He supports my weight as we both fall down into the snowy sand and watch Max’s head float in our direction.
“No,” I call out, and Ethan holds me tightly, his own body shaking with sobs.
The amount of despair I feel in this moment is like my heart is being yanked out of my chest. The promises of everything that we could have been slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.
Bram wasn’t even thirty.
He had so much life to live, so much love to give.
I need him. Ethan and I both need him. How in the fuck can I go on without him? Without the Alpha who purrs so loud for me it rattles comfort every time I’m with him. The man who can be closed off to others but opens up to me.
This can’t be happening.
It’s all my fault for feeling sick. I should have sat in the front seat. I know I get motion sickness.
Bram is gone, and it’s all my fucking fault.
My chest convulses, and I feel like I’m going to die. Even if I don’t, I can’t help but feel like I wish I was dead. How can I live without Bram? How can I live with this being all my fault?
“Lo-ok,” Ethan shivers, pointing out to the river.
I use my shaking, nearly purple hands to wipe my eyes.
Max is using one arm to swim, and his other is wrapped around… Bram.
Bram isn’t swimming, though. He’s just floating next to Max.
I take another step into the river, and Ethan pulls me back. The sound of sirens become piercing as the fire department parks on the bridge and by the shore we’re on.
They’re speedy as they rapidly go over plans, and the ambulances and EMTs join the fray.
Max still seems so fucking far away, and I can’t see how Bram is doing. Why isn’t he awake in this freezing cold water?
A silver, crinkly blanket is placed over my shoulders, and I clutch it to my chest.
“Miss, come with us,” he says, and I shake my head.
I need to see Bram pulled out of that river—I need to know that he’s alright.
“Miss. Your chances of hypothermia are higher the longer you stay out here. We need to take you to the hospital.”
I shake my head, tears not even coming out of my eyes anymore because I’m so cold.
Ethan grabs my face, his fingers cold as ice. “We-e have t-o. Br-am w-w-ould want y-y-ou to go,” he says.
I shake my head even though he’s right.
The firefighters are putting on waders and making their way out to Max and Bram. Ethan’s hold on my face tightens.
“Pl-ease,” he begs me.
When I glance over, I see there are multiple ambulances lined up, and it’s the only reason I decide to go.
I’m no good to Max or a recovering Bram if I don’t get help myself—I refuse to think otherwise—he has to be okay.
They place Ethan and me in the same ambulance, warming our skin and hooking us up to IVs. The whole ride to the hospital, my mind wanders to how they are doing and the worst possible scenarios.
Ethan and I stay close the entire time. They even give us a room together as they use warmers and continue our warmed saline drips. They take blood, and Ethan turns on the TV to see if there are any updates or coverage.
