He smiled and grabbed a box of condoms before moving to the bed. “Yeah.”
It was different this time. Every move felt set up, somehow. He pulled back the quilt, and they settled on the bare bedsheets before putting on the scarves.Premeditated sex, with intent to shag, she thought a little hysterically. Would he notice that she’d taken the time to shave? Probably. He’d spent enough time down there last night. He smoothed her blindfold on, and Uma muffled another nervous giggle.
She was quickly losing her cool. This wouldn’t do. Jesus Christ. If she didn’t have her cool, what the hell would she hang on to?
“Relax, baby.”
“I’m okay,” she protested too quickly.
“We don’t have to do this, you know.”
“I want to.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Yes. Yes.”
A pause. “What do you say if you want to stop?” Ivan asked.
“Um…stop?”
He laughed against the side of her face. “Yeah. You’ll say it, right? If you want us to stop? Or if I do something you don’t like?”
“Yeah. I’ll say it.”
“Good.” Oh, there were those lips again, kissing her to distraction. And there went her sparkly cardigan, followed by her shirt and punctuated with a hot, wet ellipsis of kisses along the side of her neck. A nip at her shoulder coincided with the snap and zip of pants—his, not hers—and the sound of fabric sliding against skin. Her bra went next—oh God—and those perfectly coarse fingers deftly undoing her jeans. She shimmied out of them, nearly falling off the bed in the process. Ivan’s grasp on her arm saved her at the last minute, and her gasp of panic turned to a huffed laugh-groan when he pulled her in and took her nipple in his mouth.
As Ivan slowly made his way over her body, taking her apart, piece by piece, and loving her back together again, odd things came into focus: the slight sting of woodsmoke in her sinuses, the scent of metal embedded in his hair, the gentletink-tinkof Squeak’s collar as she shifted on her bed in front of the fire. Everything was made sharper, more poignant, by the blindfold.
Kisses along her belly, placed with the utmost care, interspersed with moments of complete abandon, grabbing hands melting into moaning mouths, and her slick wetness making noises she should be ashamed of. He tickled and licked and bit his way around her body until she couldn’t stand it anymore. “Stop it!” she yelped.
“What?” he said, his voice sounding breathless.
“You’re killing me, Ivan. I want us to do this.” Why did this suddenly feel wrong? She swallowed back the doubt. “Now.”
“I’m killin’you?”
She could hear the smile in his voice, clung to it.This is Ivan. Good, kind, sweet Ivan.
Forcing a playfulness she suddenly wasn’t sure of, she slapped his arm and tried to pull away, more unsettled than she’d realized. In search of distraction from the shakiness in her limbs, she asked, “Can you the find the condom, or do I have to—”
“It’s right here, baby.”
She forced out a breath and made herself sink back against the pillows.
Okay. This was it. She was doing this.Theywere doing this. With a nod, she said, “Good. Now, put it on.”
The crinkle of the wrapper, the snap of the rubber, the smell of it jarred her overripe senses. “Come here.”
He was over her, poised. “You ready?” He was out of breath, shuddery.
And suddenly she wasn’t ready. Not at all. She remembered the last time, with Joey, and what had felt like nerves turned to something else. She was shaking. “I don’t know.”
“Okay.” He paused and pulled away, then after a moment settled at her side. “What’s going on?”
“I… Oh God. I want to do this with you, but I’m…”
“Tell me.”
