Had she been created broken? Was that why she could not read an expression, articulate a thought, easily traverse the culture she found herself in?
Some days, she hid in the room her family had given her, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to will herself into a different shape — somethingbetter. Other days, she dematerialized and was a streak of light, free of structure for a moment before the loneliness came back with force.
Because, for all that she was often overwrought and confused, Helelikedher dragons.
She did not have a concept of kindness until they treated her with it. She did not know love until they welcomed her into the clan with open wings. She did not know acceptance until her adopted mother sat with her on the edge of the perch attached to their roost and drew her strange new daughter into her arms as if she had always held claim to that sacred space.
She did not know longing,truelonging, until she met Vael. And she would not trade any of that for a return to the infinite.
So she adapted.
Despair would not defeat her. Hele would not allow herself to squander the opportunity she had been given. If she wanted to speak to the people around her, to know her new world, then she had to find a way to do it.
Her family quickly organized a tutor to teach her their language — an eclectic mix of English, Estonian, and an ancient dragonish tongue that, though long dead, still shadowed much of their formal dealings. The formal teaching was only a supplement to her constant observation of those around her, however. She listened to everything, she mouthed the words until they made sense, and she found a way to get her answers when those new syllables failed her. Shelearned.
It was a huge relief to discover that she could, in fact, pick up the words easily. There was nothingwrongwith her other than ignorance borne of newness. Though the dragons were shocked by the speed at which she learned, Hele felt herself moving at a glacial pace.
How can I live if I cannot ask questions? If I cannot know these people?
The process was often frustrating, embarrassing, and seemed to stall more than accelerate, but she forced herself through every barrier that presented itself with pure, electrified will.
It took six months for her to gain fluency, and then another six to adequately master reading and writing. Every spare moment was spent bent over a tablet, studying until her eyes blurred, and since she did not sleep, spare moments were plentiful.
It helped that her family treated her no differently than anyone else. They talked to her constantly, made space for her in their lives automatically, and pushed her to try new things.
They accepted her, and guided her, and when the time was right, they formally made her a member of Clan Aždaja.
She only had a few broken sentences at her disposal when her Isand, the formidable Taevas, threw a small party in the garden below his massive spire in her honor. She had been with them three months.
She had been nervous around so many unknown faces — dragons of the Clan, their mates, children, guards,Vael— but her family had been there, and her pride was a living thing, and she would not shame herself by shrinking before the crowd.
So she walked naked to meet her Isand on his polished wood throne, a relic from the Old Country, and she met his gaze steadily when he raised her chin with a single claw. A smile kicked up one corner of his mouth, deepening the laugh line there, when her nervousness transmuted into sparks that danced between them.
“You are strong and unique,” he told her, eyes dancing in the light of the blue dragonfire that wreathed his throne. “You are not a dragon, but you have a dragon’s pride, a dragon’s strength.” His violet eyes slid over her shoulder for an instant before they came back to her, sly. “You have a dragon’s heart. You are aflawlessaddition to this clan.”
Though she only understood every third or fourth word, Hele felt a great, throbbing tenderness for her Isand. She knew what he meant.I am accepted.
She could feel all the eyes of the clan on her naked back when he announced, “I, Taevas Aždaja, Isand of the Draakonriik and leader of the Aždaja clan, welcome you, our beautiful Hele, to our family. May you bring honor to our name and burn bright enough for all to see.”
Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned forward, close enough to kiss, and breathed out a puff of ice cold, blue flame. It danced along her lips, her cheeks, her nose, the paper-thin skin of her eyelids, before it vanished, leaving only a prickling sort of cold in its wake.
Taevas pressed the lightest, skimming kiss to her lips before he straightened once more. He looked proud and terrifying in the blue light. Broad-shouldered, dressed in richly embroidered silk and velvet, his horns a menacing arch over a head of long, black hair, he was the most magnificent dragon she had ever seen.
But he did not make her heart race, or her mind quiet, or the world stop spinning. Onlyonedragon did that.
When he grasped her shoulders and spun her around to face the crowd, he boomed, “Welcome our newest clanmate:Hele Varvaara Aždaja!”
And then her dragons threw back their heads and roared with welcome. Fire danced, alcohol flowed, well-wishers pressed kisses to her cheeks and babies flew clumsily into her lap for attention. Her clan rejoiced. Some dark ache she had carried for eons began to ease.
All the while, her dark-eyed dragon stood on the fringe of the merriment, his wings back and his gaze, proud and full of warmth, locked on her. He was not Clan Aždaja, but the fluttering in her stomach told her he belonged to her anyway.
* * *
Days passed. Months. Then a year. Every moment she lived, her time as somethingmoregot dimmer, the eons of memory sifting away like ash on the wind. She settled, and grew, and she began to yearn again.
With the clan’s influence, she often felt far moredragonthan elemental. Mostly that was a good thing, but sometimes she chafed under the rules and social structure that felt foreign to her very core.
Her need for independence increased every day. She lacked the same instincts as the dragons and often did not understand why they did certain things like staying in one place all their lives, or rigorously following a clan hierarchy. Occasionally her family looked at her like they were as baffled by her as she was by them, but it was not often enough to make her feel like an outsider.
