“I’m Head Reaper; I don’t grovel.”
Krampus sighs, removing his arm from my shoulders, and the loss of the simple affection feels…frustrating.
“No grovel, no cupid. So, are you going to be this somber asshole for the rest of your days, not allowing yourself the one thing you truly want? Or are you going to get over yourself, stop being a mopey dark lord, and help me win the cupid of our dreams?”
I inhale sharply and look into Krampus’ dark eyes. His irises are nearly the same color as his pupils and it’s unsettling in an attractive way I’d rather not discuss.
“I’m in. What do we do first?”
Krampus scratches the base of one of his horns, and I roll my eyes.
“You don’t have a plan, do you?” I ask.
“I conceptually know how to grovel, but I’m not sure how to execute it.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Unfortunately, I think I know someone who can help us.”
“Oh?” Krampus says.
“This isn’t going to be pleasant.”
“Mortem, Krampus, I’m so glad you two could join the festivities. What do you think of the place? It’s a winter wonderland made of love, isn’t it? Gosh, I just love the holidays so much. Is there something I can help you with?” Love asks in her annoyingly sweet voice.
Her partner, Death, one of my best reapers, stands behind her, looking very uncomfortable with the fact that I’m talking to his girlfriend. At least this part of the plan is enjoyable.
I do really like making people uncomfortable.
“Yes, thank you for inviting us, Interim Head Cupid,” I say.
“Of course, how could I not? All beings of the veil are welcome to our parties. It’s important to be inclusive, plus the number of love matches to be made at these things just gets me going, you know?”
“Love,” Death whisper hisses her name.
Love just shrugs, completely ignoring her imposing reaper as she looks Krampus and me up and down.
“I imagine you’re here because you need help to get Candy back?” Love says, reading us both like a book.
“We’re not sure where to start,” Krampus admits, and I’m thankful because I’d really rather walk away from this conversation and spend the rest of my days miserable than ask for help.
“Well, you two really hurt her feelings. Plus, with the amount of time that’s lapsed, well…your apology needs to be vast.”
“I did apologize,” Krampus retorts, and Love clicks her tongue.
“That’s cute, but you can’t just say sorry I made you feel something for the first time in centuries and then abandon the poor girl. Maybe if only one of you had done it, it wouldn’t be so bad. But both of you? What were you thinking?”
Krampus and I look away from the tiny, fearsome cupid as she taps her chin in contemplation.
“Words are great, but actions mean more. Show her that you care: grand gestures, gifts, real assurances with cold hard facts to prove your promises. Words aren’t going to get you out of this one. Candy is a special cupid, and she deserves to be wooed, because I tell you what, looking the way she does tonight, she won’t have any problem getting someone else’s attention.” Love adds that little jab at the end. “Also, if you can’t be the men she deserves, I suggest you both leave Cupidale and don’t return. Playing with a woman’s heart is strictly against code 25b in mynew policy. Now, I need to go greet our new guests,” she says, putting her chin high in the air and walking away.
Death pinches his lips together, and then he sighs, like he’d rather be anywhere than giving us advice. “When Love was mad at me, I had to make a grand gesture. Candy is used to being in the background. Make her the center of attention,” the reaper says before walking away.
I decide then to make his life a little less miserable.
Slow music starts, and I look over at Krampus, who looks like his brain is working overtime.
“Go, get her some gifts. I’ll work on a gesture,” I tell him and he nods, a small smile taking over his face.
“I know just the place,” he says before he pops out of existence.
