Our pretty, unobtainable cousin. That’s my problem.
21
WHISKEY JOE’S
Jessa and I are laughing,drinking too many margaritas and enjoying the outside bar when Aiden calls her phone and I ignore it, looking around at the people dancing in the sand, swaying in my seat to the beat of the music the live band is playing.
Maybe we did go a little hard and heavy on the margaritas with too little food. But fuck it, this has been the best I’ve felt since the last night Jessa and I hung out. If only I could tell her everything, it would be a relief to have a friend’s point of view on this, not just my therapist’s.
But I’m too scared of what she might think. I’m too scared of what everyone would think if they found out what Lincoln and I did. I’ve finally got a good friend. The last thing I want is to be judged for what I did by accident… and then on purpose.
God. I take a deep swig of my margarita in an attempt for the tequila to disrupt my nerve endings and make all these feelings go away.
Why are longing and regret at the forefront of my mind? I miss Lincoln, and I hate that I do. It’s not even just sex, I misshis smiles, his jokes, his touch. I miss everything about him and I wish I didn’t.
Jessa nearly shakes me, in order to get my attention. “Penny, Aiden is trying to decide whether to drop Lincoln off first or come and get us.”
I blink at her a few times. “He’s with Lincoln?” she nods and fuck, I know I shouldn’t see him. But the part of me that still desperately wants him doesn't agree. It’s probably the margaritas making the decisions but oh well. “Tell him to pick us up first.”
“Did you hear that?” she says down the phone, while Aiden replies “Okay. See you soon.”
I start biting my nails. Oh fuck. Why did I tell him to bring Lincoln? I can’t see him like this. I’ll cave.
“Everything good, Pen?” Jessa asks.
“Yeah, maybe too many margaritas?”
“Let’s get some water and wait till Aiden gets here.”
I nod and Jessa grabs us some water and we sit by the bay and wait for Aiden and Lincoln to get here.
“So tell me more about the family. I haven’t met a partner’s family before,” Jessa says nervously.
“You have no reason to be nervous. They’ll all love you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because Aiden adores you, I adore you. That’s all you need,” I say with a smile.
“It’s just new, you know. I’m not used to how easy and fast this is all going.”
“When you know, you know,” I tell her and she smiles.
“Oh, there they are,” Jessa says, pointing to where Aiden and Lincoln are headed towards us. Lincoln looks pissed as hell.Perfect.
“Oh fuck,” I whisper as Aiden takes a seat next to Jessa, and Lincoln sits next to me.
“Water?” Lincoln asks me and I give him a look that I’m sobering up. “Good.”
Lincoln stares as Aiden kisses Jessa on the head and I know it’s longing. It makes my gut churn with guilt.
Because I understand that longing more than I’d like to admit. I shouldn’t want to kiss Lincoln right now, but I do. I want him in every way I know that I possibly can’t.
Why is it so fucking hard wanting what you can’t have?
“Jessa, you’ve met my brother,” Aiden says, and I can hear how annoyed he is with his brother’s behavior. I’m even more frustrated because I know I’m the reason he’s been drinking.
I hate it.
