“You think I’d have done this if I had known the consequences? You think I’d do it again?” He looked older than before, his face lined, shoulders heavy.
“Yes.” More intense than she intended, she stepped close and tilted her head way back to look him in the eye. “Yeah. You’d do it all over again.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. It was all she could do not to kiss it.
“Am I right?” Suddenly, unexpectedly, she wanted to take back the question. What if he said no? What if he preferred his old life to this one? Seriously, who could blame him? There’d been loss and death—so many prices to pay for doing the right thing.
The problem was, if that was his wish—to go back and get a second chance—then he’d wish her away, wish all ofthisgone, never to have happened at all. And she couldn’t bear the idea of never meeting the man.
In a way, she already felt bereft, as if knowing him had carved a hole inside her. But not knowing him would be a million times worse.
Breathing too hard, she moved past him. “How much farther?”
He didn’t answer right away. After another few steps, she looked up and realized that he didn’t have to.
***
“Where thefuckare they?” Deegan barked, clearly not bothered about being overheard.
Standing ankle deep in half-frozen mud, Ash searched the forest below and the cloud-tipped mountains above. They’d both fallen this morning—Deegan twice and Ash once, bruising his hip so badly he’d thought it was broken. Once he’d started walking, it only ached when he slowed.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t fucking know? They’re out here, aren’t they,mate? You’re theshit-hot tracker, right,mate?”
Ash didn’t glance at the other man, whose attempt at imitation was Dick Van Dyke–level absurd. He kept his eyes on the ground, scanning, slowly, carefully. Quietly.
Or at least, that’s what he’d have liked.
“Are you sure they’re even out there?”
Rolling his eyes internally, Ash turned. “They are.” He squinted up at the mountain, then down again.Maybe if you’d shut up, I could think.
Deegan apparently expected more from him. When he didn’t get it, he made a disgusted sound, reached for his sat phone, and headed into the woods, dialing.
Ash turned a full circle, ignoring the man. He loved this place. The harsh, ever-changing weather made it all the more beautiful, as far as he was concerned. What was more enchanting than going to sleep at night and waking to find everything frozen in place? He’d have enjoyed it a lot more if this arsehole hadn’t been with him.
He tilted his head, listening to the low drone of the man’s voice. He couldn’t make out the words, but the tone was not happy. At all.
If only he could leave Deegan behind.
He shut his eyes for a moment, picturing taking it one step further. It would be so easy to end the fool—a clean slice to the throat. Yes, well, though the idea of cold-blooded murder had its appeal, it was not the mission.
He must focus on the mission.
Deegan stomped and slid back up the slope, clearly angry. “Chopper’s down.”
Ash’s brows rose. “Down?”
“Out of commission. Pilot’s working on it, with some geezer from town. Shit.” He sighed, his little eyes flicking around. Deegan had one of those square-jawed American faces so often immortalized in comic books and action films. He was big and blond and strong looking, as far from Ash’s physique as a person could get. And yet, even with his wonky hip, Ash could best this man in a confrontation. The trick with Ash was that he was unobtrusive. Nobody saw him and thought, operative! Nobody assumed that he was the hunter. “Look, you got a bead on them yet?”
Rather than respond, Ash uncapped his water, leaned back, and let his gaze go soft.
The air was cold and crisp, the wind so sharp it pushed the clouds along like recalcitrant sheep. One minute, the peaks were visible, the next, they appeared to be topped with cotton, spun from sugar. Something the other children’s parents would have got for them at the carnival. Something Emma would have begged for.
Had she lived.
He pulled in a breath, let the oxygen brighten his vision and stir up his senses, and tucked his canteen away before setting off again, ignoring Deegan’s muttered obscenities, his thoughts full of the past that never was.
