“You’re so full of fucking shit. Is this about some woman?”
No, it’s about the woman I should be with right now, but we just so happen to have a complicated family tree.
“I’m fine, Aiden.”
“No, you’re not. I know a thing or two about not being okay, Lincoln.”
I look away from my computer and over at him. He’s basically handing me a life preserver, but I’m in too deep. I’m drowning in this need and there’s nothing Aiden or anyone else can do to prevent me from drowning.
“I promise. I’m good.”
He sighs and stands up from his chair.
“When you decide you’re not fine, I’ll be there.”
He leaves my office and I go back to work, trying to drown out all these feelings I wish would go away.
Another Saturdaywithout Penny in my bed feels like a fucking crime. I feel like shit as I leave to go grab my food for the evening, which I will be eating alone, like some crotchety old man with no friends.
Penny makes me want to be better. Fuck, I’ll buy a pair of Reeboks and learn to be nicer to people if that’s what she wants.
I’m leaving the apartment building and I see Penny standing in the lot. She’s wearing a dark blue sundress with her hair in a messy bun.
Fuck, she’s so beautiful.
Wait? Why does she look so nice and where the fuck is she going?
A black SUV rolls around the lot, a handsome man rolling down the window and smiling at her before she gets in.
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
Instead of going and getting take out, I drive down to the bar we all used to get wasted at when we were all home from college.
A date? Could she seriously be going on a date right now?
I’m not an idiot. I know Penny could land any guy she wanted. She’s my person. It wouldn’t make sense for me to be hers. Doesn’t make me any less selfish, wanting to hoard her away for myself.
But she told me that I needed to move on, that we couldn’t do this.
How the fuck am I supposed to move on? I hadn’t even moved on from my last fucked-up relationship; I don’t think there’s any working past this.
I order drink after drink, wanting to feel numb.
Deep down I know I use alcohol too much, so I don’t have to feel, but right now I truly don’t even fucking care.
The idea of Penny laughing with some asshole on a date makes my stomach churn.
“Seat taken?” A woman asks and I wave at the seat. “Party for one, I guess?” she jokes.
I laugh sardonically and roll my eyes.
“What an asshole,” she says to her friend and I order another drink.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I groan, digging it out and seeing my brother’s name.
Ignore.
He calls three more times until I finally give up and answer the fucking thing.
