“Was anything too much?”
“No. But I might change my mind tomorrow when I can’t sit down comfortably.”
He laughs, his fingers still petting down my fly away hairs and I wonder how much I should share with him, if we should talk about anything personal. Logically, I know what he’s doing right now is the standard for anyone who was in our position, making sure that I’m okay. That’s the whole point of Avalon, having sex with no strings attached, or coming here with your partner.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Hmm?” he says, his eyes closed as he rests his head on the headboard, giving me a glimpse of his strong jaw and Adam’s apple. His dark hair is messy. He truly looks like a painting.
It’s been nearly two years since I stepped foot into my own studio, but as I look at him now, I see it. I envision the composition, the colors I’d use and what I have in mind. The idea of painting him has butterflies flapping in my stomach and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
“What was your question?” Ben asks, glancing down at me. His eyes that look more green pinning me, making me feel raw.
“How are you able to switch it on and off?” I ask him, and his throat bobs when he licks his lips.
“I don’t know, how do you turn it on and off?” he asks with a smirk.
I smile back at him, knowing he has a point. Though, I don’t feel like there are two sides of myself like I feel like there is with Ben. Every time we’re together, it’s almost like I’m with a different person. Maybe he’s just special, because I don’t know many men who can switch from top to bottom so effortlessly.
“I’m not sure. Last time we were together was the first time I did something like that. I really enjoyed it, but I also loved this too.”
Honesty is good. Exploring your sexuality is all about the harsh truths and not being ashamed.
He doesn’t say anything for a long time, and I almost consider getting up and getting re-dressed when he finally speaks.
“You looked upset when you came here tonight. Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, surprising me.
Instead of looking into his too-handsome-for-this-world face, I stare at the dark hair on his massive thigh. Wasn’t I just thinking about what the line of sex club etiquette and getting too personal is?
“You remember how I told you I just got divorced when we met at your bar?”
“Yeah,” he says, because he knows I won’t look at him to see if he’s nodding.
“I ran into him today, him and his new wife. He got her pregnant while we were still married. I mean, we had problems well before then, but it was a knife in the back. That’s not the point, but back when he was starting the business, I was his biggest investor, and still am. He’s been hounding at me everyturn to sell my portion of the company back. I keep refusing, mostly to get under his skin, I think, but tonight was different.”
“Why?” he asks, no longer petting my hair, but resting his hand on my waist.
“It felt like he was threatening me if I didn’t comply. Part of me thinks I should just sell him the shares so that there’s no link between us. But the other part of me is just so angry. I gave him everything. Without me, he wouldn’t have that company, so why shouldn’t I keep them? I paid for them not only with money but my entire youth. Hell, he’s been the only man I’d ever been with until that night at your bar.”
His body stiffens, and I wince.
Fuck, I was really going to take that to the grave.
“What?”
I pop off from his lap and blink at him. I worry that he’ll be turned off, but it mostly seems like surprise, and maybe some guilt?
“Please don’t make it weird,” I say, and he shakes his head.
“I’m not making it weird.”
“You look like you’re making it weird,” I say, pointing at his confused face.
He raises his hands in surrender before grabbing my face and bringing me in for a soft kiss. I realize then that it’s the first time he’s kissed me tonight.
“I was just thinking that you’re extraordinarily lucky to have me fuck you first post-divorce. So many women don’t find good dick till the fifth or tenth guy,” he says and I shove his chest.
“Oh, great, so you’re also full of yourself.”
