I’ll beout of the office for three days and the weekend to make sure everything goes smoothly and report back to Krystal.
Before I leave, I’m having dinner with Jessa at her house. Well, her and Aiden’s house. She’s still been a little out of it, but every time I come and visit, she seems to be getting better and better.
I knock on Aiden’s door, and Jessa greets me with a smile. I don’t know why I don’t mention Vegas, the new job, or how amazing spending time with Lincoln has been; it doesn’t feel right to talk about what’s going on with me when she’s been through so much.
But I suppose that’s a bit of a problem I have, isn’t it? Letting everything build up inside because I’m too busy acting happy and not telling people what’s truly going on with me. Even though, right now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Talking about it brings some of the harsh realities to light though, ones I’m not quite ready to face.
Lincoln has been patient and loving, and the fact that he is a secret makes me sick to my stomach, he deserves more than that. He deserves everything and more. These past few weeks ofjust coming home after work to be with one another have been the best I’ve ever had. Lincoln makes me a better person, and I think I do the same for him.
So why am I still so afraid of telling our families? Why can’t I make that extra push? I keep telling myself that I’ll be ready soon, but then when I think about telling them, I retreat and feel like an anxious mess. Our little bubble is a happy one, and I don’t want it to pop.
“Hey, Penny. Thanks for coming,” she says.
I hold up the food with a smile. “Of course. How have you been?”
She smiles, and it’s a true one. Not the forced ones she’s given previously.
“Actually, really good.”
We head into their kitchen and divide the food.
“I’m working myself up to leave the house. I promise we can go somewhere and eat soon.”
“There’s no rush, Jessa.”
“I know that. Everyone has been so kind and patient with me. Especially Aiden, God. I don’t know where that man came from, but he’s a literal angel.”
“The Carlson men will do that to you.”
“Do you want to?—”
I shake my head. I don’t want to burden Jessa with the details of my life. She reaches out and squeezes my wrist.
“We’re friends, Penny. Best friends, if I remember correctly, from a drunken conversation. Just because I have my own stuff going on doesn’t mean you can’t share yours.”
I give her a smile.
“You’re right, I know you’re right. Can I ask you something?” She nods and I clear my throat. “When you found out that Collin was dead, did you feel a lot of regret?”
“Yeah, of course. I still wish I had more time with him, even my mom too. But I can’t change anything. There’s nothing to be done about the situation. So I had two choices. I could hate Collin and hang on to this resentment I felt, or I could move forward and try to not let it bother me. Some days are better than others.”
“I found out my biological mom passed away, and well, before that, she wanted nothing to do with me,” I sigh.
“You never said anything,” she says, her eyes going soft as she grabs my hand.
“I think I like the idea that everyone thinks I’m fun and exciting. Not sharing things about myself makes that easier. I’m working on it.”
“You have so many people who love you, you don’t have to do this alone anymore,” she says.
“I know. I think I’m starting to truly understand that now,” I reply, and truly mean it.
There have been so many times I’ve pulled away from my family and fallen in the arms of unsuited boyfriends because it was easier to be who they wanted than myself. Sometimes the reality of being who I am is hard, but I’m slowly realizing there’s no one else I’d rather be.
I’ve completely fallen for Lincoln. And in the process of that, I think he’s helped me fall in love with myself.
“Let’s go,”I usher Lincoln to the car.
