“You’re safe, they can’t hurt you,” he says.
They can, they already have. I hurt everywhere and I don’t know how to express it. My tongue feels heavy and all I want to be is sedated so I don’t feel like this.
Sterling is saying more soothing words, but they all sound muffled, like we’re underwater. I’m pretty sure I’m crying and I don’t know how to make it stop.
When we get back to the house, I'm still wearing Nate's shirt and as we reach my nest door, I know I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
"You—you said that if I didn't want you in the nest you wouldn’t come in?" I ask my voice thick and raspy as I look down at the floor.
"You don't want us in there?" Hayes says in the saddest voice.
I shake my head; I don't deserve them. I'm not worth anything.
"Are you sure, Hailey? Did we scare you back there?" Nate asks, and I shake my head.
Sterling takes a deep breath, his hand touching my forehead. "Alright, but one of us will be up here in half an hour to check on you, okay?"
I nod, slipping through the door of the nest. It smells so much like Nate and Sterling in here, and it's beautiful. But I don't deserve it.
I thought maybe it was the Alphas I was dating that they just weren't good men. But now I realize it's me who's broken. I always have been, haven't I? I wish I would have never designated and I could go back to disappearing in the background.
Sniffling, I grab a few extra blankets and pillows, creating a cocoon that I can crawl into, my body completely cocooned in softness.
Cramps wreck my stomach and I whimper. But it's what I deserve, right? I'm not worthy of love, of this pack, of this fucking nest.
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
I sob into the blankets, my breathing labored as waves of heat flush over my skin.
They got hurt because of me, and I wasn't worth it. Maybe if I would have just put my pride to the side and left the club earlier, this would've never happened. I'm chastising myself over and over as more pain hits me.
I don’t know what I need, but whatever it is I’ll just have to get through it alone. Instead of facing reality, I turn on my phone and put on the one thing that always soothes me.
CHAPTER 20
NATE
I glancedown at my phone, checking the time. We said we’d give her a half hour.
“I think she’s starting her heat. She isn’t thinking clearly,” Sterling says, running his hand over his chin. “Everything that happened at the club probably has her second guessing everything. I was trying to comfort her in the car and it was like she wasn’t even hearing me.”
“I’ll be back soon,” Hayes says abruptly, grabbing his keys.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Sterling says in his deep Alpha voice.
“If she’s going into heat, we need to be ready. Isn’t it my job as the pack Beta to be the levelheaded one and make sure everyone is taken care of?”
Sterling eyes him suspiciously, but eventually raises his hands in surrender.
“An hour. You better be home in an hour,” he says, and Hayes nods before he’s strolling out the door.
“I’ll go check on her,” I say, knowing that it’s five minutes early.
“Areyouokay?” Sterling asks, like he’s just now realizing this all goes beyond Hailey. I was almost in a pack with those guys. Those fucking assholes that made Hailey cry, that have her rethinking everything. I’m no stranger to their judgment, and I’m sure Hailey isn’t either, but it still stings.
“Honestly? Better than I thought I’d be when I saw them again. Seeing Hailey upset is what has me more worked up than anything.”
“You’re sure?” Sterling asks, and it feels like for the first time, I’m the one consoling him.
