She unlocks the room of Naughty or Nice and we enter. I’ve been here many times for my job, but I usually stick to the naughty books to figure out the best way to scare children.
“Up,” she demands as I grab her and place her on my shoulder.
She scrolls through some tomes until she picks out a massive pink ledger. I place her on the desk, and she flips through the pages.
“Cupids are always on the good list—with only a few exceptions,” Calanis says, flipping through the list until she finds Candy’s name. “Ah. Your cupid is a romantic. This is no surprise to Calanis. Look, this is her dream,” Calanis says, pointing at the words.
“How the fuck am I supposed to get that to Cupidale?” I ask her.
She pinches me hard, and then lightly slaps the same spot.
“No cursing in the Naughty or Nice room, Claw. I know just who will help us.”
“Who?”
“Mrs. Klaus,” Calanis says with a big grin, grabbing my hand and portaling us to Santa’s mansion.
The Klaus mansion is what you would expect, a winter wonderland in its own right. Calanis doesn’t even knock, she just opens the door and leads me through the massive foyer, a gigantic Christmas tree with warm white lights wrapped around it. The ornaments are red and each is decorated with an elves portrait.
“Calanis’ ornament is on the top of the tree,” she says proudly.
“Of course it is,” I reply as we reach Mrs. Klaus’ office. Calanis knocks as a friendly voice greets us.
Mrs. Klaus’ white hair is down in long waves; she’s working on small quilts, which I assume are a gift for the elves.
“Krampus, what a lovely surprise,” she says with a warm smile, and I can’t help but return it.
The North Pole is the only place that doesn’t make me feel like a monster. I suppose that’s not completely true. Mortem and Candy don’t treat me like I’m evil, either.
“Mrs. Klaus,” I say, tipping my head.
“Calanis and Claw need a favor, a Christmas Miracle, if you will,” Calanis says.
The older woman’s smile widens as she listens to Calanis’ plan and leads us outside in the snow to the stables.
Once everything is brought to Cupidale I expect Calanis to leave.
“You think Calanis is going to miss this?” she says, holding the reins as she twists her wrist, sending the doors of the banquet hall flying open, causing everyone to gasp when they look in our direction.
I take a deep breath, and my eyes connect with Candy’s. Mortem’s hands are on her hips, but they fall as he takes in the grand gesture.
“Candy, darling, your chariot awaits!” I say in a booming voice.
Her cheeks flush as all the cupids and reapers look at her in shock. Most of the cupids are swooning and the reapers look confused and practically mortified. How some of them have landed cupids of their own is beyond me. Most of them seem ridiculously emotionally stunted.
Mortem places a hand on her lower back and leads her to the exit, where her wide eyes take in everything as she glances up at me.
“What…how?” she says.
“With Calanis’ help,” Calanis interrupts. “Hello, I am Claw’s best friend. It is most lovely to meet you. Now hop in for your romantic ride. The tall, angry one can stay here, unless you wishfor him to tag along,” Calanis says, and I have to hold back a laugh.
“They can both come,” Candy says.
I extend my hand and Candy takes it, stepping carefully into the massive sleigh where Calanis is holding the reins of two huge Clydesdales.
Candy, being the sweetheart that she is, acknowledges Calanis first.
“It’s lovely to meet a friend of Krampus. Thank you for this.”
