Perhaps it was a good thing the responsibility of being queen passed to her when there was no one around to see it. She would’ve made a terrible leader.
Taevas released the counter with a jerk, a soft curse on his lips. He came to her like a rolling storm cloud. She wanted to flinch away from his anger, his disapproval, but he wouldn’t let her.
Two huge purple hands held her head in place when he growled, “I hate this. I hate that I have to take from you again and again. I hate that I don’t have another option. I hate that you have no way of knowing that I’ll be true to my word, my Shiya. That I’ll return what you’ve given me one hundred fold.”
He pressed their foreheads together. Angry breaths puffed against her cheeks. “I could give you anything. Iwill.You’ll never have to worry about money again. You’ll always be protected. You’ll berespected.The ’Riik is safe for you. My clan will protect you. I swear, Shiya, if you just take this one last risk on me, you won’t regret it.”
A wild part of her, the part that was just a woman desperate tolive,clawed inside her chest. She carved deep, bloody grooves into the cage of Alashiya’s ribs, one for each day she’d been trapped.
But she couldn’t only think of that girl. Alashiya had to think ofeveryone.Every ghost, every memory. She was all that was left, and if she stepped out of the little bubble of safety she’d crafted, the risk wasn’t just to her.
I wish that was the reason I can’t do it.
Shame made her skin crawl. There was honor in trying to protect the legacy she’d been left, even to its inevitable extinction, but there was none in the real source of her reluctance.
I’m scared.
She stepped away from Taevas, unable to stand the feeling ofhis hands on her skin. It was too stimulating. It was too good. It reminded her of her cowardice too much. Her chest was too tight. Her vision swam.
Leave? I can’t leave. It’s too dangerous. I have nothing out there. Iamnothing out there.
“I don’t understand why you can’t— why you can’t just leave and come back,” she argued, voice trembling. Defensive anger flared up from the burning coals in her stomach, stinging her with little sparks again and again. “I can get a phone. We can talk. It doesn’t have to be what it was before. You— you sound like you expect me to leave everything I know behind forever just because you say so. How is that fair?”
She couldn’t look at him. She just couldn’t. There was no doubt about what she’d find there.
“Shiya, youknow.You have to know.”
She paced away, their breakfast abandoned. “What do I know?”
Taevas’s tone was utterly implacable when he answered, “That even if there was no threat, I couldn’t leave you here. I won’t. If I was another man, I would’ve already made this my roost — but I’m not and I can’t. I’m Isand, Shiya, and you’re mine. I’m sorry.”
The way he said those last two words sent goosebumps up and down her body.I’m sorry.It was the kind of apology an executioner would give someone under their sword. They might mean it, but it doesn’t change anything. They’ll still swing.
She stepped back toward the kitchen door. “What will you do if I say no?”
“Are you asking me to choose between you or the ’Riik? My clan?” The question was so soft, so damning.
“No,” she insisted, voice pitched high. Gods, she wanted to run so badly. She wanted to clamp her hands over her ears and scream until everything returned to how it was before, when he was just Taevas and she was just Shiya. “I would never do that. I can’t do that to you. I know what your responsibilities are?—”
“And I know what I’m asking ofyou!”
Not that much. Not really.He was asking for her to take a chance, to believe that even if things went wrong, it wouldn’t be life or death. It might turn out okay. He was asking her to trust himbeforethings went bad, because he knew better than her the odds that they would.
So why couldn’t she just sayyes?It didn’t have to be permanent. He hadn’t asked her to marry him or anything. The way he spoke made it all sound so dramatic and like it was forever, but that would probably die away the minute the shine came off their fantasy. Once they were inhisworld, they’d likely realize they had nothing in common save chemistry and coincidence.
Say yes. Jump, Shiya. See what happens.
She still couldn’t meet his gaze. Hands trembling, she reached for the door knob.
“Don’t.”
“We need coffee,” she muttered, turning away.
Taevas’s hands gripped her waist. He pressed himself against her back. Tension radiated from him in waves. “I don’t need fucking coffee. I need you.”
That hook in her chest gave a painful jerk backwards, pulling her into the safety of his arms. Alashiya’s shaking fingers splayed over his. The thought of never being able to touch him again made that ugly panicked feeling that much stronger. She couldn’t bear to leave Birchdale, but she couldn’t let go of him, either.
“Don’t run,” he whispered into her hair. “Don’t run from this,metsalill.Hide here if you have to, but don’t go where I can’t watch over you.”
