Nelly made an indignant sound and then… silence. For several long moments there was only the noise of hot water rushing over dishware and his own heavy breathing.
Then, in a small voice, she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He let out a slow exhale. Wrapping his arms tight around her middle, he drew her back against him, craving as much of her as he could get. “It’s okay, sugar,” he told her. “I’m not upset with you. This stuff is intense. It takes time to adjust. I’m trying to give that time to you, that’s all.”
Her voice went painfully watery when she replied, “Butyoudon’t need that time.” She sniffed hard. Releasing the sponge, it fell into the sink with aplop.Wet, gloved hands clutched at his forearms. “It’s silly. I know it is. We’re already stuck for life so—”
He squeezed her tight, cutting off whatever it was she was about to say. “It’snotsilly. You’ve been hurt, Nelly. Badly. There’s no fucking shame in being cautious or careful or making sure someone is worth your trust.” Clark shook his head. “I’m trying to show you how much I respect that, sugar. I want you toknowyou made the right choice in picking me.”
“Neither of us picked one another,” she argued. “We’re stuck together.Yougot stuck with a messed up mate.”
“Messed up?” He wished he could give her a sharp nip for that, but settled for a deeply disapproving tone. “If you’re messed up, then I’m an insecure airhead.”
A small, fragile elbow landed in his ribs. “Hey, that’s not nice! And not true.”
“Exactly.” Clark hoisted her off her feet, bringing her clothed shoulder within kissing distance. Speaking into her shirt, he said, “You talk about being stuck, but I don’t see it that way. We’re certain. It’s different.”
“Certain?”
“Certain. Means I’m certain about you. I’m certain about waiting for you, if you need me to. I’m certain about how I feel, and I’m certain that howyoufeel matters to me.”
Nelly sniffled again. “I want you, Clark. I do.”
“Then know me, sugar. Be certain with me.” He sighed into her shoulder. “When you’re ready.”
ChapterFourteen
Watching Clark leave fuckingsucked.
Nelly thought a small part of her would be relieved to have her space back, but she realized almost immediately that she didn’t want it. Sheneverhad.
That was what had made her so miserable. She was lonely without someone close by to love and pester and goof around with. She loved hearing his stories about the ranch and that huffy chuckle whenever she replied with an outrageous tale of her own. Her days of being snowed in with Clark were the happiest she’d had in months. Maybe even years.
Without his warm presence, even her tiny home felt too big.
She missed his easy smile. She missed the way he always seemed to be touching her, carefully but possessively, like he couldn’t get enough. She missed his scent. She missed the way he called her sugar and the look in his eyes whenever they headed to bed.
Nelly just…missedhim.
Self-recrimination and worry had rapidly morphed into steadily increasing catastrophizing.What if he doesn’t come back? What if he regrets being my mate?
Stupid,she thought, refusing to acknowledge the approach of sunset as she scrubbed the coffee table with an old rag. With little else to occupy her and her mind going a mile a minute, Nelly had spent the entire day cleaning her home from top to bottom.
She didn’t want to think about how he made no promise that he’d be back soon, nor that he might not come back for days. During their time together, she’d gotten not just comfortable with the idea of spending Moonset with him, butexcitedabout it.
After his departure, she couldn’t help but agonize over whether that would happen at all. She didn’t even care about the holiday in a religious sense, but shedidcare about Clark. If she wasn’t with him, then he’d be alone — and that broke her heart.
He only left because you’re not ready to be mated to him.
Why? Why wasn’t she ready? Her magic was. It called out for him even at that moment, as the bond was stretched thin with the distance between their homes. A deep pang of longing resonated in the pit of her stomach with every heartbeat. Even if she wasn’t already emotionally attached to the orc, they were bound at a soul level. Shecouldn’tbe without him even if she wanted to.
She didn’t want to. ShewantedClark. So what was holding her back?
Cleaning while weeping. Missing my orc because I have commitment issues. No family around for the holidays.Tears stung her eyes, but she scrubbed them away against her shoulder. The rag moved faster, working a lemon-scented cleanser into the wood.And now I’m throwing a damn pity party!
Standing up from her crouched position, she moved around the couch to clean the small, almost hidden table wedged behind it. Sniffing hard, she bit out, “The only reason you’re alone right now is because you’re acoward,Penelope Ortega.”
It wasn’t because she really believed Clark regretted being mated to her. It wasn’t because she honestly thought he was hiding a rotten core from her. It wasn’t because of her past experiences.
