“I can’t,” she’d responded, wondering whether he’d meant tonight, for a while, or forever.
Ivan hadn’t argued.
The idea that he wanted her to stay seemed way too good to be true. Too easy after all the struggle.
As they approached the back door, Squeak ran up and dropped a stick at Ivan’s feet. He gave her a good scratch behind the ear and threw the stick, smiling.A couple of weeks ago, I couldn’t even imagine this man smiling, she thought.And now…
She kept her eyes on the dog, whose pleasure in the game was evident.This is what I want, she thought.I want this dog and this life. This man.
Dangerous thoughts for a woman busy running from her past. A woman with no intention of sticking around longer than it took to clear the writing from her skin. And then there was the danger. To Uma, to Ivan. If Joey found her here, he’d… For all she knew, he could already be on his way. And she’d let herself get sucked back in.
He’d asked her to spend the day with him tomorrow, and she wanted it. So badly it scared her. She couldn’t say no, but she also couldn’t ditch her boss, so she’d agreed to go see him that night instead. She shouldn’t, of course, but he’d kissed her and—
“I’m not planning on sticking around, you know,” she said, interrupting the silence. Someone had to put a stop to their madness.
“So you said.”
“I’ve got to leave Virginia eventually. Go far away. Maybe out west.”
“Hmm.” Somehow, he managed to invest a lot of skepticism in that sound.
“He’ll find me here, you know?” Uma hated how scared her voice came out. She met his eyes defiantly, expecting arguments. What she saw there instead made her itchy.
“Unless you stand up and fight. Let me take care of him, Uma.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t.”
“Bullshit.”
“He works with the law, and he’s powerful. You don’t know him, Ivan. You don’t know who he is.”
“Well, he doesn’t know me either.”
She walked inside, leaving Ivan watching her—shivering at the thought—and made her way silently upstairs to the bathroom.
Things were different tonight as she turned out the light to undress and prepared to step into the shower. Strange how quickly things were changing in her life, in ways she never could have expected. For once, it wasn’t the state of her body that she regretted the most as she squeezed her eyes shut and let the water sluice over her skin. It was the scent of Ivan disappearing down the drain, the imprint of his kisses on her lips and his hands on her body. Ephemeral elements that she had no way to capture.
It was silly, she knew, since she’d see him again tomorrow, but still, while Joey’s marks were indelible, Ivan’s were too easily washed away.
Eyes still closed, she put her cheek to one naked shoulder and rubbed, the motion sensuous, lovely.
What if I showed him?
He’d be disgusted.
Pushing back the idea, she soaped herself up and got rid of all traces of what they’d done. Every last bit.
Somehow, as her hand ran over her breast and her nipple hardened at the contact, the hot water, the humidity, the way her body felt swollen and sultry and heavier than usual, all of it came together, and she remembered his voice. That fucking voice.I’ll take whatever you want. Anything you give me, he’d said, and she wondered,Would that include the truth?
The thought of—Oh God—of his eyes on her. Not covered, but open, aware, there…seeing her. This…this thing that she’d become. This—
Me. He’d see me.
Would he kick her out of his place? Run screaming? Turn away with disgust? Probably. Possibly?
Or maybe not.
Once she shut off the water, Uma stood dripping in the shower, out of breath, with her flesh pebbled with goose bumps, not from the cold, but at the very dim prospect that Ivan would like what he saw.
