every summer, Zion comes here and has sex with—I don’t know—dozens of people? Hundreds? Thousands?
The last thing he needs is his fake wife hanging out while he sows his wild oats.
