Atria sniffled, glad that he was not vowing revenge on her behalf butlistening,understanding what she’d gone through and how it connected them. “There used to be loads of hereditary orders, but they fell out of fashion in the seventeen hundreds. Burden’s Bonded is one of the last. It’s a title passed from parent to child, usually mother to daughter, but not always. In my family it only gets passed to empaths, and my line is ancient. Famous for the priestesses who’ve served in Sanctuaries all over the world.
“Empathy is something I do without thinking. I have to concentrate at all times tonotfeel what others are going through. You now know a little bit of what that’s like.” She shrugged, helpless. “But the real work of empathy — healing the heartsick — needs to be done one on one. We need to be able to focus on that person, their aura. It’s more than a therapist’s visit. It’s tethering yourself completely to that person to see every dark corner, every bruise, every joy and sorrow. You have tobecomethem. You have togiveyourself to them. Wholly. Completely.”
Kaz didn’t say a word. He held perfectly still behind her, his heart a steady beat against her spine.
Atria’s voice was raw when she continued, “We’re not called Bonded because we’re bound to Burden. He’s taken, right? Glory doesn’t share. We’re called that because we’re bonded toeveryone.It’s a life of constant sacrifice, tethering yourself to those who leave you as soon as the job is done. My mother is renowned for her carnal healing — not just tethering herself, but using sex to create a potent magical, emotional bond to someone she will have to let go. Over and over and over again. It’s beautiful and necessary and— and just not something I could do.”
Kaz let out a soft breath. “Do you mean you’d— Would it be like what we did?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Imagine connecting like that to someone and then having to let them go. Again and again and again.”
She’d never been considered for the carnal arts. Selfish Atria, who couldn’t even stand to let go of those who came to her for surface healing? There was no way she would be allowed to participate in that sacred, precious rite. There was no way she could have survived it.
Truly, it was a blessing in disguise. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though. It always would.
Atria shook her head, her heart aching for the poor, desperate girl she used to be. “Looking back, I always wanted to be something else. Free, to start. Loved. Cherished. I wanted someone tostay.”
“And no matter how hard you tried, you never could make yourself fit the mold,” he murmured.
“No. I couldn’t.”
He dropped a reverent kiss to the slope of her shoulder. Whispering into her skin, he declared, “I’m so proud of you, Atria. For choosing the path that was right for you rather than caging yourself to please someone else. For making therightchoice.”
“I’m proud of you too, Kaz.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a good man,” she replied, reaching up to skim her fingers through his hair. “I don’t think you had to be. I think the easier path would have been to be angry and lash out, but you grew into someone good anyway. Someone who cares so deeply it scares you. Someone who would sacrifice anything to help the people you love. That takes courage.”
“Maybe it does.” His voice was thick and his breathing a little choppy when he added, “Whatever it took, I’d do it all over again just to be here with you.”
Atria looked into the fire. The flames danced over the logs, hopping from one place to another in streams of orange, red, and white. Warmth bathed her front and radiated from her mate against her back.
A sensation of heaviness settled over her — a certainty that there would be no turning back, no second chances. Her path had changed.
Speaking softly, she replied, “For you, I think I’d give up anything.”
ChapterThirty-Seven
They didn’t leavethe homestead for days.
Atria would have liked to say that it was days of nothing but sex and intimacy, but that would have only been a partial truth. While theydidspend the better part of every day either in the nest, the bath, or on any available flat surface fucking until they could no longer move,mostly Atria slept.
The days of non-stop hits and grief had sucked something vital out of her, pushing her into an exhaustion she hadn’t experienced since her days of multiple jobs and grad school.
It was as if she’d been running on pure adrenaline and now that she was safe, her body and mind were forced to shut down in order to recuperate.
“You aren’t built for this,” Kaz assured her when she woke up groggy and distressed from her fifth — or sixth, or tenth — nap. “Princess, almostno oneis. Rest. I’ll take care of things.”
But she felt guilty for resting, for indulging in the sensual bliss that was Kaz’s touch, for doing anything other than worry about Ruby. Atria wanted to summon some great burst of energy to launch herself into finding a solution to their problems and rescuing her friend, but she just couldn’t.
It felt like she’d been knocked down and no longer had the strength to stand back up.
There was the crushing weight of grief weighing her down, too. Not just for the Norman she thought she knew and loved, but for her life’s work, all the good she wanted to do.
Atria couldn’t say it. She couldn’t even form the words in her mind, let alone express them to her mate, but she knew their quest to get her to the conference was over.
She couldn’t risk Kaz’s safety, nor do more damage to his relationship with his brother, who she’d come to learn was her mate’s closest friend. She couldn’t present the breakthrough without Ruby. She couldn’t eventhinkof it.
