He had to notice that she wasn’t feeding as often, but Atticus hadn’t said anything. He watched her closely, though, with a furrowed brow and lips pressed thin. Truthfully, she wantedhimto ask, to notice. The fact that he said nothing only reinforced the fact that things weren’t as they should be.
He cut her a glance as he expertly navigated his sleek car around a bend in the mountain road. He looked painfully serious when he reminded her, “If anything happens that you don’t like, you call me. I’ll come get you.”
And fix the issue,she silently finished. The weight of guilt pressed in on her lungs.Just like you fix everything.
“Doll.”
She unglued her tongue from the aching roof of her mouth. Putting pressure on her venom gland helped with the discomfort a little, but she knew he expected an answer. “I’ll call if I have any problems.”
“Good. I’m sure it’ll go great, though. I’m picking you up at three, and then I’m taking you out to celebrate.”
Carmine dared to glance at him. A painful jolt rattled her chest whenever she looked at him for too long, but she just couldn’t help herself. “Where?”
He shot her a wolfish smile. “It’s a surprise, doll.”
She had to look away from his smile. The sight of his fangs, the way his eyes crinkled, the pure joy he radiated… Adriana had off-handedly complained about how stoic her brother was, but Carmine didn’t see it. Sure, he often wore a still, borderline surly expression, but to her, he was always soalive.
Tucking her hands under her thighs so she didn’t reach for him, she nodded. “Okay.”
“You’re not gonna try and guess?”
“No.”
“Why? That’s half the fun.”
She had to suck in a breath. It burned all the way down her throat, so rich and delicious that it was a shock to her system. Her stomach, full of sour synth she forced herself to drink, cramped painfully. “You won’t tell me.”
“Well, no, but you could still try.”
“I don’t know any places to even guess,” she reminded him. Seeing the way he winced made her tack on, “Um, a movie? Zia mentioned that you can see them in town, not just in a house.”
His wince faded and was replaced by sharp interest. “Do youwantto see a movie? There are a couple of old-fashioned theatres in Sacramento I can take you to. Not tonight, because there won’t be enough time before sunrise, but soon, if you want.”
She had only vague ideas about what going to a theatre entailed, but he seemed so keen on the idea that she didn’t dare simply shrug. “That sounds fun.”
He nodded. “Good. Yes. We’ll go, then.”
Silence blanketed them. It wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be. She hated that.
Atticus cleared his throat. “Is everything okay? You seem…”
She forced a smile. “I’m okay. Just tired.”
“You didn’t sleep well?” His shoulders tensed. “Is it because you were alone? I’m sorry I didn’t join you yesterday. We’re overhauling some of the security systems and I ended up working late. The sun was up by the time I finished, so I slept in the guard house.”
“It’s fine,”she stressed, hoping he could see she was sincere. “Really, Atticus. It’s not your fault. You have more important things to do.”
“No, I don’t. It’s my job to take care of you,” he argued. “You always sleep well when I’m there, so I’ve gotta be there.”
It’s my job to take care of you.
That frigid feeling settled into her bones. It was cold outside, the world dusted in a thin layer of snow, but in her heart there was nothing but brittle ice.
It was a relief when he dropped her off at the funeral home for her first night of work as an assistant mortician. Part of her was always desperate for an escape from the visceral craving she felt when they were together, but the bigger, louder part of her screamed in mourning when he skimmed his knuckles over her cheek and wished her luck.
Not for the first time, she wondered,How long can I do this?
She didn’t want to leave the estate, but if the craving never went away, she feared Atticus would continue this farce indefinitely. Or worse. Maybe someday soon he’d gently, carefully break the news to her that their relationship had to end. He wouldn’t force her to leave, but the humiliation of wanting another vampire — bad enough on its own — only to have him indulge her out of misplaced obligation, would destroy the precious new world she’d become so attached to.
