“Yes, you’re technically the CEO. Your last name is on the sign, but I do own fifty-five percent. Which is a fact that didn’t bother you our entire marriage. You never offered to buy me out then. Give me one good reason why I should sell now?”
“Goddamn it, Kate, this isn’t a fucking joke. This is my life. Sell the fucking shares and be rid of me completely. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“My lawyer and business manager handle everything. I’m not involved in Dennis Commercial. Truly, there’s no reason for us to ever have to see each other, besides the fact you keep showingup places where I just so happen to be. Now, I’d like to finish my meal in peace,” I say, trying to turn my body.
His grip on my arm tightens more, and I swallow thickly.
“Sir, I think it’s best you take a step away,” Botan says, glancing at Will and then back at me.
“I’m going to make you regret this,” Will whispers low in my ear, and I try to keep a neutral face as he storms off with a petulant walk over to his new wife, who’s still glaring at me.
I refuse to let him dig his way under my skin and make me feel like a scared little girl. But even with my best attempt, a sense of worry fills me.
Will wasn’t physically abusive. There was just one time things got out of hand, and we worked through it. But the fact is, he is capable of hurting me. Just because it was one time doesn’t mean that it couldn’t happen again, especially now that there aren’t romantic feelings between us.
I feel anxious and out of control, and all I want to do is dissociate. I want to forget what happened tonight, but I also don’t want to go home and be left with my thoughts, this loneliness consuming me even further.
I get a to-go box for the rest of my sushi, even though I probably won’t eat the other half in the fear that it’s no longer safe to eat, but not getting the food to-go makes me feel like an asshole. I pay my check, and when I’m leaving the restaurant, I can feel eyes on me, but I don’t look back. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let him know that his words bothered me or that I’m scared of him.
Tomorrow, I’ll call my lawyer, Carl, and see what he suggests. A restraining order seems severe, but his words have me on edge.
When I pull out of the parking lot, I don’t have a place in mind. I just know I’m not ready to go home. Why does Will have to ruin everything? I just wanted to enjoy a night out by myselfand eat at my favorite place. Why does it feel like I’m constantly the one being punished for his mistakes?
My grip on the steering wheel is tight, as I take deep breaths in and out, trying to figure out how I can calm down after the altercation tonight. I want someone to hold me, to take care of me and to take this horrible feeling of fear away from me. I’m not sure if it’s my subconscience or a desperate need for a safe space, but I make a decision, turning left instead of right. It only takes about ten minutes until I’m parking in Avalon’s garage.
My dress is probably too casual, and I don’t have much makeup on, but I still meet the required dress code. At least I didn’t cry on the car ride over here, I won’t deny that I thought about it. But hasn’t Will stolen enough of my tears already?
I know who I came here for, which is ridiculous. I barely know the man and I consider him a source of comfort?
There’s a good chance Ben isn’t even here tonight, and I’ll have to cross that bridge if that’s the case. It’s not that I’m not open to being with another man, because I am, I think. It’s just that I know how he can switch roles, just like me.
Right now I could absolutely use the relief of having decisions taken away from me. I need him to be the guy that took control and bent me over his desk all those months ago.
Most of all, I need out of my own fucking head. I give myself a once over in the mirror, adding some more chapstick, before I get out of my car and head to the entrance where I swipe my membership card.
I take a deep breath in. The club always seems to smell like a mix of clove and vanilla as I glance around the bar searching for the handsome face that seems to haunt me. The place is busy tonight, sharp dressed men, and women in short dresses. It takes a few moments, I’m almost to the point where I believe that he isn’t here, when I finally spot him. I take a relievingbreath, until I notice that he’s smiling and talking to another woman.
Fuck, what’s the protocol at a sex club? Are men first come first serve? Do I even have the balls to walk over there and say something? Would he even want me to?
Sure, the last time we were together he said he was interested in a repeat, but what if he only wants a repeat where I’m topping him? Right now, tonight? I’m not capable of it.
Joining Avalon was supposed to take the stress out of fucking, but right now I feel completely on edge. Honestly, I feel like crying out of frustration, but I won’t do that. I’ll just slowly back out of Avalon, get back into my car, stop at a liquor store on the way home, and masturbate all night long.
Truly, that should’ve been plan A instead of coming here. I feel so stupid.
I’m slowly trying to make my escape, when eyes that look more green today meet mine. For whatever reason they don’t seem happy to see me, and that just wrecks my confidence.
God, Kate, there’s no crying in a sex club.
11
HANDCUFFED GUILT
Tamara is chatting away,as I sip my scotch, waiting for Ben to get here. As promised, he’s on coverage duty of anyone who calls out, and sure enough, another captain called out.
It will probably take him over an hour to get here, and we don’t even know if Kate will show up here or not. We’ve been coming here nearly every night hoping that she’ll show up and we can set everything straight.
I still don’t think I’ve truly let myself come to terms with what Ben did. He’s been beating himself up so much; I don’t see the point in adding to his guilt. We’ll get this all sorted and we’ll move on.
