* * *
Though he was exhausted, emotionally and physically, Kaz couldn’t sleep. He clutched Atria to his chest in a deathgrip. She was restless in his arms, muttering with a frown even as she slept, and his heart ached for her.
Stupid,he thought for the thousandth time. She was giving up her dream, had been nothing good to him, and he’d hurt her. Not only that, but heliedto her. It didn’t matter that it was a lie by omission. It didn’t matter that lying was in no small part his job.
The guilt of it raked down his spine like claws on a chalkboard.
On the opposite end of the emotional spectrum, it was a relief to finally see every ugly truth out there. There were no more secrets. Atria knew every awful thing about him, save perhaps the gritty details of his work, and it was like all the weight he’d carried for so long melted off of his shoulders.
She’d dredged the ugliest depths of him hadn’t flinched.
She knew about his mother. She’d met his broken little clan. She knew he’d fucked up their mating from the start, that he’d chosen to stay away and then hidden that fact.
Still, she trusted him. She cared for him. She let him tuck her against his chest and purr for her until she slumbered.
It wasn’t quite forgiveness, but she wasn’t leaving him. He would have followed her if she did. He would have done whatever it took to win her back if she rejected him — not because he literally couldn’t live without her, but because he hated who he was before her. He wouldn’t return to that barren life unless there was absolutely no choice.
It was lucky for both of them that his mate was a soft touch. She would never have to know exactly how far he’d go to keep her because he knew, deep in some fundamental part of him, that Atria would never leave him. Even when they’d fought, he knew it.
We’re a team. I can’t exist without you now. I don’t want to.
Dreams change, she’d said, but had he ever truly dreamed before her?
Kaz rubbed his lips against the silky strands of her hair, breathing her in. The clawing need to cleave to her wasn’t necessarily healthy, but when had he ever been described that way? If possessiveness replaced his low-burning rage, it didn’t sound like too bad of a trade-off.
I’ll keep you safe,he silently promised her in the deep shadows of their partially dismantled nest.I’ll learn to be the mate you need. I’ll fix what I broke. I promise.
A sense of inadequacy was a belt around his chest, pulling tighter with every breath.
Knowing howshe’dfeel about it, he tried not to feel like he’d completely failed her in every aspect. He knew he’d made a critical error at the start of their relationship and he’d feel stupid for that for the rest of his life, but as far as the conference went, there was no shame in their tactical retreat. He’d never felt embarrassed running from a fight in his life.
But he hated disappointing her. Knowing that he’d done so on top of hurting her was an acute sort of misery he’d never experienced before.
He was the spymaster of the EVP. He should have been able to figure this out. He should have been able tofixthis.
Except a spymaster was only as good as his spies, and Kaz had intentionally cut himself off from his team, worried that they would feel compelled to choose between himself and their loyalty to Theodore. Without them, he could only rely on his own abilities and the small portion of his network he could trust with any inquiries.
Nothing.There was nothing to find. No trail.
Norman’s bank accounts had several suspicious deposits, but they all led back to ghost accounts tied to a shell corporation that no longer existed. Whoever paid the late Doctor Chambers had experience covering their tracks, which only worried him more.
They were just two people up against an entity with an alarming amount of money, a lot of motivation, unknown intel, and apparently extensive experience. While he thought there was merit in his grandfather’s plan to put Atria so far out in the open she couldn’t be missed, there was simply too much risk in trying to get her to the conference in one piece.
On the flip side, the beast in him didn’t like the idea of surrendering control over his mate’s safety to Theodore. It was irrational and ugly, but it was impossible for him to dismiss the blistering possessiveness that made him grind his fangs at the thought. Stepping back into the EVP meant he would have to bow to whatever it was his brother felt was necessary to protecthismate.
He didn’t want to fucking do that. He didn’t want to share Atria – especially not now, when things were so fragile between them.
The swarm of conflicting feelings kept him awake for a while, but eventually his ears tuned to the soothing rhythm of Atria’s steady breathing. His mind drifted. Kaz didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep when he was roused by the hair on the back of his neck standing up.
He stiffened, eyes snapping open, and strained to listen for anything abnormal.
The proximity and house alarms hadn’t been triggered. The wards were still, layered one over the other to make a nearly impenetrable net around the home. It would be almost impossible for anyone to get inside without tripping one failsafe or the other.
Even so, his instincts screamed a warning.
He’d barely brushed his fingers against the hilt of his bolt gun, tucked safely on his side of the bed’s stone ledge, when he felt the cool barrel of a rifle kiss the back of his neck.
There hadn’t been so much as a whisper of the curtain around their nest moving. Not a shift in weight as the intruder climbed onto the mattress. Not a scent. Not a breath. Nothing.
