But this was different.
This wasPetra.
Something about the suggestion that he didn’t know how to be a good mate, that he wouldn’t take care of her, made him want to start ripping at the walls. Probably because they were right.
Silas had to consciously unlock the muscles of his jaw before he could reply to Petra with a question of his own. “Are you afraid of me?”
She gave him a narrow-eyed look. “No. Not anymore.”
Her answer settled in him, slow and steady, until its weight sank into the pit of his stomach.
Feeling marginally calmer — a relative thing, considering he’d felt like he was coming out of his skin — he shoved aside the visceral offense he’d taken to his father’s concern.
“You’re mine,” he reminded her, just to make sure that fact was burned into her brain. “You’re safe. Don’t ever think you’re not safe with me, because you are. If anyone tries to hurt you again, I’ll shove a knife into their spinal cord and twist until they dance for you. Clear?”
Petra’s lips popped open with surprise. “That… is a bit much.”
It didn’t feel like a bit much. It felt perfectly proportional to the roar of terror that still filled his ears. It didn’t matter that they’d sat down and had a nice supper together. It didn’t matter that he’d watched his own father stitch her side back together,cell by cell, as the sun rose slowly over the ridge. It didn’t matter that the warmth of her nape was under his palm.
He was afraid.
I almost lost her.
A swell of nausea tried to force its way up his throat, but Silas swallowed it back down.I won’t lose her. Ever.
Petra’s expression softened with wonder. “You’re upset. You’rereallyupset.”
“I don’t like that people think I’m going to hurt you,” he snapped. “I won’t. Why would I? That’d make as much sense as me chopping off my right hand.”
“Because of the bond?” She gave him a searching look. “That’s what all this is about. Right?”
It was a novel thing for him to experience a series of contrasting impulses. Normally, he did whatever came to mind first, consequences be damned, but now he felt torn in several different directions.
On one hand, he wanted to say it had nothing to do with her bond and everything to do with how much he needed her. On the other, that brought up the memory of the damn marriage certificate, and his suspicions about what Vanderpoel wanted from her, so he didvery muchwant her bond.
But it was no longer about his promise to Tal. Sometime between seeing her in that community garden and being fileted by the sound of her sobbing as she thanked him for coming for her in that damn belltower, everything came into sharper focus.
Petra was not just a means to an end. She was his — now and always.
He knew he needed to explain that, but his mind was scattered, his body ruled by a combination of exhaustion and surging hormones. He teetered on the edge of his rut. A new mating right before the season began would have been bad enough, but the danger to her life had ratcheted up the pressure.
It bore down on him like a screaming m-lev, threatening to flatten them both — and he was the only one who could see it coming.
“Silas?” Petra stood up from her chair and laid a cool hand against his brow. “You look like you’re going to be sick. Are you okay?”
She let out a squeak when he snatched her to him. He buried his face in her hair, smelled himself and his shampoo andher.His heart rate slowed. “I don’t want to talk right now,” he mumbled.
He’d never really needed comforting before, so it was an exquisite surprise when Petra’s arms curled around his neck in a warm embrace.
“How long has it been sinceyourested?”
“Dunno.”
“Did you actually sleep at all yesterday?”
He shook his head. Even after he came down from the adrenaline and Petra was safely tucked into his bed, her side once more all smooth, tanned skin, he’d been a wreck. He lay wrapped around her for hours as he listened to her breathe and his parents coming in and out with supplies.
Even knowing that his home was warded to the teeth, he hadn’t been able to rest. What if she stopped breathing? What if he slept so deeply that he missed her calling out for help? What if he failed her again?
