It feels safer.
As badly as I want to get up and go get a soft pretzel covered in cinnamon and sugar, I sit here and wait to board. I don’t want to risk bumping into anyone, or missing my flight, even if I’m here two hours early.
Instead, I take out my iPad and draw. Art was always how I calmed myself down, whether it was drawing, coloring, crocheting. Something about the act of using my hands and focusing on a craft project helps me forget about the messy world around me.
Even if right now all I feel like doing is crying and having a pity party of epic proportions.
Crying over flying commercial, over not being loved, over being such a fucking idiot.
Two years. I gave those assholes two years of my heats, my comfort, and my love. Sure, they took care of me financially—I wanted for nothing.
But they didn’t love me. I wasn’t their first choice. I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. I get back to the cactus I’m drawing, trying to not let old feelings of abandonment resurface.
I sniffle and wipe my face, I feel like such a fool. All the signs were there and I just ignored all the red flags like a needy, stupid Omega.
Two years? Two fucking years? That’s an unheard amount of courting time. Most Alphas are so possessive over their Omegas that the idea of not bonding them is unfathomable.
What was it about me that they didn’t want to bond with me?
I stiffen as a woman sits next to me, a Beta.Safe. She’s safe. She glances down at my iPad, but doesn’t say anything for a long moment.
“It’s fucked up they make you wear those badges,” she says and I can’t help the upturn of my lip.
She’s definitely not from California, not only did her accent give her away, but the fact she sat down and spoke to me at all.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I reply.
“Like, what’s the fuckin’ point of having you wear scent blockers if they’re just going to mark you as an Omega anyway?”
I shrug and she squints at me.
“Wait. Do I know you?”
I shake my head and she really stares at my face, trying to place me. I see her Smash Knot shirt, and wince. I drew that design for them for free, and my stupid ass didn’t ask for royalties or payment.
How was I so freaking blind?
“Wait. Hold the fuck up. You’re Smash Knot’s Omega companion, aren’t you?”
Omega. Companion.
It should’ve been the first huge red flag waving in my face when they wouldn’t commit, but my stupid ass didn’t see it.
“Not anymore,” I whisper.
“Good for you. Fuck ‘em.”
I glance over at the Beta next to me, her honey brown eyes search mine and part of me wants to hug her. No one else even considered that I was the one who made the decision to break up, all the online forums speculated that they dropped me.
Yet, this perfect stranger realized that I was better off from the separation. I feel seen, and it’s the most validated I’ve felt since walking into the airport.
“Thank you,” I reply, and she gives me a nod, before putting on her headphones and ignoring me completely.
Fuck. I can’t wait to finally be back home.
Maybe it’s my anxiety, maybe it’s the hope that she’ll give a shit, but I decide to text my mom. All I’ve ever wanted was for her to actually give a shit. Maybe now that I’m not an annoying child and an adult things could change. Maybe she’d come visit me and Gran; it’s been about a year since the last time I saw her, and even then, her focus was on getting to know my Alphas, not catching up with me.
Hey, mom. I just wanted to let you know that I’m headed back to Philly to live with Gran.
